Random thoughts from a chemo-fried brain

‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty.

This was a word of reminder for me today after a refreshing time of worship. It's been some time since I last updated. I was told that I need to occasional wave here so that those who have been praying will also know if I am alright.

Much has happened since I last updated. On the medical front, there has been one or two dramas here and there. Found new growth, changed chemotherapy combo (its a bit like mixing cocktails here), new growth shrunk, the rest remained pretty similar, thus I'm continuing with the new drugs. Coughed blood in my sputum for a couple days, thank God it subsided after that. Had my 2nd round of the new chemo yesterday, knocked out for the night, woke up with a growling rumbling tummy, took a bite and slept in till 12. Janice stayed over my parent's so I could sleep uninterrupted, but the funny thing is that I sort of tiptoed round the house last night, forgot she was at my parent's, and this morning even woke up thinking I heard her singing in her room. My brain might be a little chemofried here, but Gosh, I miss her!

We also took a short trip to Phuket last week, in between the chemo cycles. It was a nice break, though we really didn't do much. It was still good time spent with the little family, plus my parents. I think part of me thought that going for a trip might give me some form of normality, but I as I pondered and prayed on the flight back, I realized it's never going to be NORMAL again. Initially I felt a sense of lost, like trying in search of my "old life", like eat like a normal person (depends on how you define normal here), basically living like this "cancer thing" has never happened. I was a little frustrated, and began to find it hard when my parents fussed over me, my diet, how I am. Conversations, blog entries sometimes do not deviate from the topic of this season. I wished I could fast forward and leave this behind.

The Word then spoke to me "Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in His body is done with sin. As a result, he does live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God" [1 Pet 4:1-2]

My life is never going to be NORMAL again, because the definition of normality should not be confined to the normalities of the world, but it is live in accordance to the call and purpose He has intended me to have. This season is meant to shape me and redefine me in accordance to His will, and it will only be worthwhile if I were to rise up to that instead of clinging on to the past and think (and wish) that all these were but a dream.

I live by the spirit and the power of the Lord each day. In this season, ever more so, because I know that my might and strength will not be enough, in fact futile. But my prayer is that this builds me some good spiritual muscles, that when I enter a new season, I am armed with so much more.

On the lighter note, here's us at Phuket. I can't believe how much my little girl has grown, and how much God has blessed me with these sweetie pies (the husband included)

Because of my bloody sputum, I had to go through a series of tests, thus the trip got delayed for 1/2 a day. We had to forgo out original jetstar tickets (waiting for them to be compassionate and refund with some travel vouchers) but we got to go on silkair! :) haven't had food, entertainment and kiddo freebies on our flights for a while :) we were v. happy haha!

Look at how thrilled she was with the sand and rushing waves

Believe it or not, it was pretty much pitch dark when this shot was taken (almost 7 in the evening) but the shots turned out with awesome lighting!

The night lingers...

The chemo drugs made me really dazed out for the entire day. I spent the day coming in and out of deep sleep. I couldn't spend as much time with Janice as I would have wanted to. She went to school in the morning and went off to spend some time with Gugu and the grandparents. She came home and I was at the healing service. Oh I so miss her and couldn't wait to get and give some cuddles. I was worried that she would be clingy and whiney when she sees me after a long day, but I came home to be greeted by this little girl who was grinning from ear to ear, ready to throw her arms round me.

"Mummy, you went to the healing service?"

"Mummy, can I pray for you?"

She went on to narrate details of her evening, telling me where she went, what she ate, what she did.

She wanted to follow us out of her room though it was way past her bedtime. I was more than happy for her to do so.

"Mummy, you can't carry me because you're still sick? Daddy, you're not sick, so you can carry me"

Off she went, piggy backing on daddy, while I followed behind.

Both sets of grandparents were there, Gugu was there, and she was in her own zone. Carrying out her conversations, some random, some incredibly thoughtful.

I allowed the night to linger on though it was way past the bedtime, and I could barely stand without feeling faintish.

There were lots of random requests that followed before the eventual "bedtime".

