Janice is 15 months

here's a picture of you posing to take a photo with Elmo. You actually posed when we asked you to take a picture ith your current best friend. You were soo happy and too cute to resist. Ok I am be biased here, but which mom doesnt think that their daughter's the cutest right?

My dear girl,

You’ve turned 15 months 3 days ago and it has just been at the back of my mind to blog about it. So here I am!

You’re walking! Over the past few weeks, you’ve finally calculated and figured that the risk of falling over is now low. You see, you’ve been taking about 5-10 steps for a long time and have been wanting us to hold your hands to walk. I’m so proud of you that you’ve finally taken you little steps further but let me continue to enjoy this moment of you still wanting to be held on and protected. I know very soon, you’d want to be on your own, knowing this feisty independent personality you have.

You’ve been a lot happier this month. Maybe it’s because you’re finally walking and this mobility has given you new found freedom when we’re out and about. There have also been more routines in place for you and you’re one who really thrives on that. Above all, your communication skills have also taken a notch higher with some words repetitions and your famous pointing cum nodding skills.

Many people have been calling you a “little adult”. Because, despite not being able to speak (like an adult), you sometimes communicate like one. We have also been amazed at how you have been piecing things together and even learnt how to place jig saws in the right positions. Like the other day, we were spending some time in a friend’s office and you took a set of keys from her cupboard and walked to the door and tried to open it, though of course you didn’t succeed with cupboard keys. You did that again at home by taking drawer keys all the way to the main door. In your little mind you’ve probably figured out a lot of things and now, the ability to walk about has given you the freedom to explore.

I have recently gone back to work and for the time being you’ll be left in the care of Popo (my mom). I was initially very worried at how you’d take it. I was about to let anxiety take over before I started writing like a little manual that consist of your schedules and suggested activities. But you’ve been such a good girl! Every day I could see how you beamed at the mention of Popo’s house and I am so so glad to see you happy and all well at the end of the day. So far, we’ve been adjusting well, and this new change has really taught Daddy and I the value of spending time together with you and being able to give you our all when we do spend that time with you.

You've got a real feisty personality. When you've tantrumish, it's really quite "hard-core" (haha pardon the singlish expression). I still sometimes sound like a fool trying out techniques I've learnt from the bo0k "The happiest toddler on the block". But thank God that I've stumbled upon that book because some of the tips are really practical and has helped us a lot. We pray however that we will be able to harnass you strong personality well and you may be able to use it as a strength in your days ahead, especially in walking with God and serving Him.

There’ll be times where I am learning not to take guilt trips of not being able to give you the best. Am I teaching you right, am I being a good mother, what's crucial and what's important? But to be able to be by your side, loving you, teaching you and understanding you are what I am learning to do, to my best ability and relying on His grace. We’ll take it each step at a time with the help and strength of God.

I miss you, baby. You’ve bless me everyday with your sweetie smiles, cheeky demeanor and your funny sense of humor. I love you.

Love, Mummy.

Full Time

Since the birth of Janice, I have gotten many people asking if I was a full time mom. Regardless the number of days Janice goes to Childcare, or for that matter 10,20 years down the road when she starts getting her own life, I will always consider myself as a full time mom. The day I knew she's conceived, follow on the day she was born, God has placed upon my life one of the greatest responsiblity a person can have. A responsibility over a life, a person, a precious one. The intensity of what you could be doing as a mom could vary over years or season, the role remains. I am a mother, 24/7 round the clock. No one can ever imagine the magnitude of it till you step into it. I could never have emphatised with another parent no matter how often I baby sit another child. I've learnt to assume this role and accept that my life will no longer be the same. I start to realise why till this day my mom still ask what I ate for dinner and ask me to see a doctor when I clear my throat. It's a full time job and I've only just begun. Sometimes I think I've done a bad job, but I'll have a life time to learn and I will. (but will never be perfection). Being a mother reveals that I am weak and how HE is strong. It's really humbling, but I am really loving it.

Being a Mother

As I think back, I once again salute my mom. I remembered how her day used to be filled with activities for us (my 2 bros plus me), cooking, household chores (never-ending) and when everyone is unwinding in front of the TV after dinner, the ironing board is squeking as she irons our clothes. She is the first person I see in the morning, always ready with breakfast, and when we're all in bed, she is still packing up the house so that the next day will always be spic and span.

Here I am, groaning at the lack of sleep, and that my day (as in time for housework, ministry, etc) only starts after 9pm. Janice has been really good before and throughout our sleep. She used to be fed, contented and falls asleep on her own. But since she got back, nights have been quite a battle and her naps are also hap-hazzard.

I never thought much of what my mom has done except being tremendously grateful. But as I enter motherhood, I realised how much she has sacrificed her life for her kids. Thinking these help me put things into proper perspective, but I realised too that this pair of shoes is huge to fill!

Sometimes I still can't quite believe I am already a mother of a lovely daughter.