Introducing Moots, Toots and Hoots

One big thing I am grateful about was to be still paid even though I was effectively MIA in FOFTS (Focus on the Family Singapore). For a good 5 months, I was paid and nothing was expected on my end. A kindness I felt I didn't deserve. I felt a little restless by the 6th month and asked if there was anything I could do. 

I then embarked into this incredible world of writing and illustrating children storybooks based on the themes of a program that we run for parents and their pre-schoolers. I was clueless, but it was such a great experience to explore creating my own characters, having a stint at writing some short stories (I think I was obsessed a while to get my sentences to rhyme all the time!) and illustrating the book based on the stories. Eventually, the project couldn't continue on because of a variety of reasons.  I've done a couple of books (the pictures above are some of the illustrations done) but they have yet to reach the soft copy, ready-to-print stage. But it has been such a fun time (sometimes tiring because of the long hours sitting - drawing and coloring). So who knows, I might pick it up again down the road, so if you e-v-e-r see it at the new stand/bookshop, please pick up a copy :) I should do a poll and see if I have enough supporters to continue this project haha.

I have officially ended my season at FOTFS, but this family will forever be close to my heart. I saw how the key people juggled the the different commitments they had to walk the talk. The ministry is a great and needed one, so if you have not heard about it, please click on the link to its website. They also have resources online on topics related to family. And if you share the convictions and passion to strengthen families, the first step could be to DONATE to the ministry or be a VOLUNTEER :) 

D overdosed.

It's been a while since I blogged. Its not that life has been that uneventful. But I am just unmotivated. I think being unmotivated to blog is just the surface, i am just unmotivated in general. So I pondered, prayed, D factors came to mind. 

Firstly this blog is Disorganized and I have been hoping that the categories are neater, and the hoping that to give the blog a face-lift. But as you can see, I am still hoping since no actions has been taken. The blog is just one area, there are many areas in my life that I am hoping to see improvements and the truth is that I need (and I want to) take responsibilities over them.

Then came the Discouragements. Ever since the last PET, things went a little downhill, health wise. I fell sick, then there was a bout of cough that lasted a couple weeks, then there was the fractured rib, and I felt easily tired and breathless all over again. All these just felt like a drag and in that few weeks, I really struggled in my devotions and even my bible reading program was on pause. 

So all in all led to a Disarray of priorities. Ever since the start of the year, I have been praying and asking God to direct us (especially for me). Plans, my focus, what's the next step, how I could meaningfully spend my time etc. Though there were the downtimes (health wise again), I feel well enough most days to want to do something. Not just pacing around thinking of where to have my lunch, but "do something" constructive. 

Therefore, I have been doing a lot more, took up projects at my (ex) workplace, serving in the worship ministry, re-conquering my kitchen, meal planning, attempted pilate, home learning plans for J, reorganizing J's room, attend a conference and many other items on the list. And so, I started feeling frustrated. I fell back to my usual bad habits again: Doing and not being able to differentiate what's important and what should be under the good to do, but not the priority list. Where is God leading me, have I stopped to ask? "Let go" there are just some things that are not important, I don't have to achieve them all. 

De clutter needs to take place. I am now back on track with my bible reading program. I am talking to God to figure out what's my call for this season. I am also trying not to focus on the uncertainties that I am incapable of figuring out the outcome (like my health). The husband has a silent retreat planned up for me (all by myself) so the only one I communicate to in that 2 days is God. I am learning to feel at ease to say no to projects (and no to myself). As I am typing all these, I am taking Deep breaths because the most important thing I need to learn is to relax my tense muscles and trust God for His full control. 

p.s. by the way, this post came totally un-planned. In the midst of silence on my blog over the past few weeks/months, there were many note worthy posts, most of them to point to me of God's faithfulness. So tonight, I thought I should give Him the due honor and to somehow blog them down as my "future reference". I needed to start somewhere and was going to write a post about an encounter I had last week. But I got intercepted by D thoughts above. So somehow, I Digressed real bad and will have to Defer my entry because I am now seriously sleepy after this long post. Ha :)

There, I am now overdosed with D :) 

~D end~

Updates: The journey continues

Looks like this leg of the journey is still ongoing. 4 PET scans, 7 Xrays, 6 CT scans, countless blood tests, 6 cycles of Chemo, 6 days of radiation and 3 months of oral drug treatment later, the journey hasn't ended. 8 months ago, I didn't know how long this journey would be and even wondered if that would be the final leg of my journey. 