"I need to comb my hair, muumy. Its messy, I can't sleep if its messy"

" I need 5 songs, alphabets songs, froggy songs, ... "

She prayed again for me, and my cough, insistent I bow my head to the prayer, and repeated the prayer once she heard me cough just a little.

We bid each other goodnight, shouting sweet dreams and I love yous as we exit the room.

It was a nice night that lingered on just a little. It doesn't matter that teachers "complained" (very nicely) that Janice reaches school way too late" (She needs her 12 hr sleep, thus she wakes up at 10 and reaches school at 11, much to the "protest" of the teachers *grin)

When the lights are dimmed and the husband and I snuggled into bed eventually, we were still happily recounting every happy little thing that Janice said, and her funny and cute demeanor.

I sat in the dark, smiling a happy smile, thanking God for this lingering night. I can't believe how blessed I am.

Finally some updates ...

I haven’t updated our blog for ages, I’ve been very busy and most days, I’m left with little or no energy to blog. And when things accumulate, you sort of don’t know where to start. This morning, I thought I better do something about it, before I forget what happened in the past months.

March

We started church at COGS after much prayer and thoughts. They needed a youth worker and asked if Kel could go over. We decided with the move and after some transitions, moved over to COGS. We’re still adjusting and figuring out our new “home”. Kel also started his very intensive 9 month Inductive Bible Study class under School of Biblical Studies (SBS), YWAM. It is super intensive and ever since he started, he has been staying up till 3 am to do his work. It’s crazy, but God is really doing something new in his heart. So we (especially Kel) are excited of what is to come. He is soaked in the Word every day, and it’s scary sometimes because I feel that I am not catching up. But I guess it reflects how much I need to be in His presence and digging the Word more, and it’s a wake up call for me to pull my socks up. But I can tell, despite the lack of sleep and the stress, he is really enjoying this season.

We went for our first ever family holiday (my side) since I was 5. This time round, it was with all our other halves, and kids. So it was a troupe of 11 and we finally put our act together and booked ourselves tickets to Perth (since the budget air tickets were cheap). It was such a GOOOOD time. It was a combination of fun, and very relaxing. We stayed the bulk at Margaret River. The 3 kids played, ate and slept together. The house was gorgeous and we had kangaroos on our backyard! Not just 1 or 2, but a whole big group (what’s the collective term for kangaroos? Herd?) Every single day. We had BBQ, seafood, lots of steak, lamb, salads. So good. Did I say that I miss Australia? After a year back in Singapore, we think we can still call Australia Home! The space and the nice grass, the yummy olive dips, pasta … ok, I think I’ll need a separate post for that. I will try to upload some pictures.

3 days after we came back, on the 22^nd March, we received a call that my grandmother in Malaysia passed away. We packed our bags and travelled 7 hours to dad’s hometown for the funeral and the wake. Though it was a sudden lost, we knew she’s lived to a ripe old age of 90. It was also one of the rare times when we actually met up with cousins and distant relatives that we haven’t seen for ages, some for more than 20 years. It was a massive reunion, and I know Ah Ma had left quite a legacy. It was funny, because I said that we haven’t spent time together for a long time and we ended up spending 2 whole weeks together.

So in summary, March was a month I discovered more about my family, and I didn’t know that spending time with siblings could be so much fun.

April

Kel is still very busy with SBS. He is trying hard to still spend quality time with us, and has been doing well. Though I think he can do with more sleep. As for my work front, it’s been very stressful and tiring. March was in and out for me due to the traveling and unforeseen circumstances. I was heading up the fundraising dinner team and after the major event last week; I am still experiencing much after shocks and sleep depravity. I think a lot is going on in my head, home front, work, personal … and I need the space to process. The weeks leading up to the event (since March), I have also been staying up very late every night. I don’t do well with lack of sleep, so I’ve been grinding and clenching jaws, and easily irritable. All these are not very good signs.

