Janice is 15 months

here's a picture of you posing to take a photo with Elmo. You actually posed when we asked you to take a picture ith your current best friend. You were soo happy and too cute to resist. Ok I am be biased here, but which mom doesnt think that their daughter's the cutest right?

My dear girl,

You’ve turned 15 months 3 days ago and it has just been at the back of my mind to blog about it. So here I am!

You’re walking! Over the past few weeks, you’ve finally calculated and figured that the risk of falling over is now low. You see, you’ve been taking about 5-10 steps for a long time and have been wanting us to hold your hands to walk. I’m so proud of you that you’ve finally taken you little steps further but let me continue to enjoy this moment of you still wanting to be held on and protected. I know very soon, you’d want to be on your own, knowing this feisty independent personality you have.

You’ve been a lot happier this month. Maybe it’s because you’re finally walking and this mobility has given you new found freedom when we’re out and about. There have also been more routines in place for you and you’re one who really thrives on that. Above all, your communication skills have also taken a notch higher with some words repetitions and your famous pointing cum nodding skills.

Many people have been calling you a “little adult”. Because, despite not being able to speak (like an adult), you sometimes communicate like one. We have also been amazed at how you have been piecing things together and even learnt how to place jig saws in the right positions. Like the other day, we were spending some time in a friend’s office and you took a set of keys from her cupboard and walked to the door and tried to open it, though of course you didn’t succeed with cupboard keys. You did that again at home by taking drawer keys all the way to the main door. In your little mind you’ve probably figured out a lot of things and now, the ability to walk about has given you the freedom to explore.

I have recently gone back to work and for the time being you’ll be left in the care of Popo (my mom). I was initially very worried at how you’d take it. I was about to let anxiety take over before I started writing like a little manual that consist of your schedules and suggested activities. But you’ve been such a good girl! Every day I could see how you beamed at the mention of Popo’s house and I am so so glad to see you happy and all well at the end of the day. So far, we’ve been adjusting well, and this new change has really taught Daddy and I the value of spending time together with you and being able to give you our all when we do spend that time with you.

You've got a real feisty personality. When you've tantrumish, it's really quite "hard-core" (haha pardon the singlish expression). I still sometimes sound like a fool trying out techniques I've learnt from the bo0k "The happiest toddler on the block". But thank God that I've stumbled upon that book because some of the tips are really practical and has helped us a lot. We pray however that we will be able to harnass you strong personality well and you may be able to use it as a strength in your days ahead, especially in walking with God and serving Him.

There’ll be times where I am learning not to take guilt trips of not being able to give you the best. Am I teaching you right, am I being a good mother, what's crucial and what's important? But to be able to be by your side, loving you, teaching you and understanding you are what I am learning to do, to my best ability and relying on His grace. We’ll take it each step at a time with the help and strength of God.

I miss you, baby. You’ve bless me everyday with your sweetie smiles, cheeky demeanor and your funny sense of humor. I love you.

Love, Mummy.

Joy

A couple of months back, 3 prophets prayed and prophesied over us during a presbytery. One of the words spoken of us was the element of joy. That we will be ones who will bring joy and claim upon the joy of the Lord as our strength. These words etched deep but boy, it was such an ache upon my heart, because I knew that was exactly what I needed in life, joy.

I've struggled with purpose, strived to find joy, meaning and answers to my life. I knew I was discontented, unsatisfied. It's like trying to find a connection between my external and my internal. I cannot describe what was going on, except for frustration.

Last night, I laid on bed and found myself praying to surrender jealousy and lust over the things of the world. I've spent many points of my life wishing I had what others had, wishing I could be more like someone else. I fell into the world of expectations upon myself, and my perceived mind of what others expect of me, especially my love ones. Worse of all, I found myself expecting more and more from my husband. As I was doing so, Kel popped a question, asking if I was dissatisfied and discontented. It was a such a divine question, there I was praying to overcome the exact same issues.

