What Motherhood does to you

We were at a marriage workshop last night and the speaker highlighted that breast-feeding causes the nursing mothers to be flooded with oxytocin. You know that kind of feeling that nothing matters in the world except the bond between the baby and the mother. Through the course of nursing Janice in the earlier months, I had too many cases of mastitis and the sleep depravity then, I couldn't remember much of those moments. But what motherhood does to mothers is that you just don't remember the pain. Pains of labour, pains in breast feeding, sleep depravity .... few years down the track, you look at the photos, you look into her eyes, and those pinchable cheeks, those "bring it on again" feeling actually comes back.

You at the photos, I think, man ... what have I done to deserve this???

Oh, but I do want to take back the sleep depravity part. That one, I still pray and wish that I could skip that phase. God, please make babies sleep like babies should be.

On the point Obedience

There are many items on our list that we are deliberating with God. We know that moving back to Singapore was only the start of many things to come. Kel and I are made very differently. He will be the one to suggest a move, a change, something new, something to explore. I will be the "what about this, what about that? Have we considered this etc" With my minute vision and brain space, I take a while to comprehend what God can do or is doing. I often see from my perspective, weigh the opportunity cost, I do mental calculations, I relent and classified some decisions under the "tough choices" category.

Today God spoke to me through this passage of 1 Sam 15:22

"Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as obeying the voice of the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams" 1 Sam 15:22

So a note to self: It is not about how much I can give or let go. It is about the careful listening of His voice and obey with my entire being.
This makes perfect sense to me and I look forward to see how HIS plans intertwines in a perfect way. I don't have to get the picture all the time.

God of this City - Chris Tomlin

The Man of our lives

This year's Fathers' Day happens to coincide with the husband's Big 3-0 birthday too. So my dearest husband, this post is especially for you.

So, you're officially a year older than me :) but I thank God, many a times you're wiser, more stable and great leader to me (although there are many instances that I deny that heh!)

Once upon a time, while I was dreaming of my perfect prince charming, I had in mind a man who will love God, love me and my family. A man whom I'd desire having kids with because I know he will love and sacrifice for the family. It was a dream, and I will not break the bubble here, because the dream is a reality!

Darling, you may be "weak" in many ways. You may not have the patience you (or I) desire to have daily. You may not have the skills all the time to love and to discipline. You may not be armed with a 100% aware system that captures every pee and poo, every cry and expectations from your women. But I love you for who you are, because you've chosen God, and chosen us every single time. No matter how tired, disappointed or how badly you wanted to be at the soccer field.

Thank you for listening to us and to our cries (literally, especially Janice's in the middle of the night. Actually mine often happens late in the night to!). Thank you for your wholehearted commitment to us. Thank you for always agreeing when people say you're blessed with 2 women in your life, in actual fact, we're more than blessed. Thank you for cuddling us tight no matter how many times we've pushed you away. Thank you for being the man of our lives, now and forever.

Happy Birthday and Happy Fathers' Day. We love you too .....

P.s. We're committed to bless you with our company in every world cup season, okay la... more than that .... :)

19 months

Hey Baby,

You've turned 19 months more than a week ago. You've got to slow down because I am barely catching up!

I was back late last night and you waited for. As I was putting you to bed, you wanted to be cradled like a baby, just the way I used to cradle you when you were a little baby, only with your legs dangling out, and you weigh a tonne more! As I as cradling you, you were so happy that you kept giggling infectiously. I couldn't help it but to join in (though I was trying to keep a straight face so that you'd go to bed), and both of us giggled to our hearts' content, till you slowly drifted off to dreamland - almost, till you shuffled yourself back to your own bed and dozed off. It was such a priceless moment, to cradle you ... I remembered those experienced mummie telling me when you were young and I was only a "novice", to cherish your baby moments. In my sleep depravity, tired arms, unfinished housework, I could only manage a slight smile thinking they must have forgotten how it felt like to be caring for a young baby. But they are right, i needed to cherish more because you're growing up way too quickly now (such a cliche, I know) but I was right too, they have forgotten how hard, because I can't quite remember it now too.

