A Delight to be a Disciple

After I was D overdosed last week, a friend (was my j.c. teacher) dropped me a message reminding me of a couple of scriptures: Psalm 37:3-4 and John 11:1-43.

I sat on the word (not literally!) for a few days as I worked through a couple of struggles in my heart. I sensed the freedom to keep my life (and my thoughts) simple as I learn to walk with the Lord e.v.e.r.y. s.i.n.g.l.e. d.a.y.

Desires - my desires are met by my Lord and I shall not be in want. He satisfy all my needs and knows of all my desires. 

Disciple - Above all my roles on earth, I am a disciple of Christ. Like Peter, and many others in the bible, I have flaws and weaknesses. But I choose to believe in the death and resurrection of Jesus. To believe and live out His word and put fulfilling His commission above my plans. To know that sometimes He takes time to mould me, He uses circumstances to shape me, all because He loves me.

Delight - In waiting, instead of seeing it as a Delay thus discouragement, I learn to delight. It teaches me to have a grateful heart. A bitter spirit eats up the joy, and crushes the spirit. I've seen how bitter I can get when I face struggles in parenting, in my marriage, and life in general. Thus I will learn to take Delight as His Disciple. Wouldn't you? If you know that you are a disciple to the great high priest, the wonderful counselor, and the great King over the heaven and earth. He who will freely give - Love, guidance, wisdom and power. 

My human mind can only comprehend how hard and impossible all the above is. But the gentle holy spirit will tell me, keep it simple because" surely I am with you, till the very end of age (Matthew 28:20, Jesus' last words)"

Growing up fast!

Dear Janice,

You're growing up fast! I found a picture of you still swimming in my tummy, about 2 weeks before you popped. And now, you're swimming like a little mermaid, quite fearless in the waters.

You are the biggest joy in our lives, amusing us with your funny statements and witty thoughts. You surprise us with creativity and taught us to look at things in a whole new perspective. You sometimes wake up a grouch but most days wake up like a little sunshine, beaming through your smiles and fill the house with your endless chats.

At 3.5 years old, you have not much problem expressing your thoughts and feelings, and of course your "wants". You enjoy adding and subtraction; likes doing homework [except for chinese :( ]. Your life is filled with pretend play, and you seem to have endless bouts of energy that people often asked how we kept up with you. Though you may not be the "run and climb" around sort, but besides watching and the TV, painting and during meals (you have no choice) you are constantly on a move.

Janice, you're well loved and I pray that the foundation given at home helps to build a healthy sense of security in you. Constantly surrounded by your grandparents, you lack nothing but has been given abundance (toys inclusive), so remember to always treat your love ones in gentleness and love!

You're easily excitable (like your daddy) so its always fun to plant little surprises for you because of the way you eyes lit. Even your Gong Gong and Popo hide toys, plan surprise random trips to the parks, buy Bao (Your love for Bao is another story of its own) for you after school just to see that bright eyes and hear that contagious giggle. 

When we talk about you, we are filled with pride because we are proud of you. We are filled with immense thanksgiving because you are really God's gift to us. Especially to me, you've given me strength and taught me to live each day with joy.

Love you dearly,

Mummy

D overdosed.

It's been a while since I blogged. Its not that life has been that uneventful. But I am just unmotivated. I think being unmotivated to blog is just the surface, i am just unmotivated in general. So I pondered, prayed, D factors came to mind. 

Firstly this blog is Disorganized and I have been hoping that the categories are neater, and the hoping that to give the blog a face-lift. But as you can see, I am still hoping since no actions has been taken. The blog is just one area, there are many areas in my life that I am hoping to see improvements and the truth is that I need (and I want to) take responsibilities over them.

Then came the Discouragements. Ever since the last PET, things went a little downhill, health wise. I fell sick, then there was a bout of cough that lasted a couple weeks, then there was the fractured rib, and I felt easily tired and breathless all over again. All these just felt like a drag and in that few weeks, I really struggled in my devotions and even my bible reading program was on pause. 

So all in all led to a Disarray of priorities. Ever since the start of the year, I have been praying and asking God to direct us (especially for me). Plans, my focus, what's the next step, how I could meaningfully spend my time etc. Though there were the downtimes (health wise again), I feel well enough most days to want to do something. Not just pacing around thinking of where to have my lunch, but "do something" constructive. 

Therefore, I have been doing a lot more, took up projects at my (ex) workplace, serving in the worship ministry, re-conquering my kitchen, meal planning, attempted pilate, home learning plans for J, reorganizing J's room, attend a conference and many other items on the list. And so, I started feeling frustrated. I fell back to my usual bad habits again: Doing and not being able to differentiate what's important and what should be under the good to do, but not the priority list. Where is God leading me, have I stopped to ask? "Let go" there are just some things that are not important, I don't have to achieve them all. 

