Thoughts on a Sunday Night

My life, or our lives (as a family) took a totally unexpected turn about 1.5 months back. What we thought was a common cough and backache I had for the past couple of months turned out to be a stage 4 lung cancer. The weeks leading up to the diagnosis on the 30th June 2011, was a whirlwind of tests, and scans. It was the scariest time of my life, almost like walking through dark tunnels that brought us deeper and further away.

As the scans and tests began to reveal almost my entire insides, in search for cancer cells, I know that God too was doing a major surgical work in me and many of those who were standing by me, especially my family and some close friends. We really struggled to figure what was going on, I would wake up in the middle of night with pangs of fear that made me feel too sick to move. But somehow, God just never failed to speak and gave us peace that we could not explain. I remembered when the tests were still going on and when we first got the hint from the specialists that it was cancer, we sat at the hospital bench. I closed my eyes and the first thing I remembered asking of God was joy. When that came out, my carnal nature questioned, joy? What was I thinking? But little did I know that that was the very note

that held us together since the journey started.

Fast track 1.5 months later, 1 cycle of chemo into the treatment, with 1 more on the way in less than 24hrs time; there's been so much to thank God for. The list is too long to recount here. To name a few: My parents accepted Christ and has been hungry to learn about Christ since then. I am blessed with tremendous support from family and friends. As I stood in worship this morning, I recounted the series of events, though felt like a deep valley, has only affirmed a truth of God's unconditional love for me. Not just for those around me, but for me. The truth that seemed to have found its place in my mind and my heart. It was clear and doubtless. It kept ringing over and over again in my heart today, you know just like how a toddler first learnt their steps, they would keep trying and walk over and over again as if it was a strange new feeling that they've found their legs.

Besides all these, its amazing to see how Janice has grown over the weeks. I can't believe how much she has grown in the vocabulary in prayers. Tonight before the reading of bedtime stories, she turned to the dad and said, "we must pray for mummy first, ok." Without any prompting she prayed a simple prayer, "Dear Jesus, please heal mummy and protect mummy, in Jesus name, Amen. Now mummy, you can start to read now!" Before I left the room, she wanted to pray for me again.

I had to release some of my thoughts here today, it's been an incredible journey, very scary, I've never felt that uncertain in life, I've never had so much time to read the bible, pray and worship, and experience Him so closely either. I've never had so much support and prayers garnered up for me.

Okay this post ended to be longer than planned. So good night, I should now get some rest for Chemo attack number 2 tomorrow.