I miss juggling

I miss juggling. Not the cirques kind of juggling, but juggling life. Its strange that when life zooms you by, you want the peace and quiet, and just to be able to breathe. But sometimes I feel that I have breathed enough and its time to go, but to realize I don't know where. 

I miss being in control, over the meals of my family, our schedules and having a spreadsheet to manage my time and juggle between work, family and church. I want to be a supermom. Allowing the adrenalin to rush like crazy sometimes, only to find that I am running like a headless chicken.

I spent the past few weeks reading about the pride and downfall of kings in the Old testament. All who started off in awe and dependence on God but later went on their own ways, finding their own solutions in life and proud at their own achievements. I reflected on my own and noticed the blessedness of being stripped to total dependence, not knowing how life is going to pen out. It is 'oh so uncomfortable' and so liberating at the same time. I can't describe.

Still, I long for the day when my strength is back to 110%. The extra 10% comes because I am charged with new perspectives and empowerment, to know that my strength comes from the boast of the power from above. That I can juggle again, because He enables me. 

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

We have been very blessed with the goodness and faithfulness of God. We look back at 2010 with gratitude for all He has provided us with. Transition back to Singapore has been challenging at times but we are amazed at the distance God has brought us through this year. Without the family support, friendship, Church and prayers, we wouldn't have been where we are today. So thank you, for all who are reading this. You have been awesome.

We pray that your Christmas this year will also be filled with the gratitude and thanksgiving; and His deep love for us. Most importantly, you will be filled with the hope for what is ahead, because we have received the best gift of His son Jesus Christ, and through Him we may have hope and an abundant life.

Merry Christmas, from the 3 of us. 2011 here we come :)

Milestone thoughts

I remembered on the 12^th September 1999, my life took a turn. I accepted Jesus into my heart and life was never the same again. It was like I found a compass, is that what it is called? It’s the one that has a needle on one arm and the other arm attached to a pencil and you can draw perfect circles with that? Well it kind of felt that way. I found a centre point and as much as I could, I drew my life around it.

Fast forward 7.5 years later, on the 12^th of May 2007, I made a vow to a man, till death do us part. About 1.5 years after that, God gave us one of the most amazing gift ever, packaged with no instructions manual or whatsoever. A product of God’s blessings and our love, we held our first born in our hands. It was such a surreal experience. Pregnancy, 48 hrs of labor, emergency C-section, I actually can’t quite recall anymore. And our dear daughter turned TWO one week ago, the Terrific/Terrible Twos! I listed a couple of milestones in my life just to show the major turning points, with each turn for the better, but not exactly “easier”. I mark milestones, because it reminds me how thankful I am, that I found Jesus first and with Him as my focal, I can thread on unknown grounds with hope and confidence.

Janice turning 2 marked another milestone of my journey as a parent. Though I still feel like such a novice, these 2 years have made me a slightly wiser and “sturdy”. But there’s always this “can I make it” question nagging at the back of my mind. I said to the husband yesterday, parenting will only get harder. Our day to day decisions, speech and actions are going to be more impactful on her from now on, at least until she’s about 21. For the minutes following, I could feel literally the weight and the burden that was hard to shake off, but as I prayed a word came loud and clear. To “INSTRUCT with HIS WORD”. I may fall short with my weaknesses and flaws. I can never be a perfect parent and we 100% right. But I have a manual that may not be specific to any particular product, but yet it is useful for teaching, rebuking and training in righteousness, and that we can thoroughly be equipped by it. Continue to instruct with His word because it will never go wrong.

Parenting 201, here I come.

Staying Home

With Janice still recovering from Influenza, I've been home a lot. Working off my laptop, spending some really good time with the little princess. It's actually very nice, and I am starting to get the hang of the ad hoc hours that I can grab while she's napping. Sometimes, squeezing some flow charts out whilst she gets herself entertained by the I-Phone.