I realised why I ached at the word, joy. I knew the stealers of joy and what has been replaced were worldly discontentment and disappointments.

After all these years, today I stepped into a new beginning, a place where I knew I have experienced abundance before. I place which will take my hopes to new flights. I want to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. (2 Cor 10:5)

You know, it's such a release.

The 14 months old baby

Yes darling, you've turned 14 months today. I haven't blogged about anything since we came back to Singapore and frankly I was getting a little lazy but I figured that I don't want to break this monthly update about you, lest I forget.

We've been back in Singapore for exactly a month now. It felt longer than that and you've shown us your adaptability and demonstrated your joy to be embraced in the midst of loving grandparents and cousins. You trot (crawl or make us hold your hands as you walk) around your cousins all the time, you just love to be in their company, and both Grace and Mark love you to bits too.

Your comprehension towards conversations and things around you amazes me. You respond to most things I say without hand gestures nowadays. But that made you really strong willed, ordering us around, choosing the exact things you want to eat/play/hold. Initially, it was hard for us and we (daddy and I) seem to be always on "logger heads" with you. We've since then exerted more discipline and boundaries and that has helped tremendously.

Your favorite activities revolve around shoes, trying them on, taking them out, trying to walk around in them. Since you can't walk independently yet you made everyone around you walk around with you. You also love animals.

Thank you my little one for filling my life with your funny things. Here's a pic of you trying to imitate and clean your ears with a cotton bud. I am currently split between you and daddy at night. I have been sleeping with you on the 2nd part of the night if you were to wake up. I am secretly enjoying those moments where all you wanted of me was to lie next to you and you will periodically wake up and crawl to me for kiss before falling asleep again. So cute la.

It's going to be New Year's eve tomorrow and we'll be into 2010 in no time. I wonder what God has installed for us? But one thing we know of is that Daddy and I will continue to seek for His wisdom to bring you up the way we should in His eyes and that we can be an example for you. Know that we will fail every now and then, but know too that His grace will be for us and we will walk relying on that very grace.

Love you lots baby, you're growing up real fast.

Love Mummy

Janice is 13 months

My little baby, you've just turned 13 months and we're going to spend this day leaving on a jet plane to Singapore. You're going home, where the rest of the family will be. We pray we will continue to really pursue God's business even more and that you will play a big part in it. One thing we'd like you to know this day is that there has been a big bunch of people here in Brisbane who have poured a lot into our lives. They loved us, you especially so never forget that. As you continue to grow up, we'll definitely walk you through photos and people whom you have been asked to call Uncles, aunties and also many che ches who have been your play mates.

We love you very much dearie, you've been one of the greatest treasure God has unfolded in our lives.

Love Mummy and Daddy

Baby you're 1.

My little darling,

One year ago, I remembered carrying you, feeding you and kissing you for the first time. I couldn't believe I became a mom. I was apprehensive that I could never live up to the name of a mom and I can't believe now that it's been a year, we've actually walked through a year together, as a family! We're still here, alive and kicking.

You're a strong little character and recently we've seen you really demonstrating your own personality. You're fiercely independent, no one can help you when you're determined to do what you want to do. You want to feed yourself and do things your own way. You nod your head when you agree with you or when we understood what you wanted and shake your head vigorously when we're trying to counter what you want to do. Therefore meal times have been pretty challenging. Though I must say you're getting pretty good feeding yourself and you can pretty much get most food into your mouth using a spoon or a fork, but just the way you crank up when we're trying to help you with something sometimes send spoons, plates, bowls and of course food flying across room is pretty trying. Especially when you throw tantrum and end up screaming too.

You're a joy to play with. You're generous with your kisses and cuddles and understands our instructions. You pick the right books when asked and points enthusiastically when we ask about things you understand. You're really into imitating us and is quite observant too. You love little children too, watching and playing with children older than you keeps you occupied.

I don't think you're one who's afraid of new things because new rides, new items and even some new environments intrigues you. Something we really thank God for because one thing we've asked God for was that you'd be one who's adaptable.