Janice

She deserves a section! Janice has been a great traveler. With the recent 7 hrs trip up to Perak, Malaysia, we actually survived without turning on the DVD player! It’s a real feat J She has also been a lot stronger physically. But it takes quite a bit of efforts to make sure she eats healthily (at least 3 kinds of vegetables + protein for her dinners), supplementing with Chinese herbal soup. We’ve adjusted our schedules slightly, to head off to work earlier in the morning, and finishing earlier to come home (5 plus) so that it’s not so rush to cook, and we can spend more time with her, and putting her to bed before 9pm. Sometimes I wake up in the morning at 6ish to prepare parts of the dinner. This arrangement has worked out very well, and we are likely to stick to this. After the Australia trip, she’s grown so much in maturity and understanding. It’s amazing. We’re really enjoying this season. I hope I can update more about Janice soon. She’s turning 2.5 years end of this month. She sings, chat, and make up conversations and stories for hours. She’s full of energy, expressive and affectionate.

60 more days

60 more days, and I will be here:

I can't wait. I have in mind the 3 kids playing and running around. Slow walks along the beach. BBQ fresh prawns and steak. Lots of steak. Curled up with a good book and NOTEBOOK and REAL LIVING magazines. It's going to be a big family holiday with 7 adults and 3 kids traveling, and though I am a little apprehensive because I haven't had such a family holiday before (the I had the entire family from my side going on a holiday together was when I was 5 or 6) I hope that life will slow down for that week. It gotta be, with 6 nights at such a place. Dream, oh how I wish I could turn the clock faster. Anyone been to the Margaret River region before? Suggestions on places to eat/visit?

Sunset Ocean Views To Yallingup

Enjoy the harmonious blends of ocean & valley vistas mixed with all the mod cons from this 4 bedroom, 2 bathroom spacious home with home theatre set on rural acreage in Yallingup. Spend languorous days captivated by the astounding panorama of the rolling green hills of Mt Duckworth all the way to the inviting blue waters of Yallingup, & in the evenings there's an abundance of room for the family to spread out.

Superb ocean views will allow you to gaze out into the endless ocean all day long & you will see some of the most magnificent sunsets imagined in this amazing elevated position.

The spacious open living / dining / kitchen area really takes advantage of the fantastic view through large glass windows and doors that lead out to the large entertaining alfresco with bar.

A comfortable lounge suite, large dining table, flat screen TV, slow combustion wood fire, down lights & beautiful timber floors feature in the open living area.

The kitchen boasts a huge island bench & quality stainless steel appliances including gas stove, oven & dishwasher that will enable the chef to prepare the next meal with ease.

The home theatre is ideal to watch a family movie together or just the place for the kids to play.

The main bedroom is double sized with walk-in robe & luxurious ensuite with spa bath & his & hers vanity; the minor bedrooms have built in robes, one with queen bed, two with three single beds in each.

An outdoor shower, garage & plenty of parking add to the features of this superb home.

Minimal traffic around this exclusive rural address attracts wildlife to your doorstep, and spectacular bush and oceans views make you feel right at home with the tranquil setting.

Located nearby to Petra Olive Café, Yallingup Wood Fired Bread House & Art Galleries and only a short drive to Yallingup beaches & to central Dunsborough, this location is sure to please

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

We have been very blessed with the goodness and faithfulness of God. We look back at 2010 with gratitude for all He has provided us with. Transition back to Singapore has been challenging at times but we are amazed at the distance God has brought us through this year. Without the family support, friendship, Church and prayers, we wouldn't have been where we are today. So thank you, for all who are reading this. You have been awesome.

We pray that your Christmas this year will also be filled with the gratitude and thanksgiving; and His deep love for us. Most importantly, you will be filled with the hope for what is ahead, because we have received the best gift of His son Jesus Christ, and through Him we may have hope and an abundant life.

Merry Christmas, from the 3 of us. 2011 here we come :)

The Man of our lives

This year's Fathers' Day happens to coincide with the husband's Big 3-0 birthday too. So my dearest husband, this post is especially for you.

So, you're officially a year older than me :) but I thank God, many a times you're wiser, more stable and great leader to me (although there are many instances that I deny that heh!)

Once upon a time, while I was dreaming of my perfect prince charming, I had in mind a man who will love God, love me and my family. A man whom I'd desire having kids with because I know he will love and sacrifice for the family. It was a dream, and I will not break the bubble here, because the dream is a reality!

