Marriage thoughts 1.1

Got a mail from a friend sharing us with this link. Very timely and appropriate.

One of the toughest thing being parents is to keep the marriage, fresh, passionate, and purposeful. I saw how some some families could put their entire energy to revolve life around children, But I also believe that the greatest gift any parent could give to their children is their love for one another. But any couples would agree with me that as much as it require great efforts to make marriage thrive, it takes doubly hard work when kids come along. In the past, if the schedule ever gets to choking for us to handle, we can always just take a day off from work and spend some time with each other, sleep in, breakfast by the beach, dip our feet in the cool waters and catch a late show. Spend the day just talking and catching up. Most times, taking a breather together helps put things back i place. These days, I take an organised "off day" very seriously, careful planning, but at the same time taking things with a pinch of salt, because unplanned things can always happen. Take last week for example, Janice fell sick on 1st Sept, a day I planned to spend some unhurried time with both the husband and daughter. Instead, we spent half a day in the clinic, and the other half a day, fighting a war. Oh and the last time we took a Fri Night/Saturday morning off, to sleep in and sneak off like dating couples for a breakfast whilst Janice spends the night with my mom, only to receive a dozen calls saying she's got fever. So nowadays, either one of us will be sick, just taking turns and to what extent.

Rough patches are inevitable to keep us sharpening each other, and each day, we strive better to be for each other. All in all, marriage (and parenting) teaches us to be less of ourselves and more for others on a daily basis. How we relate and love each other on a day to day basis becomes so important! Walk the talk daily, and I mean literally talk. Communicate, share and be truthful about our feelings. I hope I can give an 18 pointers one day, but my 3 pointers for my personal reminders are:

1. Do not assume the motivation of the husband's based on the outward action/speech - Give benefit of the doubt first
2. Always Respect
3. Learn to forgive and be generous to love

Grace’s 18 Lessons

1. Make time with Jesus your first priority, husband second priority.
2. Be intimate often.
3. Be willing to have hard and honest conversations, and pray for Jesus to make them fruitful.
4. Pray for wisdom often.
5. The enemy is always ready to divide you during trials. Don’t let him; cling to Jesus and each other.
6. Forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive …
7. Don’t enable his sin, but pray for wisdom in timing and words, and be respectful when addressing it.
8. Be a woman of inner and outer beauty.
9. Make your home a place of retreat and rest.
10. Study your husband, appreciate, value and respect him, especially when you don’t “feel” like it.
11. HAVE FUN.
12. Pray against lies. Memorize the truth of scripture.
13. Spend regular, meaningful time together. Invest in the relationship.
14. Don’t let bitterness set in if you are hurt or frustrated; dig up the root and pray it through.
15. Be an attentive and available listener.
16. Be teachable and willing to submit.
17. Set your heart and body toward your husband and don’t let either wander.
18. Repent often and allow trustworthy people to speak into your lives.

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Pastor Mark’s 18 lessons after the jump:

Pastor Mark’s 18 Lessons

Spiritual

1. Stay in church community and under godly authority.
2. Stay in your Bible and always have at least a few good Christian books you are reading.
3. Be the spiritual leader by praying with your family, modeling followership of Jesus, repenting of sin, teaching your family, etc.
4. Serve your family and serve others as a family.

Family

5. Pick a good potential mom and grandma for a wife.
6. If she respects you, the kids will too. If she does not, your family will be a grief to you.
7. Work with her to make the home, holidays, vacations, and other times filled with fun, laughter, and memories.
8. Just get through the rough seasons (sickness, demanding newborns, tough work seasons, extended family troubles, e.g.) by God’s grace.

Financial

9. Find an honest way to make enough money to give to God, be generous with others, and take care of your family.
10. Spend some money to make her life easier (dependable car, babysitting help, decent home, e.g.)

Practical

11. Try to make her laugh a lot and touch her heart and soul before you touch her body.
12. She’s not a guy, does not want to be treated like a guy, spoken to like a guy, or do what guys do.
13. She will sanctify you. It’s not her fault that your sin is obvious in relationship with her as she’s not changing you, but rather exposing you.
14. Syncing schedules is key: meet every week to organize your life together and plan out your life as one so you don’t live parallel lives.
15. Date night is important so make it happen, ideally every week.
16. Her needs change, especially when she becomes a mother, so look for new ways to humbly serve her.
17. Encouragement is to a wife as water is to a plant.
18. Every year gets better by the grace of God. Keep pressing forward together using the gospel to repent, forgive, and become more like Jesus.

Source: http://blog.marshillchurch.org/2010/08/15/18-lessons-from-18-years-of-marriage/