We'll be moving back to Singapore as a family end of this month and daddy and I are really excited to see what God has in store for us. We're also very excited to see how we can serve Him more as a family and as you grow up, we pray that your open heart and genuine smiles will minister to many, including little kids too. You'll also be closer to your extended family and we're sure you're going to enjoy the closeness you can have with your grandparents and cousins too.

I can end up with many pages just writing about you, because you surprise us everyday. But I'll try to keep some to be used as stories to tell you as you grow up. This year as been an adventure for all of us, well done little girl, you've adapted to the world well, shining with your unique personality. May you continue to be in the world but not of the world and shine your light as a strong individual that can bless the people around you. God's made you that way. You've been a great gift from God and God has blessed us tremendously in every way. Just want to let you know that.

I love you, and I am looking forward to the many years ahead.

Love Mummy

p.s. Thank you Popo and all the uncles, aunties, che ches and gor gors who came to celebrate Janice's birthday. She's extremely blessed.

Janice turns 1 - Happy Birthday darling!

My little birthday card to you (Janice Mok Yu En)

I love you Janice, I still remember the day that I held you in my hands at 920am on the 30th of Oct 2008. Mummy might have won by staying closest to you since you were conceived, but I won by being the first to hold on to you! :)

But still all thanks to mummy and her endurance as it was really tough trying to get you to come into this world. Daddy was told that time would past faster if he records the intervals between mummy's each contractions, but after awhile, daddy's little note book was full! Mummy was going through such consistent contractions and for such a long time. Mummy went through so much for you. All daddy could do was say Oh...Ouch each time mummy squeezes daddy's hand.

All was great on that Thursday morning when we finally got to see you, and I believe I speak for mummy as well, it was all worth it, YOU are all worth it!

I can't finish saying how much you mean to me and that you have really brought so much joy and meaning to my life. I would be going to sleep every night knowing that the next day would be filled with so much joy and laughter and also the energy required to play and entertain you. :)

It has been a great year trying to know you more. Communication at the point in time still seems a little unclear and based upon a lot of assumptions. But the times when you say 'Daddy' 'Daddy' is all the communication I need to wake me up every morning to cuddle you.

I hope you have enjoyed your 1st year as much as I did, well if you didn't you most probably won't remember it anyway :)

I love you darling!!! HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY!!!

Not Alone

I felt really odd driving out to meet a bunch of girlfriends for dinner to celebrate Lil's birthday. I felt even more odd as I got back into the car to drive home. It's been a year (or more?) since I drove out myself at night, without Janice, without Kelvin. I read a lot lately about "me" time and since Janice was born, it's practically non-existent. Tonight was one rare night. Though I felt the sudden "liberty" to be out, meeting up with people, no agenda. Bed-time, meal, etc all taken care of by the loving daddy, yet the weird feeling of wanting to be home at the same time, missing the baby smell on her head.

On the eve of Janice's first, I had the time and space to think and reflect. Just a short 20 mins, but the amount of space was amazing. I wondered about my identity and how the role of motherhood has taken over my life, like some massive invasion. Physically, I am never alone, because Janice is with me, almost 24/7. I felt strangely lost without her presence but at that point I was just anchored by simply the presence of God that is with me, reminding me of my true identity.

Lots of other thoughts came in, that reminded me how grounded I am with Jesus in me and a husband who loves me. And of course this little girl who cracks me up (both in tears and laughters) all the time. I am starting to understand a wee bit of what it is to learn to live in the present. I am glad, I am not alone.

Happy Birthday you chimmy chummy baby, I love you to bits (1st year entry for you will come soon). And to the best hubby, you've made a great mark as a daddy. And I am just so glad she's calling out for you all the time, her "daddddeeeee" melts my heart too.

Jotting them down before I forget

I thought I better jot these down before I forget and will be hoping for some peace when Janice's blabbering too much?