Darling, you may be "weak" in many ways. You may not have the patience you (or I) desire to have daily. You may not have the skills all the time to love and to discipline. You may not be armed with a 100% aware system that captures every pee and poo, every cry and expectations from your women. But I love you for who you are, because you've chosen God, and chosen us every single time. No matter how tired, disappointed or how badly you wanted to be at the soccer field.

Thank you for listening to us and to our cries (literally, especially Janice's in the middle of the night. Actually mine often happens late in the night to!). Thank you for your wholehearted commitment to us. Thank you for always agreeing when people say you're blessed with 2 women in your life, in actual fact, we're more than blessed. Thank you for cuddling us tight no matter how many times we've pushed you away. Thank you for being the man of our lives, now and forever.

Happy Birthday and Happy Fathers' Day. We love you too .....

P.s. We're committed to bless you with our company in every world cup season, okay la... more than that .... :)

God is healing Janice from her milk allergies

God is awesome and worthy to be praised! After praying for a long time for Janice's allergies to be gone, God has finally answered our prayers!

On 23rd Nov 2009, Janice took her skin prick test to check for allergic reactions from certain substances. The test results were as such:

Substance Diameter

Control Histamine = 5mm

Milk = 5mm

Egg = 15mm

Peanut = 7mm

These results showed that Janice had significant reactions to milk, peanuts and eggs. The larger the diameter, the more serious the allergy.

Since we have relocated back to Singapore we were still praying hard that God would heal her of her allergies. Her condition had certain implications such as being selective when preparing meals for her, being careful of what we feel her and what others 'unknowingly' feed her, what she can consume at Child Care and also her specially prescribed milk 'Neocate' which would cost us $70 per can here in Singapore.

As we prayed, we wanted to also believe that God's healing hand is at work. Thus Yen made an appointment with the allergist at NUH whom was a doctor referred to us from our allergist in Gold Coast. When we were at NUH, the doctor saw the report of Janice's last skin prick test said that there is no point in taking another test as such conditions don't 'change overnight'. After hearing that, we were quite insistent on having the test, cause we know full well that God is able to heal.

When the test results came out, Janice's skin reaction towards milk was almost non existent!!! The diameter for milk was smaller than the control histamine! This must be GOD! So the Doctor advised us to slowly expose Janice to normal baby milk and see if there is any allergic reaction. We took the Doc's advice and start by putting some milk on her lips. To date, Janice has been feeling great. she even drank 60ml of normal baby milk!! PRAISE THE LORD!!

Home Sweet Home

Janice was extremely pleased with the kitchen that daddy fixed up :)

Staying in the furthest western point of Singapore means that we are hardly home. Coming home is usually the very last destination we have and once back, we would hardly head out unless a need calls. As a result, we're never home much of recent. Since we both started work, week-days have been burnt comuting to and fro home, work, my mom's place. With the weekends, we're usually out or at Church. and most times, we're only home on Sunday evening. Yesterday was an exception and I felt so good about it that it deserves a blog entry.

After Church and cell, Kel and I headed to Jelita where Janice slept for 1.5 hours on the pram. It was such a God given time where Kel and I had a nice quiet sandwich at the cafe, watching the outside pour in rain. We hung out at the bookshop for a while till Janice awoke. We then headed towards a friend's place only to be informed that the gathering was cancelled. So we ended up home by mid afternoon, armed with a very happy and contented toddler. We were supposed sit down and catch something on DVD. But you see, I am always filled with bright ideas on the house, and before I knew it, I cleverly lured Kel to start fixing up the cardboard kitchen he have been wanting to build for Janice, set up the little table and chair and revamped the hall a little. I sorted out Janice's toys, books and packed them neatly in categories ready for toy rotation to take place (I like to keep some toys and rotate so that toys will look fresh and not all over the place). I cooked for Janice and the house was thoroughly cleaned thereafter. It was such a good feeling that after all that hard work, I was beaming. It was home sweet home, because I feel so so recharged being home for that half a day than I ever been for eons. Result of that? I am so looking forward to go home and see a nicely organised place :) * pictures of the cardboard kitchen can be found on FB. Well done too my dear husband, and thank you for giving in to your ever itchy backside wife who can never sit still :)

Interupted

My work got "interupted" by a very happy email. The husband sent me an email (with this picture attached) from the park (wonders of i-phone). He brought Janice there since it was his off day. They're having their father-daughter dates almost weekly, it was awww so sweet that I am half melted in the freezing air con :)

What I took back from today's Staff Devotion

Today at staff devotion, we had a guest speaker come and share with us as our Division leaders went away for a retreat. Just wanted to note it down so that I won't forget. He was sharing about his difficulties in ministry with the youths and how it is so challenging, not so much the youths but many times, their parents can really be a pain as well.