De clutter needs to take place. I am now back on track with my bible reading program. I am talking to God to figure out what's my call for this season. I am also trying not to focus on the uncertainties that I am incapable of figuring out the outcome (like my health). The husband has a silent retreat planned up for me (all by myself) so the only one I communicate to in that 2 days is God. I am learning to feel at ease to say no to projects (and no to myself). As I am typing all these, I am taking Deep breaths because the most important thing I need to learn is to relax my tense muscles and trust God for His full control. 

p.s. by the way, this post came totally un-planned. In the midst of silence on my blog over the past few weeks/months, there were many note worthy posts, most of them to point to me of God's faithfulness. So tonight, I thought I should give Him the due honor and to somehow blog them down as my "future reference". I needed to start somewhere and was going to write a post about an encounter I had last week. But I got intercepted by D thoughts above. So somehow, I Digressed real bad and will have to Defer my entry because I am now seriously sleepy after this long post. Ha :)

There, I am now overdosed with D :) 

~D end~

Updates: The journey continues

Looks like this leg of the journey is still ongoing. 4 PET scans, 7 Xrays, 6 CT scans, countless blood tests, 6 cycles of Chemo, 6 days of radiation and 3 months of oral drug treatment later, the journey hasn't ended. 8 months ago, I didn't know how long this journey would be and even wondered if that would be the final leg of my journey. 

So at this point, I am still not sure how long it is going to take. Reports from the PET scan and blood test done 2 days ago shows a good and not so good results. The main tumor in the lung (radiated on earlier) has reduced further, and the affected bones and lymph nodes seem to be gone :) The guys who did my PET even thought that these areas were radiated on therefore got better, but we did not. In fact, that was our litmus test to see if the oral drug is actually working and it seems that the drug is working, miraculously. But there're new growths in the same lung and an ovarian cyst which we are still unsure of their "toxicity". Blood test also reflected better readings for one marker and a rise for the other. So after many months, the oncologist continues to conclude me as her most challenging case. I'm still feeling fine physically, so we joked perhaps the problem lies in the machine! Even my dad started to doubt if I was really sick. 

I was a little disappointed though I am still convinced of God's hands upon my life. The God I know who's the almighty and omnipotent God remains true yesterday, today and tomorrow. After some tears last night, I am woke up this morning to be renewed by the promises of God. The 'pause' is not a total halt, I sense a time of preparation, sharpening of vision and building us towards it. 

Psalm 112

 ¹ Praise the LORD.^[b]   Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who finds great delight in his commands. ² His children will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. ³ Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures forever. ⁴ Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man. ⁵ Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely, who conducts his affairs with justice. ⁶ Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever. ⁷ He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. ⁸ His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes. ⁹ He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor, his righteousness endures forever;his horn will be lifted high in honor.

 ¹⁰ The wicked man will see and be vexed, he will gnash his teeth and waste away; The longings of the wicked will come to nothing. 

Pause

Whilst I was doing my devotions this morning, I suddenly had the picture of Janice tapping on the pause button when she was asked to do something in the midst of her watching video clips (she learnt that herself...kids nowadays). But I felt in my heart that God had somehow hit my pause button some 8 months ago.
In the midst of that 'pause' He has allowed me to filter and figure what matters most.
Many things took its 'pause' over the last 8 months. Career was one, I did way less housework, and many daily routines that sort of fell into place to work around the schedules. But in that midst, my worship grew, my devotions grew, my faith grew. My role as a mom, a wife grew (I tried to spend more time being there rather than busying myself round the house all the time). I have a lot more opportunities to spend time with my parents and friends. I am now putting efforts to work on my passions and plant myself to be an effective sister in Christ in the local church. I learnt to rest.
This 'pause' exposed my vulnerability and showed me to rely on MY mighty God everyday.

One Pot Goodness: Pumpkin Chicken Rice

* sorry this pic was very badly taken because the lighting was bad in the kitchen and I was just too lazy

I love these one pot goodness because they are easy to make and very little washing up. Preparation and washing can be done under 30 mins - * I like :) This particular dish has been my comfort food since Brisbane days.

