Every breath that I take

One of my deepest fear is not being able to breathe. That explains the reason why I will never scuba dive (separate story altogether) and as much as I love sea-sports (I used to sail), I keep them to be "above the water" ie. No need to use oxygen tanks, no need to be submerged fully in water. Breathing with my mouth makes me feel like I am gasping for air. I almost drowned once and that must be the horriblest feeling. I used to run, so breathless is not the biggest issue, I think the problem comes with the combination of water+lack of air.

So with my affected lungs now, I fear, of being breathless and being drowned by I don't know what. Of all the various needles, scans and checks that I've been through, I detest the bronchoscopes, I think I could have injured the doctor if I wasn't half sedated by reacting to the stuff they flushed into my lungs. I was kicking and gasping and coughing. terrible.

Recent dramas of bloody coughs and phlegm really made me very paranoid. The cough has been up and down, antibiotics were given, sometimes there's this strange discomfort in the lungs.

I am glad though. I could give all these fears and symptoms one by one to God. "Every breath that I take, every moment I'm awake, Lord have your way in me". God I give of my body aches, breathlessness, fears, anxious thoughts, hunger pangs, and every discomfort physical and emotional all to you. I will trust you, over and over again.