Amongst his sharing, he mentioned how a parent got upset with him cause he had to tell their child to step down from ministry cause his relationship with God wasn't going well and it was starting to reflect outwardly in his ministry. And he went to still apologize to the parent. He told us "I apologized not because I did something wrong to her son, but I apologized because I hurt them."

When I heard that, it really touched my heart to know that we don't apologize because of the action that we did, but instead for the reaction that was caused by the initial action (which might not be wrong in the first place). This was something that I want to hold onto in every area of my life; my relationship with God, my family, my friends and my ministry.

Took a long break from blogging, took up Facebooking instead

Been missing in action because I realized that FaceBook is much easier to use since there is the Iphone which makes uploading of photos a breeze. But I guess unless you are added as friends on Facebook, otherwise viewing of content would not be possible. So I thought I better try to blog once in a while, so here goes.

I had the privilege yesterday to spend the entire day with Janice. Woke up with her, had meals with her, had a really long nap (2hrs) with her and bathe her as well. it was such a memorable day for me. On the normal days I love to play with Janice and all, but looking into the details of her life like naps and meals and bathing really isn't my forte. Only my close to perfect wife would be able to remember every single detail that needs to be done for Janice. But now, since both of us are working and my day off is on wednesday, I was able to have this opportunity to look after Janice by myself.

To have this time with Janice would be the start of our 'dates with daddy' times. I must really make it a point to do this regularly even when she grows up. I realized that a father's role in a child's life is so important. Not belittling the roles that mums play (which is very important as well), the dads would sometimes help be a good role model of the sort of man that our daughters would be looking for in future. Helping my daughter see that she deserves a man that truly loves her for who she is. And more importantly that Janice would come to me and tell me about the guys that would be asking her out and stuff. I want to be her listening ear and support whenever she needs me.

These are my ideals, I know that ministry sometimes would make all that sound impossible. But today it has been made known to me that in full time ministry, we are juggling my balls, but there are some balls that we must never drop and that is God and our Family. Ps Benny Ho mentioned about spending 1 hr a day, 2 to 3 hrs a week, 1 day a month and 2 to 3 days a quarter to spend with God. Time allocated with family is also very crucial, my family must know that they are more important to me than the ministries I am in. This is something that I am constantly learning and adjusting so that there would be a balance; but boy is that balance hard to find. I don't know if I will ever find that balance, but I know for sure that I will keep trying.

Janice turns 1 - Happy Birthday darling!

My little birthday card to you (Janice Mok Yu En)

I love you Janice, I still remember the day that I held you in my hands at 920am on the 30th of Oct 2008. Mummy might have won by staying closest to you since you were conceived, but I won by being the first to hold on to you! :)

But still all thanks to mummy and her endurance as it was really tough trying to get you to come into this world. Daddy was told that time would past faster if he records the intervals between mummy's each contractions, but after awhile, daddy's little note book was full! Mummy was going through such consistent contractions and for such a long time. Mummy went through so much for you. All daddy could do was say Oh...Ouch each time mummy squeezes daddy's hand.

All was great on that Thursday morning when we finally got to see you, and I believe I speak for mummy as well, it was all worth it, YOU are all worth it!

I can't finish saying how much you mean to me and that you have really brought so much joy and meaning to my life. I would be going to sleep every night knowing that the next day would be filled with so much joy and laughter and also the energy required to play and entertain you. :)

It has been a great year trying to know you more. Communication at the point in time still seems a little unclear and based upon a lot of assumptions. But the times when you say 'Daddy' 'Daddy' is all the communication I need to wake me up every morning to cuddle you.