The funny thing I realized, ideas are coming, some work actually gets done. I am really enjoying it, except that it is baking hot in my mom's place. With the split multiple levels, it's hard to be at the kitchen, watching her play, catch some emails all at one time. I can't wait to move into our new place. I so love smaller apartments (flats) where multiple activities can take place at one glance. Please God, let October come soon please!

I thank God for some flexibility at my work place, who puts priority in family, and strongly propagate a trust culture. So I do get some glimpse of working from home and I certainly look forward to a new job arrangement when I do move into our own little nest, so stay tune!

In this quiet space

This space has been very quiet lately (we're still alive!) for a couple of reasons:

• I am quite a boring person and I have nothing much to write about
• I am too lazy plus I have not much inspiration to write
• I haven't had much time to think
• last month has been quite a crazy, eventful month: HK trip, a work conference in KL and a family retreat at Bintan, Janice started childcare

BUT I still must say, GOD'S been very good. We're all well, and I hope to get inspired by the Holy spirit more through the daily nits and grits. AND Janice is a super cutie pie and she's turned 19months.

Not Alone

I felt really odd driving out to meet a bunch of girlfriends for dinner to celebrate Lil's birthday. I felt even more odd as I got back into the car to drive home. It's been a year (or more?) since I drove out myself at night, without Janice, without Kelvin. I read a lot lately about "me" time and since Janice was born, it's practically non-existent. Tonight was one rare night. Though I felt the sudden "liberty" to be out, meeting up with people, no agenda. Bed-time, meal, etc all taken care of by the loving daddy, yet the weird feeling of wanting to be home at the same time, missing the baby smell on her head.

On the eve of Janice's first, I had the time and space to think and reflect. Just a short 20 mins, but the amount of space was amazing. I wondered about my identity and how the role of motherhood has taken over my life, like some massive invasion. Physically, I am never alone, because Janice is with me, almost 24/7. I felt strangely lost without her presence but at that point I was just anchored by simply the presence of God that is with me, reminding me of my true identity.

Lots of other thoughts came in, that reminded me how grounded I am with Jesus in me and a husband who loves me. And of course this little girl who cracks me up (both in tears and laughters) all the time. I am starting to understand a wee bit of what it is to learn to live in the present. I am glad, I am not alone.

Happy Birthday you chimmy chummy baby, I love you to bits (1st year entry for you will come soon). And to the best hubby, you've made a great mark as a daddy. And I am just so glad she's calling out for you all the time, her "daddddeeeee" melts my heart too.

THE time that doesn't wait

I have say this too, Vic ... Time flies. It really does! So much have zoomed by, right before my eyes. And then, I am sinking deeper below waters. Janice is growing up so fast and I have lost tracks of her many "first times". She is so fast that I am having trouble pulling out my camera to even snap a shot. A mother once advised to get a good camera phone, because that's the only thing you can pull out fast enough, such wisdom. I want to blog about many things, but have not even done it, and now i pull open the blog page during lunch, and I can't seem to pen anything down.

Where should I start from? God has been amazingly good. He spoke through the UL getaway we had last weekend. And then there was the Yoghurt Allergy scare from Janice. Then as mentioned by my dear husband, there was the baby dedication yesterday.

Ok, finished my lunch, looks like I have to procrastinate posting again. lol

Major Adjustment!

I think I am suffering withdrawal symptoms from the departure of my dear mom. She was with us for almost 2 months and just left for Singapore last Saturday. I think she pampers me (us) so much la, though she used to ask me to help out with housework here and there when I was younger, nowadays she just does everything for me. I was spoiled with home cooked dinners when I come back from work, the house is cleaned, clothes washed. Everything was done nicely. She is always so cluey with things and so efficient too. I can come home with a whole bag of bottles, containers etc to be washed after Janice's day at child care, and just when I thought mom was busy with cooking dinner, i realise that not only dinner is cooked, pots washed, everything that needs to be washed are washed and sterilised. Food was delicious, I just had to mention what I felt like eating and it will be on the table. She looks after Janice to the details too, so much so, I felt a little overwhelmed.

