Parenting Tools 101

Parenting is fun, very rewarding but also very challenging. One aspect of parenting I think is very important is BOUNDARIES. There is nothing easy about boundaries, how much is too much, too much, too stifling? How to draw effective boundaries but yet giving room for the child to explore, learn and satisfy their bottomless curiosity?

In our world where time is often bounded with agendas and schedules, its difficult. Because for those who has kids would agree with me, that time frames is almost non-existent to a toddler. They can almost never understand the concept of "hurry" because you have a meeting to attend and need to get them out of the house in "x" minutes. Or when they choose to indulge themselves in an activity they enjoy, "enough" doesn't exist in their dictionary. I am sure God feels this way when He tries to make us understand His concept of eternity.

I must also say that ever since I've fallen sick (another entry needed for this), I've got many perspective shifts, of what's important and what's not. My lifestyle now has also come to a halt and has since slowed down. It's nice because I've not needed to rush Janice out of the house in morning because we are all late for work/class etc. And I've not needed to get her into bed earlier because she doesn't need to wake up early like before (though my dad thinks her childcare should now give us 20% discount since she will only reach her class close to noon). Such lifestyle suits a toddler perfect.

Back to boundaries (I digressed): Regardless, boundaries are still required. One tool that has worked really well for us is the use of timer. Now, I've also got a girl who's a stickler at rules and stuffs, so timer works perfect.

We introduce the timer sometime back and has helped us in many occasions: Timer for TV time, X minutes to go before bedtime, I phone/I pad usage, X minutes before a bath/loo is needed, length of time she's going to spend in the bath, paint, play, how long more to go before she keeps her toys. I think the secret for making it work is giving Janice the option of number of minutes, for example, 2 minutes or 5 minutes? etc. She decides and she sets the timer, when it rings, she turns off herself and move on to the next required activity. Because she was the one who decides on the time, she has less issues in following it. There will be times when she negotiates for more, and that's when we will then discuss. Of recent, the timer even works for melt downs. One of those tantrums that used to give us a big headache is when she starts to yell what she doesn't want but have no idea what she wants. She will continue by yelling she wants mummy when I am sitting right before her, and it can sometimes go for quite a long while. We started asking her recently how long she needs to cry and yell for, since we know that such outlets are essential for them to release some steam sometimes. She will usually say something like 1 or 2 minutes, she will funnily then set her own timer and when it rings, she will stop crying. Funny, and very cute.

I guess it also helps that they don't count till big numbers yet, so 10mins is often the max. the timer's been set for.

Try this timer method if you haven't, it's surprisingly effective!