I hope you have enjoyed your 1st year as much as I did, well if you didn't you most probably won't remember it anyway :)

I love you darling!!! HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY!!!

FireProofing Your Marriage - Commitment of a Life Time

Watched the movie 'Fireproof' last night with Yen and it was such a great reminder of how much we need each other and that no matter how tough times and situations can get; out is NEVER an option!

The movie really brought in so much truths about what a marriage is meant to be. Marriage in this time and age has reduced it's significance and standing in our society. People get married in the heat of passion and in the name of love and feelings. But there wasn't time to put the relationship to a test of heat and trials of commitment. And when tough times come, suddenly there isn't anymore passion, love and feelings for each other. Only the things that iritate you stands out so clearly about your spouse. Worst of all, a broken marriage not only affects the couple involved, but if they have kids, their upbringing would be somewhat incomplete and inbalanced.

Marriage is not just built upon the foundations of love and feelings. Marriage being such a tall and important structure in God's house, surely it requires God to be in the centre of it all, and also built upon the foundations of a covenant of being there for each other whether richer or poorer, health or sickness, good or bad time and till death do us part.

Just recently, there has been some marriages of my friends that I have heard about that were already broken and couples decided to throw in the towel; many are my age or slightly older. How painful that must be for them, leaving such a scar in each others' lives. And the word 'commitment' would never have the same definition in their lives again.

Media these days is not really helping people gain that definition either. Thus I realise that I must really be able to conduct myself with my family to be able to live out a life of commitment to God, my wife and family. May my life set the example for my youths to desire to imitate as I try with all my might to imitate the life of Christ.

Blowing Raspberries

It's a trying stage for me. Janice blows her food out all day long. I thought she's been there, done that, and over with that, BUT this phase is back! I end up with a baby with food all over her head, face, clothes ... highchair, floor, my face, table... you get the drfit all with her food. I feel defeated, tired by the end of each meal, especially in the evenings. The mess to clean up, and worried that she doesnt get enough and will keep waking up at night with hunger.

I think she's teething again, i think that was what happened the last time. I hope its a passing phase.

Thank God for a wonderful husband who shove me out of the door for a girly dinner night out with Cheryl and Sharon without the baby. He even attempted for the first time putting her to bed without me having to do my last milk feed. He succeeded, woohoo. I really needed some time out, without needing to feed through a difficult dinner. I even came back to a clean house, nice mopped floors. I am one lucky wife!

Plans to get Janice to be playing soccer by 2yrs old

Just watched a 2yr old toddler dribble and shoot with a soccer ball! How cool is that! My little dream within me that is hoping that my kids will love the game as well.

I figured that the secret of getting your kids doing the things you want them to is to allow them to watch repeated actions of it. For example, if you want them playing an instrument, let them watch DVDs of people playing the instrument. If its soccer, let them watch close up people playing soccer. I believe that by watching, them are registering the actions and when they are finally up to it, they'll be on their way to play that instrument or sport like a star!

I would be setting aside a Help Janice play soccer and guitar fund, which I would use to buy instructional DVDs! If anyone is interested, please let me know and I'll engrave your names on the DVDs that I'll buy for her, so that when she is famous and getting her awards, she'll remember to thank you all.

Being down to earth, I'll still love her even if she chooses Barbie dolls or cooking utensils in the kitchen. There is a place for everyone to shine where ever they are, just praying that her spirit of excellence would reflect God's honour and grace!

Happy Birthday Darling!

How could I even forget to mention this? My dear husband turned a year older than me a few days ago! We celebrated that day by looking after Janice after her allergic reaction saga, and on the actual day, he ran the whole Life group himself by chairing, worship leading, playing the guitar and teaching. So it was a rush in rush out. And all I could manage was a quick hug and kiss for him. That's one of the things why he is one of my greatest inspirer and encourager. He pushes on no matter what and have never placed himself above us, above his people and ministry too. God has done so much in His life over the years and through Him I have learnt to much too. I am glad I can call this man my husband, lover, and best buddy ever. Happy Birthday.