Now the full load of working, baby caring, housework and ministry is back. Man, by the time i cleaned up and prepared Janice pureed food and did laundry, was already 11. Shan't bore you with details. But last night was like a nightmare of J crying many times and almost unable to be soothed. So now, I feel like a zombie, at work, with her with me.

It's major adjustment for me and oh! I still have to prepare for a little preaching session on Sunday. But His grace and strength is for me, let me learn to claim it and experience it!

I shall stop ranting and continue to work while Janice naps :)

39 Weeks 2 Days and What I have been up to

We're still eagerly waiting and anticipating. She's engaged and besides the occasional cramps I have been experiencing, nothing seems consistent enough to lead to the 'real labor'. So what have I been up to? My activities ranges from heading out with mom, walking a lot, re-arranging furniture, re-packing and organising shelves, paying lots of bills to make sure that they won't go overdue if I were to give birth, settling things for our investment place, church stuffs, meetings @ night, even babysitting Elise .... so actually there hasn't been any free time. Kel has been so busy with work, ministry and other pockets of time, we've been going to furniture and electrical shops to settle our investment place. Though I would lounge out at our couch and read a book, I have been feeling more fruitful and effective, which keeps me more focused and less sluggish.

I must be really needing to learn patience because this waiting is still such a .. hmm I can't even find a word to describe. Some painless cramps have been felt after some prayers on Tuesday during our prayer meeting so please continue to pray alongside with us that the cramps will intensify to contractions (haha I sound like a sadist) and there will be some progress towards the arrival. Induction will be scheduled on roughly 7th November should she not be out yet, so we're really praying that we don't have to wait till then :)
This was taken yesterday at Guyatt park. I had such a rare treat to take a stroll to the park with Kel when we had some 1hr to spare before dinner and DDMM. Thank God that my mom has been helping us out with cooking. So we took a stroll there to wait for Sophie, Ailing and James at the city cat terminal.

They came down from SG to meet Janice fresh from the oven so we've been telling Janice she has some datelines to meet before they head back to Singapore! The last photo was Uncle Kel trying to entertain Sophie in her slightly 'high' mode from the cold. I think she was going a little wonky because of the cold wind. But we're really having heaps of fun having proper conversations with this little one!

Janice, come out and meet your cousin :)

Preggie Bonus + Attention

Haha, I've got people standing up giving me seats in the shopping centers. A lady rushing over to me to insist she helps to pull the supermarket trolley out for me to use. She said, too much strength required to seperate out these trolleys, dear! Oh and I've got a lady offering me to jump the Q for the public toilets because she says I need it more :) I walked along the Saturday market stalls and have a few shout out to me Good lucks and all the best, asking me if I was ready to pop. I've got a happy shopper who bought a baby sling and coming up to me telling me to get one of it as its the best thing she has ever found. She even directed me to the stall! Funny!

Decluttering

I am such a organised freak. I love to have everything in an absolutely organised manner. Not just organised, it has to be pretty. I awe in shops like Kikki where I wished I lived and worked in such pretty and organised environment (though everything in there is fakely organised. So idealistic in this realistic world). But I have a confession! I have been procrastinating in my filing for ages. I have piles of "organised" looking paper waiting to go into the place where they should belong. In office and at home. And I am totally struggling! I also have the habit of collecting some junks which I always FEAR I need them someday, so each time I spring clean, I kick myself and feel frustrated at myself. So now I am on this motto, I got to learn to declutter and be consistent at my filing! Yikes!