Ingredients:

Rice - (I used 1/2 short grain rice because I like it slightly sticky)

Chicken fillet (Breast or Thigh) - Sliced up into small pieces, marinate with soya sauce, dash of wine, pepper, sesame oil, and corn flour

Dried Shitake Mushrooms - Pre-soaked for 1-2 hrs

Dried Shrimps - A small handful

Garlic - chopped up

Pumpkin - Cubed

Soya Sauce light and dark

Method:

Put rice into rice cooker

While rice is being cooked,  I prepared the ingredients

- sliced up chicken

- marinate chicken

- chopped up garlic
- cubed the pumpkin

- used scissors to cut up the dried mushrooms

Cooking portion:
- heat up frying pan with oil (I used grapeseed oil)
- add garlic and let it sizzle (not burnt)
- add dried shrimp
- add in pumpkin (if you prefer, you can pre-steam the pumpkin a little to soften and quicken the process)
- add in chicken
- add a dash of dark soya sauce
Lightly stir fry for a minute or so (Pumpkin should more or less be softened and chicken almost fully cooked)

By then the rice in the rice cooker should be almost done (Water dried up when you open the rice cooker)
Add all the ingredients onto the rice and mix well
Let the rice cooker finish its job

Meanwhile, wash up and by then everything should be done.
Serve and garnish with Fried Shallots and sesame seeds (optional)

Today, I have sharks fin melon soup and purple cabbage salad to go with the rice.

Dips

Dips are yummy and you need them at any parties. They are so good for nibbling off carrot & celery sticks and water-thin crackers. A few friends have requested for some dips recipes. My take is that as long as there is garlic and lemon juice + herbs, it would taste good. But be sure to brush your teeth after eating, unless your partner doesn't mind your garlic breath. :)

Hommus
Ingredients:

• 2 cloves garlic
• 400g Chick peas
• Fresh lemon juice
• 2 tbsp tahini (I blended my own sesame seeds)
• Salt and pepper to taste

Blend everything together. 

Garlic and Herb Dip

Ingredients:

• Small bunch of parsley (Or chives)
• 1 clove garlic
• 2 Shallots/spring onions (actually 1 small onion also can) 
• 250g cream cheese
• 2 tbsp plain yoghurt or milk

Blend everything together. 

Blessed New Year! - 2012

2011 has been an incredible year for us. Over the past 6 months, we’ve really tasted and experience the goodness of God and we are truly grateful for what He has done for us. Though it was a tremendously difficult time and all still seem surreal to us, we have really been blessed so much: Generosity of friends, who’ve blessed us with friendship and finances, and the unconditional love from our family members. God has really shown us how faithful He is through so many different events: The salvation of my parents, financial provision, supportive bosses and colleagues, spiritual support and love from all around us.

Though it has been a roller coaster ride with my condition fluctuating over the months, we thank God that we could celebrate this festive time and welcome the new year with the post radiation X-ray showing good signs of recovery. We are definitely entering the new year, a different person and we've never learnt to trust God this way. We continue to believe God for His healing hands as we learn to embrace the New Year with hopes and greater trust in the Lord’s good plans.

Thank you for journeying with us: For your unceasing prayers, messages, emails, visits, phone calls etc. We pray that you will too experience His great love, and His mighty power.

Have a wonderful 2012! 

Salmon Chazuke

Kitchen is probably one of the most important part of the house to me. I like it when I organize it my way. I like it when I can whip up some simple healthy meals to feed the family. I have lots of dreams for my perfect kitchen but this humble one I have, for now is more than good enough :) 

My mom has been great over the past months, cooking for us (and slowly infusing her own kitchen items few pieces a time into the kitchen) One of the things I miss over the past few months, is cooking. I don't know if its more the control over the kitchen that I am missing or the actual cooking. (Haha I am that control freak when it comes to the kitchen, its my domain!) Regardless, I am glad that I have been able to be well enough of late to gain back some control (hiak!) and whip up some meals. (AND re-organise my pantry, fridge and kitchen table tops the way I like it) *Big Grins 

Anyway, back to Salmon Chazuke, the reason of this post. I think a few of you are interested in the recipe and maybe, I should compile some recipes. (or Vic can do it) This recipe is entirely from my own imagination. So you can take the risk and give it a go. My version is very easy I think. I was happy to see everyone (The husband, parents and Janice) slurping up their dinner tonight, perhaps they were being polite and encouraging but yah, I enjoyed it thoroughly and I have been cooking this since Brisbane time, and this has always been our comfort food. Here goes:

Ingredients:

• Fresh Salmon Fillet with or without skin (Belly) - Cut into large chunky strips, each enough for one person (as shown in pic)
• Japanese Rice
• Japanese green tea leaves (Sencha or Gyokuro)
• Japanese Rice Seasoning (Can get from supermarkets or Daiso. Get those with seaweed and/or plum)
• Toasted Sesame Seeds or Janice calls them Elmo seeds. I am sure you see the connection here (You can buy them straight or buy raw ones and toast a big batch in the oven or toaster oven and keep them in air tight jars)
• Wasabi