By the way, I wasn't that bad, thank goodness I managed a little surprise for him before all the saga, 2 days before his birthday. I baked (after so many months!) chocolate soeffle and it was yum! I forgot the pics tho. :)

My favourite people

To my favourite people in the world, this very minute marks the our venture into the 7th month as a family of trio. Just something random to say, I love you and I am loving every minute of it. Even if it takes me suffering in the middle of 2 little snorers :)

5 Months Old!

Dear Janice,
You're 5 months old today and there hasn't been a single day that I haven't discovered something new about you. You've been growing so much this month that I am excited to be spending my days with you, just to discover more.
You started childcare this month while I started work part time and you've been adapting pretty ok. You enjoy yourself most when the teachers place you in your little gym mat/float at the playground watching the older kids play around you. You still give them a piece of your mind each time you're given milk from a bottle though.
You've also migrated from your little bassinet to your cot (which we had it snugged into our little bedroom so that you could still be near us). You weren't sleeping too well earlier this month and have been complaining and fussing in your bassinet as if telling us that you were running out of space. I took a gamble and shifted the cot in one day and you took to it immediately that night, your arms sprawled out enjoying the space around you. You have been sleeping much better from that day on. I was so afraid that you wouldn't take to the cot because of the many stories I have heard that babies who did not start off with cot will not want to be in one, but I guess I was wrong. Now that you have the space, I wake up in the middle of the night to find that you've wriggled all the way from the bottom end of the cot to the top. You're pretty strong and have been moving on your back so much that I suspect that you might just derive a "on the back move" as a stop gap before you actually learn to crawl so that you can still get to places you want to go. It's scary for me because I have to watch you more and cannot leave you alone unless I strap you down :)
You're still learning to roll and gets very frustrated when you could only make it halfway. Don't worry, you'll get it very soon, with more persistency. Your motor skills have also grown this month and no longer do you just bat on the toys in front of you, you've been reaching and grabbing them, of course everything ends up in your mouth, from toys to blankets to socks. You've been wanting to sit up and it's been a challenge to place you in the car capsule because you'll be wanting to sit up and refusing to lean back for the seat belt.
As I pen down all these, I realised how eventful this month must have been for you. You also started some solids and you absolutely love it. You're pooing less frequently though, so I am praying that this phase will pass by quickly and your little stomach will adapt better. We've been spending more Saturdays outdoor for you as the weather have turned cooler. You just love the wideness and space in the parks, on the grass. We started Sunday School for the afternoon service yesterday and you participated in almost everything, chipping in with your goos and gars, rolling around on the picnic mat when we were outdoors too. Alicia and Elise have been so loving to you, giving you cuddles and kisses and asking for you frequently. You love being with them too, though you can't quite play yet and without supervision, they can try out real weird things on you like pressing toys against your nose etc. The kiss you leaned over for Alicia was just priceless.
You're a pretty independent one and I look at you with pride and joy when you talk to yourself (or the toys) and falls asleep on your own. You could sit in front of the TV and enjoy your "school time" with on your own for up to 45mins sometimes. You laugh and flap your arms whenever I turn it on and how you've grown to be so familiar with it that you would sit quietly for me to strap you onto the rocking chair and I fiddle with the DVD player.
My little one, we're so glad that you love people and adapts well even when we take you around for night prayers and life group and sometimes the entire day at Church. Thank you for adoring our company and showering us with your chuckles and smiles. You laugh easily even when popo merely calls out your name.
I love you my dear, your little fingers that touches and grab me all the time. I look forward to our family time on Saturdays and just the moments of conversing with you.
I pray each day you'll know His presence more and I could see God's amazing hands on you each and everyday. He soothes you when we can't and He provides His comfort and peace for you through the night.

I never knew I could love, but now I know and I thank you and your daddy for teaching me how.
Love, Mummy.

4 Months

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Originally uploaded by kelvin and chia yen

My little precious,
You'll be turning 4 months soon, but there's no 30th day of the month this week, thus I have the liberty to blog anytime this week :) In actual fact, you're already about 18 weeks. I have lost count of the weeks because with you around, it's hard to keep track because there're always so much things on my mind.
Time is passing so quickly. Oh you're up, I think I'll need to continue this entry some other time.