Spaghetti brain at work

The counter says 34 weeks+, so its just 5 over weeks till the expected due date. I am slowly losing count of the weeks, and sometimes wonder if I was 33 or 35 weeks, somehow, the brain just seems a little muddled. Its either because of a pregnanted brain or I can't count till 40 properly. Many people have commented including my mom that Janice might be out earlier, many whom judged it by the "look" of it, and also past history of how all 3 of us (as in me and my sibs) were all born early. I think I was about 30 over days earlier than expected. So, we shall see, though I can't imagine how labor is going to be like. I just feel super pregnant now, heavy and clumsy :) No braxton hicks, nothing. So, I think I'll just trust Him for His perfect timing and anticipate some surprises round the corner. I am not so good at surprises, as in, if given a choice, I would love to know the exact date, haha that's me. But this is good, somehow teaching me in focusing on Him rather than on the birth itself. Anyway, seems to us that Jan is still having a jolly great time inside, stretching, kicking, jutting up her little bum etc. And oh, something in the Babycenter newsletter amused me, apparently the little one at this point is fully developed in her hearing and responds well to high pitch voices. I wonder why she loves it when her daddy talks to her! :) - I'll leave this for you to guess haha

My mom has been around for the past week. Can't express how good it is to come home to home-cooked food. I even go back home for lunch during my lunch break! I don't have to wake up in the morning thinking what to cook + pack for breakie, snacks and lunch, and what to defrost for dinner. Such a blessing! So this week has been a bliss in this aspect, but somehow I am feeling so "lack" in times of reflection and thinking with God. The preparation towards some changes in ministry, and also trying to tie down as much as I can at work leaves me waking up and going to sleep thinking about them. I really need to hear from Him more and as I worshipped Him yesterday, to appreciate more of His beauty. I can learn all about the breathing and relaxation techniques in birthing but as I was practicing in the class, the Holy spirit spoke that nothing will be better than being able to rest and be assured in His beautiful presence.

Meanwhile (I'll still be working for a couple more weeks) for the next few weeks, I hope to accomplish the following:

• Spend quality time with Jesus
• Finish packing + cleaning Janice's stuffs plus pack my hospital bag (I know I should have done so already)
• Catch up with a few more people from the life group and my sheep
• Spend some quality time with my mom and my dearie husband
• Wrap up things at work (that's a whole list of items on its own!)

I realise I am horrid at titles, also because I am such a woman, spaghetti brained (You know how women are like spaghetti and men like waffles?) So whenever I blog, I end up ranting on and would have multiple topics within a post. Which is also the reason why I blog, because it helps me to see things in a different light. Oh yes, I will try to put up pictures soon. I know some of you from overseas are starting to wonder how I look now :)

..... you see what I mean about multiple topics? oh well.

The start of my week

I am stucked working from home today. After the usual dramatic motion of getting out of bed this morning, my right leg broke into a massive cramp. No one's around as Kel has gone off to work earlier and thus it was just me hobbling and wobbling out of bed. Tried stretching and walking around a little, but still the cramps came each time I rest any weight on it. It is also not funny for a pregnant whale like me to start hopping with one foot. It was quite funny (ok not quite) but I was literally laughing and almost crying each time the cramps came. Tried a hot shower, praying desperately I won't slip and fall, thank God I didn't. But still I wasn't confident to hobble down the stairs and step on the accelerator (on my right foot) to work. So I've asked to work from home today. At least the hilarious movements of hobbling and almost crawling on all fours is kept within the confines of home.

Since I am home working, and with many diet constraints due to G.D., and also needing to top up my iron level, I made myself a healthy lunch, so that's the picture of it ... Pan fried lean steak, cut into strips and tossed with chick peas, baby cos lettuce, grape tomatoes, olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Hard to be really creative at this point, but I am actually really enjoying this lunch (Still munching on it).

Elephant Swell

My feet is swelling and oozing out of my (Size 7!) shoes. Kind of look like elephant feet. Swell out of proportion again after leading prayer on Tuesday. Time to be hung upside down. My brain feels like its swelling too from reviewing the policies and procedures I have on hand. And I think I was over stimulated last night just thinking about the getaway this week, the details, the preparation and doing up the teaching. So stimulated that I think i must have tortured my poor tired (plus down with a cough and cold) husband because he tried so hard to stay awake so that I could unload my fast tracked mind to him in hope I can sleep better. It didn't quite work and made him go to sleep while I ended up waking like what seems a thousand times visiting the loo. I think that explains why I feel so tired today. I think Kel's feeling the same. Poor thing.