Method:

1. Wash and pat dry the salmon Chunks and marinate them with few pinches of salt (I use organic sea salt/himalayan salt nowadays.) Cover and refridgerate for about 15-20 mins
2. Cook the Japanese Rice as normal (No special method here)
3. Heat up pan with just a teeny weeny bit of oil (I use grapeseed oil) 
4. Once hot, gently put in the salmon chunks Pan fry them till half-3/4 cooked (turn the fillet once you see the sides getting cooked.You will still see the middle section of the salmon fillet still slightly raw) The salmon taste juicier and nicer this way. Once Salmon is fully cooked, it tends to get fishy and dry in my opinion. So buy fresh salmon to be safe, and eat them slightly rare. *unless you have to have cooked Salmon or you're pregnant. For Janice I cooked hers fully too, not overcooked. Salmon should be able to flake and detach pretty easily. 
5. Meanwhile, make your tea in a tea pot. You can use the instructions of whatever tea you have. I used rough a heapful tea leaves and about a cup of water per pax. Entirely agaration. Let it steep for about 10 mins. Do not use boiling water if you are using Japanese green tea leaves. I don't use a strainer either and let some tea leaves out when I pour them. I like the tea leaves and they are nice to be eaten ;)
6. Scoop rice into bowl, place a chunk of salmon over the rice, sprinkle over with rice seasoning and sesame seeds, add a dollop of wasabi (optional) and pour the green tea over them 

I served with cold organic silken tofu sprinkled with sesame seeds, seaweed, a couple drops of sesame oil and light sauce

For vege, I had a baby spinach, musculin mix leaves salad with grape tomatoes and purple onions drizzled with *home made dressing - forgot to take a picture of that

*I cut a couple slices of fresh lemon, added some toaster oven toasted olive oil garlic slices into an old glass jar. Poured extra virgin oil over them and cover and let it infuse for about an hour. Poured in a spoon full of balsamic vinegar, give it a good shake before drizzling over the salad.

Bon Apetit! 

Ok, I hope I haven't been too detailed here. But trust me, its a really quick recipe. I should learn to take some pictures in the process to save my words a little.  For the records, just in case I get dementia in future :)

The thorn

I was prompted to go for the healing service yesterday evening. I haven't gone for it in a while and the husband was surprised and supportive at the same time, asked why the sudden decision. I wasn't sure, just felt to go and I went. I have been on radiation for the past 4 days and for the past 2 weeks, I have been coughing at night quite a fair bit. It's always this "cackling" noise when I take a deep breath and I have the urge to cough things out, phlegm or whatever that is causing those noises that makes me feel that I am drowning. So as I went for the healing service, I envisioned this super healing power of God, that perhaps God will heal me there and then and I might cough this humongous black rock out and voila, tumor gone. This was driven by the sheer frustration by that "thing" that has temporally been residing in my lung, it's not supposed to be there.
Interestingly I stepped into healing service to hear this message based on 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 preached by Pastor Stanley. 3 times Paul pleaded with the Lord, for the thorn to be removed from him, and the word given to Him is that the Grace of God is more than sufficient for him. Often I've focused on verse 8 about God's grace, but last evening I shared Paul's agony of the thorn, and I believe I have pleaded to God more than 3 times for Him to take it away. Paul of all people would have faith to believe, THE faith to trust in God's miraculous power. Surely God, isn't that enough? However the focus was not upon how easily God could have substituted pain, but how He transforms.
Therefore I am once again resolving my heart the 3 pointers through Paul's experience:

1. Let the thorn drive me to prayer
(I was reminded today that it's not just prayer of human words, but to learn to pray in the Spirit. After all, the spirit knows better, and the ultimate purpose of prayer is not answered prayer but sanctification to Christ likeness)

2. Let the thorn drive me to His grace
Over and over again, I have been reminded of the Father's heart. I think I am getting it a bit more each day. Slowly but surely

3. Let the thorn drive me to praise and not disillusionment
It's easy to feel bitter, and sometimes I do feel that I am loitering in the desert. Daily thanksgiving is not always natural and is often a repeated decision making. But thoughts are so powerful, and that decision to turn away from negativity means sowing into the pleasures of the Holy Spirit instead of putting out the Spirit of God like extinguishing a fire. That split second of obedience like that mentioned in Philippians 4:8 brings praise. There is power in praise.

Thank you holy spirit for moving me to the healing service and the teaching of "life in the spirit" at Church today. You are good, and my soul knows very well.