Ok, I have been trying to put you to nap so that I could sit and finish this entry. Now you're resting in your car capsule and I hope you'll have a good nap.

You're one vibrant little girl, very alert and very awake. You only nap for 30-40 mins each time and takes 2-3 naps a day, very little for a little girl like you. But Thank God that you sleep well most nights and will knock out by 7.30pm nowadays. You're adaptable and can go to sleep anywhere as long as we put you into your car-capsule cum pram which is really great because we could still be out for Life groups, prayer, shopping and dinner out. You sleep through with 2 feeds on a good night, waking up at 8.30am.

We saw your developing your verbal skills and most times when you're awake, you'll be trying to say something to us. You're also testing the limits of your vocal chord by screaming and yelping along with your smiles that you're so generous to give. You even managed a couple of decent conversations with Popo over the phone. The PD says you're gaining weight well, and is a strong girl which explains mummy's aches and pains by the end of each day.

You love being out and about, and many times you seem to be wanting to take in every single sight and sound. Yesterday you even amused Auntie Christine with your chuckles in the middle of our conversation as if you were part of it. Well, of course you are, you're almost part of every single moment of my life now. From cooking, cleaning to cafe catch ups with all your loving aunties etc. You're always by my side. You're also like a pouchy little joey in the Baby Bjorn carrier daddy (and sometimes me) brings you in. You love it! Watching, kicking, "walking", swinging and dancing in it. You will eventually fall asleep in it too.

Your favourite activities include kicking and batting the rubber ball, walks in your pram, bashing up your activity table and just kicking around on the play mat. You've also started watching "baby can read" DVD once or twice a day and you're especially amused "Twinke Little Stars" comes on. However you enjoy most when we cuddle you and smother kisses all over you, you just love it. I can tell because your eyes light up and you smile and chuckle to them.

One of the best moments daddy and I have is lying on our bed watch you sleep in your little bassinet. We can never get enough of the little smiles you steal when you dream sweet dreams, your squirms and stretches as you sleep, and just watching you breathe. You're beautiful and I wish I could engrave all these moments in and never ever forget them.

Little precious one, having you have made us grown. As much as God is developing in through the months, He is building our character up, more than ever before. Every day is a step of faith that I take, to juggle in being the mom and slowly growing in the ministry God has entrusted to daddy and I. I hope that with this, you'll really be able to grow to love God and His people, and that as a family, we can serve God more.

Thank you darling, you've light up my (our) lives. From dreading out of bed in the earlier months because of sleep depravity, I look forward to a brand new day with you. I look forward (haha on most days) to awakening to your coos and gurgles. Thank you for forgiving me when I left you to cry when I am ultra tired and not knowing what to do with you. Motherhood has been tough on days I battle with tiredness and neverending chores, and sometimes the feeling of lack of personal space. But your daddy has been real supportive and gracious to me, and you have been a real reward.

Love you darling, my little cheeky one.

Our First Family Getaway

Haha, I know I am super duper over due. I was meant to post something about our first family getaway. We did a weekend getaway (Friday to Sunday Morning) the weekend before Christmas. We started the journey by heading to Harbortown for some shopping and lunch before continuing on to Kingscliff. It's about 1.5 hrs from Brisbane and we crossed the border into New South Wales. We love the resort and the area! It was actually a little getaway we were meant to have before Janice was born. But Kelvin came down with Influenza then and we couldn't postpone to any weekends before I gave birth. So I pushed the booking to the latest date possible and it was a great adventure to travel with our little one. Verdict was that we totally enjoyed the time with her. Though we didnt really do much, met up with Fab and Jos on Saturday. We walked to the nice beach once, we had 2 nice dinners in a row, watched in house movie (for free!) in the hotel room... I slept through most movies though (as usual). there was lots of talking, lots of cuddling (with each other and with Janice too). It was totally refreshing especially since the first few weeks with a new addition for us has been pretty much crazy. Janice loves being out. She behaved herself most of the time and slept well too. I think she loves having the attention from both of us instead of just facing me all day long. She sleeps well being out, much better than being home. It was good havin this trip because it gave us a lot more confidence to bring her out, so we're looking forward to the trip back to Singapore in ... woohoo 2 days time!