My New Desk

My New Desk
Originally uploaded by kelvin and chia yen

Presenting my new desk (and the lamp, thanks to AL's suggestion heh!) So happy to now have a work place at home without having to clear the dining table all the time. The best is that this desk can be closed off to hide the mess. Could have gotten a simple 4 legged one that will cost much less but Kel got this for me as a Mothers' day (dat bit early for me, but since pregnancy hasn't been that easy ... heee) and Anniversary gift. Took him the whole of Saturday night to assemble since ikea's over simplified instructions arn't always the most friendly, and this whale looking wife here can't do much except to limp here and there to offer some weak encouragement whilst preparing for a little sermon. Thanks dear! You're the best!

grwwl ...

The weather is turning berri cold and dry. And i just couldn't get a proper night's rest because the throat is just so sore. It's so bad that I wake up uncountable times through the night wondering why I have to sleep with my mouth half gapping open thus getting my throat so dry and sore. It has been happening for a few days plus the late nights I have been having and the still throwing up syndromes at night that I finally succembed to taking the day off and just sleep. The sleep still wasn't working well that I had a prayer in the afternoon pleading God to grant me a good sleep so that the headache would at least go away. Praise God it did! Even managed a catching up time with one of my JG and drop in to the supermarket so "cure" my hungry stomach which still hasnt been absorbing food well. I can feel the headache creeping back so i should head to my pillows soon. I am still not getting enough food to tame that growling stomach ...

Just a nice Saturday afternoon ...

New beginnings

I love the start of each new year because it always brings about new beginnings and a reason once again to review and resolute. I have been caught up with starting up the year that not blogging has become almost habitual.

It has been 2 weeks since we've settled into our new humble abode. Welcomed many guests over for lunches/teas, meetings and shepherdings. From the core team of the sub district to covenant friends, sheep(s) and many others. We simply can't express how grateful we are to be back in the hub of ministry. Being back here has brought about a reminder too, of not settling into an all comfortable mode but more to bless. And I know God has been and still is stretching me to grow in areas of sacrificial giving, and that includes releasing my dear husband more to ministry. The question now is how much more and the cry out to Him is for the enlargement of my heart.

*tiny glimpse to our new place. This is the dining area more photos will be up on my facebook when I get down to uploading them all :)

All in all, it has been a learning curve for me (us). Especially also in the area of finances, making decisions, responsibilities in fulfiling loan, building fund, savings etc.

God has also been really speaking into our lives as we seeked Him for future plans. Ministry planning, family planning and specific steps to undertake. One thing that has struck clear to us is to remember to make decisions not merely based upon a 'micro-family' context but to grow in my kingdom perspectives. Its easy to have career plans, family plans, financial plans revolving around just the 2 of us, for our family and kids in future but there is more than just that. I got to be ready to embrace what is of benefit to His kingdom, church and people.

I sensed that this year's a pivotal where God is shaping us in our convictions. Already He has reminded once again of the way our lives are weaved tightly with those surrounding us ~ leaders working alongside with us and people under our care. The kind of consequences our decisions have upon them and likewise the impact and influence we can have. It's just making me crave to hear more from Him and how badly I want my steps to be endorsed by the Holy Spirit.

I got Tagged!

Ok i am on a sick leave, supposed to be taking heaps of rest but had to get onto my computer to do some stuffs. Since i got tagged by Ailing, shall continue with this friendly chain ... here goes ;)

5 Things :

A. Found in my Room
1. Bed - My fave red quilt cover on ( i only have 2) with 4 pillows, cushion, frog stuff toys etc etc, you wonder how Kel and I manage to find space :)
2. Chest of Drawers - White from Ikea, with heaps of stuffs on it, Rubbarb table runner, earrings, clock, perfumes etc
3. Side Table - With our photos, heaps of books, read/half read/unread, body lotion
4. Wardrobe - With clothes in it ??
5. Basket - Wireless modem, plugs, chargers, cordless phone

Ok having these descriptions is taking way too long and i feel like i am coming up with a garage sale list!

