Random thoughts from a chemo-fried brain

‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty.

This was a word of reminder for me today after a refreshing time of worship. It's been some time since I last updated. I was told that I need to occasional wave here so that those who have been praying will also know if I am alright.

Much has happened since I last updated. On the medical front, there has been one or two dramas here and there. Found new growth, changed chemotherapy combo (its a bit like mixing cocktails here), new growth shrunk, the rest remained pretty similar, thus I'm continuing with the new drugs. Coughed blood in my sputum for a couple days, thank God it subsided after that. Had my 2nd round of the new chemo yesterday, knocked out for the night, woke up with a growling rumbling tummy, took a bite and slept in till 12. Janice stayed over my parent's so I could sleep uninterrupted, but the funny thing is that I sort of tiptoed round the house last night, forgot she was at my parent's, and this morning even woke up thinking I heard her singing in her room. My brain might be a little chemofried here, but Gosh, I miss her!

We also took a short trip to Phuket last week, in between the chemo cycles. It was a nice break, though we really didn't do much. It was still good time spent with the little family, plus my parents. I think part of me thought that going for a trip might give me some form of normality, but I as I pondered and prayed on the flight back, I realized it's never going to be NORMAL again. Initially I felt a sense of lost, like trying in search of my "old life", like eat like a normal person (depends on how you define normal here), basically living like this "cancer thing" has never happened. I was a little frustrated, and began to find it hard when my parents fussed over me, my diet, how I am. Conversations, blog entries sometimes do not deviate from the topic of this season. I wished I could fast forward and leave this behind.

The Word then spoke to me "Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in His body is done with sin. As a result, he does live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God" [1 Pet 4:1-2]

My life is never going to be NORMAL again, because the definition of normality should not be confined to the normalities of the world, but it is live in accordance to the call and purpose He has intended me to have. This season is meant to shape me and redefine me in accordance to His will, and it will only be worthwhile if I were to rise up to that instead of clinging on to the past and think (and wish) that all these were but a dream.

I live by the spirit and the power of the Lord each day. In this season, ever more so, because I know that my might and strength will not be enough, in fact futile. But my prayer is that this builds me some good spiritual muscles, that when I enter a new season, I am armed with so much more.

On the lighter note, here's us at Phuket. I can't believe how much my little girl has grown, and how much God has blessed me with these sweetie pies (the husband included)

Because of my bloody sputum, I had to go through a series of tests, thus the trip got delayed for 1/2 a day. We had to forgo out original jetstar tickets (waiting for them to be compassionate and refund with some travel vouchers) but we got to go on silkair! :) haven't had food, entertainment and kiddo freebies on our flights for a while :) we were v. happy haha!

Look at how thrilled she was with the sand and rushing waves

Believe it or not, it was pretty much pitch dark when this shot was taken (almost 7 in the evening) but the shots turned out with awesome lighting!