I ought to cherish now, that you still enjoy me smothering over you, cradling you. Now you still look to me like I am a perfect angel (right, except the times when I was disciplining you). I Pray that I will not miss this window, to build this bond with you, that years down the road even when you're married with kids, you can still come back to my embrace where we can still giggle to our hearts' content.

Love,

Mummy

My hopes for You.

To all who comes to this space, here are my hopes for you and your family ...

• I pray that your intimacy with God will be even closer and that your motivation for doing what you do will be influenced by your conversation with Him rather than the latest fads and programs.
• You would find a really close friend - someone you can trust to hold you accountable and one who allows you the privilege of genuine honesty.
• I ask God to remove those roadblocks in your ministry that would prohibit you from finding the fulfillment you desire, and to bring about healing in any relationships around you that cause you to be anxious and fearful.
• I challenge you to "speak your word with boldness," and I long for you to experience within your labors"miraculous signs and wonders through the name of your holy servant, Jesus" (Acts 4:29,30)
• I envision you falling in love with your call all over again, and find great satisfaction in a servant/shepherd relationship with the people you minister to. Love them!
• I beg you to let your own family know how valued they are by you ... and, from time to time, to ask them how they are doing.

"not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant - not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life." 2 Corinthians 3:5-6

In Jesus name, Amen
Adapted from H.B. London

A season completed and many more new ones to come

I was reminded of the song that was played as I walked down the aisle, many months back. It was a worship song that has spoken so much to me in the months leading up to the wedding. I remembered the time when I was hit with so much uncertainties that really paralysed me. I wasn't confident to be a wife, I wasn't confident of the decision to get married, I felt like a child, faced with a life stage that seemed way to big for me to handle. God reminded me that the marriage covenant is next in after the covenant I have with Jesus Christ. I felt excited but overwhelmed. Could I trust the then husband to be? Could I trust myself in this commitment? Could I allow him to take the lead and support and submit like a Proverbs 31 wife?

It was a season where God really worked a very critical area in my relationship with Him ~ Trust. To trust Him in every season, every step. That I can trust to keep the marriage vows, and trust in the man of my life, because of Him. It was such a breakthrough and the strength I received from His word is still empowering me daily to this date, in good and trying days alike.

Here I am oh God, I bring this sacrifice - My Open Heart

I Offer up my life, I look to you Lord, Your Love that never ends, Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you Lord, In your strength will I breakthrough Lord

Touch me now, let your Love fall down on me,

And I will be Complete in You.

Here I am oh God, I bring this sacrifice - My Open Heart

I Offer up my life, I look to you Lord, Your Love that never ends, Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you Lord, And by faith I will walk on Lord

Then I'll see, beyond my calvary one day,

And I will be be Complete in ...

So I lift my eyes to you Lord, In your strength will I breakthrough Lord,

Touch me now, let your Love fall down on me,

I know your Love dispels all my fears

Through the storm I will hold on Lord,

And I pray, I will hold on Lord.

Then I'll see, beyond my calvary one day

And I will be Complete in You.

"Complete" - Parachute Band

As I reflect upon the lyrics, I was reminded of my position and who I am in Christ. I am terribly thankful for the seasons He has brought me through since then. To be thankful and confident of where I am this moment, to know that I am where I am meant to be and to have married the man He has for me. Thank you, Jesus.

In this quiet space

This space has been very quiet lately (we're still alive!) for a couple of reasons:

• I am quite a boring person and I have nothing much to write about
• I am too lazy plus I have not much inspiration to write
• I haven't had much time to think
• last month has been quite a crazy, eventful month: HK trip, a work conference in KL and a family retreat at Bintan, Janice started childcare

BUT I still must say, GOD'S been very good. We're all well, and I hope to get inspired by the Holy spirit more through the daily nits and grits. AND Janice is a super cutie pie and she's turned 19months.