B. I have always wanted to
1. Have kids young
2. Be a sportswoman
3. Be an artist/designer
4. Take nice photographs
5. Go Church Planting

C. Found in my Bag
1. Wallet
2. Purse filled with discount vouchers, tissue paper and a lip balm
3. Vitamins
4. Purple notebook
5. Bible

D. Found in my Wallet
1. Eftpos Cards, Credit cards
2. Fly buys
3. Driver license
4. Medibank Card
5. Receipts and discount dockets from entertainment book

E. I am currently into
1. Learning how to run effective meetings and departments, 2008 planning (Department, structures ... )
2. Paining 3. Anything related to house renovation
4. Interesting blogs (Kel calls me a blog stalker!)
5. Babies (not mine tho, haha unfortunately :) -- Looking after Elise once in a while, talking to Estella etc etc)

5 Candidates to Tag :

1. Sunita
2. Jocelyn
3. Vicky
4. Lucia
5. Estella

Zoom in and out

Do you sometimes find it extremely hard to take account of your daily lives especially when the pace is running relatively fast and by the time the end of the day comes you are already looking into what is happening tomorrow? There are days upon coming home late and I find myself scurrying around, trying to get my next day sorted out, pack some lunch for the Kel and myself. And before i know it, i hit the sack and its tomorrow. It's only when i was browsing through different people's blogs that i begin to think what this blog is all about. What's the purpose of it, what should i pen down etc. It was meant to be a sort of journal for me, ok, now since we are sharing the blog as a family, for Kel and me. I say some sort of journal because we're definitely not those who will write down the details of what we have done through the day, neither are we people who has got many thoughts and opinions. We're normal people, who yeah have thoughts and opinions but many a times we talk and almost forgot about it. Meanwhile let this place be a place of spontaneous entries unless any of you readers have some sort of preferences, just leave us a note.

I try to look back each week of what has been done and achieved so that i can better take stock of what is ahead. I think something that was significant to me personally was the teaching i prepared and taught over life group last Friday. Though the lesson was not an extraordinary lesson, touching on God's holiness and us pursuing holiness, still it was one of those lessons, as i prepared, I could feel the holy spirit alongside, so that was great. There were things i have been wanting to touch on, areas like the way we lead our lives, areas where there is no absolute rights or wrongs. In fact many areas are not even close to being scripturally wrong. However, being stewards of our lives, we could lead a life that seeks to please Him more, proactively, and at the same time proactively growing, not just in life but spiritually too. To engage in activities that will not only be great fun but lead us to be more passionate for Him and His purposes too! Hey, no we can still have fun, just that we need to constantly remember to take stock of our lives, popping this question often, are we growing and having increasing passion for Him each day? Its an area I have been constantly challenged in. In the past, i have gone with such a mentality, i work hard for ministry and i will come to this one day that I switch off anything that is related to the things of God. I told God, just let me be, its MY day. I come to realise that God tugs in my heart and revealed to me His Big heart. Isn't He the air i breathe each day? Each day shouldnt be missed without Him in my life, and that includes His purposes too. I am learning, that in days of relaxation, I think of Him and His heart, learning to involve Him and say goodbye to private areas of my life. I was glad to have taken the lesson, and really its more blessed to give than to receive, because as i gave my time for preparation and teaching, He blessed me heaps more with insights too. What a steep learning curve to perfection!

Its going to be a long night tonight. Finished work and going to zoom home for a quick dinner of leftovers and zoom back to office for worship practice. Good thing for an effective Monday where i could cook more for the week (save up for days like this, busy but still have storage of food) and caught up on some housework, vacuum, mop, cook wash, all in 2 hrs. Not bad.

Alrighty, gonna zoom off. Cheers.