Speech Vocabulary

Daddy (daddy's very happy), Mama, more (as in more food) , Ta (aussie way of saying thank you), Tharnk Yu, duck

Act upon instructions

Head, toes, Flying kiss, kiss, cuddle, Stomp your feet, clap, wash your hands, open the window (of the little playhouse), Hi, bye (waving of hands), yes (by nodding your head and flapping the arms at the same time), no (shaking the head) uh oh/oh no (by covering her mouth) twinkle twinkle, head and shoulders song, eetsy bitsy spider....

Can also nod her head when simple questions are asked (mostly pertaining food) and ignore when it's a "no" or "not very interested". Understands what most common objects like ball, milk, duck, cups ...

I think that's all I can remember for now, anyone wants to employ her as an interpreter?

On a plain jane day

Most times, the blog is filled with pictures of our little adventures here and there. Here, I reveal the how a plain jane day goes. When I say that it's a plain jane day, it's a plain day, no big hoo ha, no big disasters (yet). In fact, I love such days, no frills, relaxing, fun (yes it is). On such days, my life is filled with pockets of slots. Nap time, play time, meal time. And in between will be slotted with cooking, laundry, cleaning up, shower, and on a good day, email, surfing the net and blog stalking. Every pocket of time needs to be very intentional, like once she's down for a nap, I zoom in and out of the bathroom, get some laundry/cooking done etc. Very boring cycle but when it's boring means it's routined and we both thrive on that.

So here's a little snippet, of a good day where I can still put in an entry, and with her smiling at the background taking her afternoon tea.

She's really into nodding her head and communicating with us now. Nodding when we ask her questions, pointing to what she wants. She's also grown overnight. She has been spatting out her mushy food and it's been so trying to feed her properly without having food everywhere but her mouth. Then all of the sudden bingo, she wanted normal textured food, like rice with soup and bits of food that she can feed herself with.

To break some myth here, SAHM is not boring, though there are heaps of time when the desperate need for some "me" time overtakes and you feel like walking out.

Janice @ 11months

My little girl,

You'll be turning 1 in 28 days time. I don't think you know that! but mommy and daddy are so excited about it, this 1 year of parenting has taught us so much, nothing within the boundaries of classrooms could ever have done. Thank you for this journey.

You've kept mummy really busy this month. I've resigned so that I could look after you more and I haven't regretted my decision. You've grown so much and I am just so glad I could be doing it with you. Your funny antics like choosing your biscuits, pointing to random things and replying me random stuffs throughout the day crack me up all the time.

You're also a very independent player and could be engaged by some of your stacking toys long periods of time. You've also amazed daddy and I by how much you understand some of our instructions. Just the other day, I told you to pack your toys back into the toy box and you actually did it. So I suspect you understand more than what I know you do, just that you have selective response sometimes, well we all do, you know, selective hearing? Make sure that we all learn not to be selective when we respond to God's word.

One thing too, not that it's something new to me, is that you have a really strong character. Thus on some days, I am totally restraining myself from shouting at you. Sorry that I did sometimes. In those situations, God really reminded me of His grace, at the same time the need to learn to teach and discipline you in gentle ways. We bought the Dr James Dobson DVD on parenting, so pray that God will reallly speak into daddy and my life and teach us ways that we can teach you well. We're really more than amateurs here, so bear with us, for the rest of your life :) We'll get there.

Thank you for being a little affectionate kid. You've showered me with more cuddles and kisses everyday than I deserve, your unconditional desire to have me by your side reminds me to be the same towards our heavenly father. Nothing could distract you from knowing my presence and desiring me to pick you up for a cuddle, not even your favorite toys. You could be totally engrossed in your little games with daddy, or your toys, but once I walk past, you've never failed to flash me your smiles and raising up your arms, awaiting a cuddle from me.

I love you to bits, you've brought so much more joy and depths to our lives and to our marriage and to our relationship with God too.

Love,

Mummy.

p.s. I've uploaded photos of Janice into facebook. drop me an email if you're not our FB and would like to be our "friend" :)