So at this point, I am still not sure how long it is going to take. Reports from the PET scan and blood test done 2 days ago shows a good and not so good results. The main tumor in the lung (radiated on earlier) has reduced further, and the affected bones and lymph nodes seem to be gone :) The guys who did my PET even thought that these areas were radiated on therefore got better, but we did not. In fact, that was our litmus test to see if the oral drug is actually working and it seems that the drug is working, miraculously. But there're new growths in the same lung and an ovarian cyst which we are still unsure of their "toxicity". Blood test also reflected better readings for one marker and a rise for the other. So after many months, the oncologist continues to conclude me as her most challenging case. I'm still feeling fine physically, so we joked perhaps the problem lies in the machine! Even my dad started to doubt if I was really sick. 

I was a little disappointed though I am still convinced of God's hands upon my life. The God I know who's the almighty and omnipotent God remains true yesterday, today and tomorrow. After some tears last night, I am woke up this morning to be renewed by the promises of God. The 'pause' is not a total halt, I sense a time of preparation, sharpening of vision and building us towards it. 

Psalm 112

 ¹ Praise the LORD.^[b]   Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who finds great delight in his commands. ² His children will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. ³ Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures forever. ⁴ Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man. ⁵ Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely, who conducts his affairs with justice. ⁶ Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever. ⁷ He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. ⁸ His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes. ⁹ He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor, his righteousness endures forever;his horn will be lifted high in honor.

 ¹⁰ The wicked man will see and be vexed, he will gnash his teeth and waste away; The longings of the wicked will come to nothing. 

Blessed New Year! - 2012

2011 has been an incredible year for us. Over the past 6 months, we’ve really tasted and experience the goodness of God and we are truly grateful for what He has done for us. Though it was a tremendously difficult time and all still seem surreal to us, we have really been blessed so much: Generosity of friends, who’ve blessed us with friendship and finances, and the unconditional love from our family members. God has really shown us how faithful He is through so many different events: The salvation of my parents, financial provision, supportive bosses and colleagues, spiritual support and love from all around us.

Though it has been a roller coaster ride with my condition fluctuating over the months, we thank God that we could celebrate this festive time and welcome the new year with the post radiation X-ray showing good signs of recovery. We are definitely entering the new year, a different person and we've never learnt to trust God this way. We continue to believe God for His healing hands as we learn to embrace the New Year with hopes and greater trust in the Lord’s good plans.

Thank you for journeying with us: For your unceasing prayers, messages, emails, visits, phone calls etc. We pray that you will too experience His great love, and His mighty power.

Have a wonderful 2012! 

Finally some updates ...

I haven’t updated our blog for ages, I’ve been very busy and most days, I’m left with little or no energy to blog. And when things accumulate, you sort of don’t know where to start. This morning, I thought I better do something about it, before I forget what happened in the past months.

March

We started church at COGS after much prayer and thoughts. They needed a youth worker and asked if Kel could go over. We decided with the move and after some transitions, moved over to COGS. We’re still adjusting and figuring out our new “home”. Kel also started his very intensive 9 month Inductive Bible Study class under School of Biblical Studies (SBS), YWAM. It is super intensive and ever since he started, he has been staying up till 3 am to do his work. It’s crazy, but God is really doing something new in his heart. So we (especially Kel) are excited of what is to come. He is soaked in the Word every day, and it’s scary sometimes because I feel that I am not catching up. But I guess it reflects how much I need to be in His presence and digging the Word more, and it’s a wake up call for me to pull my socks up. But I can tell, despite the lack of sleep and the stress, he is really enjoying this season.

