About the Dad ...

One of the highlights working for Focus on the Family was to witness very touching moments. We had a Date with Dad over the weekend and it was so heart warming to see fathers and daughters catching up, tearing over conversations, writing letters to affirm each other and ending with a pledge from the father to the daughter before presenting the daughter with the “Worth the Wait” ring. I believe it was a very defining moment. Fathers are often not fantastic with words while on the other hand, daugthers will like to hold the perception that their fathers do not understand them.

I guess I come from a point of view of someone who stands between the X and Y generation. I see many old ways that need to be changed for the better yet still living in the nagging norms of a slightly more traditional upbringing. I grew up with the understanding that dads provide the bread. There is no need to really spend time with the wife or kids. Home on the other hand is for the moms to run. I knew my dad as a responsible man, and have vague memories of a couple of occasions of his soft hands of affirmation. It was sometime of recent that I began to understand the impact of my lack of father daughter relationship and some negative consequences from that. By the way, I do not hold any grudges against my dad, but one thing I recognised is that the daughters yearning heart for the dad’s approval is real even till this day. I am learning to translate my own experience to hopefully parent my daugther (and hopefully children to come) better, whilst reallly seeking God for His infinite wisdom. To qualify, I do not think that I grew up under “bad” parenting, and there are so much wisdom I could get from the way my parents brought me up, and that deserves other entries on.

I am super blessed to have a husband who believes and is willing to sow into the daughter’s life. In the times I struggle to release him to the marketplace(or rather his place of work) and make his mark (while yearning for him to spend more time to see the actual growth of our little one) he assures me that he chose his path today because he wanted to be part of the everyday life of the family. I bear the genes of a sinful carnal man, and I struggle every now and then when my mom would nag at me for us (the husband and I) to find better paying jobs etc. and often I found it hard not to entertain the enticing thought of being part of the bigger rat race of striving for MORE. To date, I am still in the process of being moulded by God, to stand secure at His call and provision. And to shout out that I will not be in lack, not physically, not in wisdom (especially in parenting), not emotionally (He can fill me with joy and great satisfaction in life)

Since love is also in the air today, being Valentine’s Day, I ought to do something that I seldom do. To affirm my dear husband as a father and a lover. I think I have wasted countless golden opportunities to critisize instead of affirm. The kitchen not cleaned, clothes not washed, what? You forgot to wash the vegetables before you cooked for janice?? Etc etc. On many occasions, it may have seemed that I still trust my earthly dad more than my very own husband’s judgment calls, I know I have come a long way to learn to acknowledge and trust the man of my household.

Someone told me, that its hard to be fathers of this generation. They have so many different hats to wear and honestly multi-tasking is not their flair. But I salute to you my dear husband, for the times you've sacrificed yourself for us. For how you hung on and lead me in the way that you think God is calling us to. To affirm me when I am lost and confused. For waking up for the little one. For being very generous with your hugs to her (and me). For bring us out (individually) on dates. For teaching me to see beyond material things. For never insisting which should be a “mothers’ role” and not the dad’s role, besides breast feeding, you attempt everything. For the many things you think you have done a lousy job, but I would like to tell you that you’ve got yourself in the right foot, so hang in there. I can’t wait for you to bring the little princess out for a real real date, but meanwhile, you’re doing great. And watching (hearing) you guys depart on your bicycle for a ride warms me up and never fail to make me smile.

Happy Valentines’ Day my dear.

p.s. Janice, I hope you'll read this when you grow up and that you'll always know of your father's love, both your earthly and spiritual dads.