We were at our regular leaders training session last night and one activity I had to do was to imagine myself holding my own heart. What do I see? Many would see a wounded heart, with hurts disappointments awaiting for Jesus to heal. I asked the Holy spirit silently to reveal my heart condition and He whispered the word "emptiness". I identified with that straight away. Ever since motherhood became a reality, everything has been revolving around J. Her feeding times, sleeping times, bathing etc. The sudden busyness of ministry, shepherding, meetings were quickly replaced by these. I have allowed insecurity to enter. Doubts of my calling, and inability to impact lives and purpose became real. I feared that I am not out there "fulfiling the great commission". I felt empty not "doing" what I used to "do".

I am amazed though that as the Holy Spirit spoke the issue, He spoke assurance as well. I was reminded to accept my current call of motherhood as disciple making. He spoke that be it making many or one disciple is making disciples. Its not the quantity of disciples that matter. He has called me to this and the acceptance to the call made me filled and no longer empty.

I am going to allow Him to enlarge and toughen my heart this season so that in time to come, I will emerge stronger and taller for His purposes :)