We went for our first ever family holiday (my side) since I was 5. This time round, it was with all our other halves, and kids. So it was a troupe of 11 and we finally put our act together and booked ourselves tickets to Perth (since the budget air tickets were cheap). It was such a GOOOOD time. It was a combination of fun, and very relaxing. We stayed the bulk at Margaret River. The 3 kids played, ate and slept together. The house was gorgeous and we had kangaroos on our backyard! Not just 1 or 2, but a whole big group (what’s the collective term for kangaroos? Herd?) Every single day. We had BBQ, seafood, lots of steak, lamb, salads. So good. Did I say that I miss Australia? After a year back in Singapore, we think we can still call Australia Home! The space and the nice grass, the yummy olive dips, pasta … ok, I think I’ll need a separate post for that. I will try to upload some pictures.

3 days after we came back, on the 22^nd March, we received a call that my grandmother in Malaysia passed away. We packed our bags and travelled 7 hours to dad’s hometown for the funeral and the wake. Though it was a sudden lost, we knew she’s lived to a ripe old age of 90. It was also one of the rare times when we actually met up with cousins and distant relatives that we haven’t seen for ages, some for more than 20 years. It was a massive reunion, and I know Ah Ma had left quite a legacy. It was funny, because I said that we haven’t spent time together for a long time and we ended up spending 2 whole weeks together.

So in summary, March was a month I discovered more about my family, and I didn’t know that spending time with siblings could be so much fun.

April

Kel is still very busy with SBS. He is trying hard to still spend quality time with us, and has been doing well. Though I think he can do with more sleep. As for my work front, it’s been very stressful and tiring. March was in and out for me due to the traveling and unforeseen circumstances. I was heading up the fundraising dinner team and after the major event last week; I am still experiencing much after shocks and sleep depravity. I think a lot is going on in my head, home front, work, personal … and I need the space to process. The weeks leading up to the event (since March), I have also been staying up very late every night. I don’t do well with lack of sleep, so I’ve been grinding and clenching jaws, and easily irritable. All these are not very good signs.

Janice

She deserves a section! Janice has been a great traveler. With the recent 7 hrs trip up to Perak, Malaysia, we actually survived without turning on the DVD player! It’s a real feat J She has also been a lot stronger physically. But it takes quite a bit of efforts to make sure she eats healthily (at least 3 kinds of vegetables + protein for her dinners), supplementing with Chinese herbal soup. We’ve adjusted our schedules slightly, to head off to work earlier in the morning, and finishing earlier to come home (5 plus) so that it’s not so rush to cook, and we can spend more time with her, and putting her to bed before 9pm. Sometimes I wake up in the morning at 6ish to prepare parts of the dinner. This arrangement has worked out very well, and we are likely to stick to this. After the Australia trip, she’s grown so much in maturity and understanding. It’s amazing. We’re really enjoying this season. I hope I can update more about Janice soon. She’s turning 2.5 years end of this month. She sings, chat, and make up conversations and stories for hours. She’s full of energy, expressive and affectionate.

On a lighter note :)

The previous post may sound really 'heavy'. But hey, whoever who read it, don't get too worried. I am still ok :) Life's still good and I am enjoying the best part of pregnancy - Bonding with the little one inside. What's better is that Kel is having a great time talking and spending time with the little bub at night too. He read a bedtime story and she kicked and kicked. We caught a show (Get smart) the other night with Rach, totally hilarious and the bub seemed to enjoying herself too. that 2 hrs, she moved non stop and i even managed to feel this little bump as she pressed herself against the surface of my tummy. So ticklish.

Apart from that, i celebrated my 28th Birthday last week and is looking forward to a nice dinner with some of the girls in my unit tonight (can't wait, my tummy's howling and growling). I am putting on weight as predicted by all pregnancy books. I've lost my chin (i think) and the new hair cut is making my face look round. According to some friends, i waddle when i walk and sometimes the pain from my back, pelvis and legs keeps me awake at night.

We've been kept busy trying to source things for the bub (advice given by many moms are to get most things ready now before I get too BIG), shift things around the house to plan for the new arrival and for the next few weeks will be busy with outreach and students' orientation, then our units' getaway. Kel is also kep busy every night trying to get me into comfortable positions, stretching and massaging and getting me my night snacks of mostly milk and on one occasion, slices of cheese cut into heart shapes. Pictures below were taken after my trip to the hospital for the routined check up. Bub is growing well, and heartbeat is as steady as a horse gallop across the field.