A note worthy post.

My parents have taught me a lot. In fact more than I ever imagined them to have done. It was a typical chinese family, where dad doesn't speak too much but when he does it usually weighs a ton. They were not extreme like a tiger mom, but the no nonsense rule applies. And whatever you've set your foot out to do, you jolly well complete it with your utmost ability.

Ever since I was sick, mom and dad have been hanging around me. The amount of time we've spent under one roof must have been more than we ever did in the past 20 years. They were both committed in their own ways, mom was committed (full on) to feed me the best nutrition ever, and dad, a side that I've not really experienced, was committed to be around. To drive mom around, wherever she needed and to drive us (my daughter inclusive) around, and to just sit around, being there physically. Their presence have been a source of comfort to me, and it seems almost neutral, because for them to be part of my life in such a way brings them some sort of reassurance too.

There's never been qualms of how they are my role models when it comes to many aspects of life. But what I never expected was how today, they have modeled to me the commitment towards God and His ways. It was a big step for them to put their faith in God after all these years, and today I was told, that the idols are removed. Just like that. "There's no half heartedness here, we don't want to be neither here nor there", dad says.

I slept through the whole afternoon when are these were happening, I woke up, half awake to this piece of news.

God deserves all the glory, because of His faithfulness, because He never let go of us, He has allowed all these. I am awed. I am proud of my parents too.

The night lingers...

The chemo drugs made me really dazed out for the entire day. I spent the day coming in and out of deep sleep. I couldn't spend as much time with Janice as I would have wanted to. She went to school in the morning and went off to spend some time with Gugu and the grandparents. She came home and I was at the healing service. Oh I so miss her and couldn't wait to get and give some cuddles. I was worried that she would be clingy and whiney when she sees me after a long day, but I came home to be greeted by this little girl who was grinning from ear to ear, ready to throw her arms round me.

"Mummy, you went to the healing service?"

"Mummy, can I pray for you?"

She went on to narrate details of her evening, telling me where she went, what she ate, what she did.

She wanted to follow us out of her room though it was way past her bedtime. I was more than happy for her to do so.

"Mummy, you can't carry me because you're still sick? Daddy, you're not sick, so you can carry me"

Off she went, piggy backing on daddy, while I followed behind.

Both sets of grandparents were there, Gugu was there, and she was in her own zone. Carrying out her conversations, some random, some incredibly thoughtful.

I allowed the night to linger on though it was way past the bedtime, and I could barely stand without feeling faintish.

There were lots of random requests that followed before the eventual "bedtime".

"I need to comb my hair, muumy. Its messy, I can't sleep if its messy"

" I need 5 songs, alphabets songs, froggy songs, ... "

She prayed again for me, and my cough, insistent I bow my head to the prayer, and repeated the prayer once she heard me cough just a little.

We bid each other goodnight, shouting sweet dreams and I love yous as we exit the room.

It was a nice night that lingered on just a little. It doesn't matter that teachers "complained" (very nicely) that Janice reaches school way too late" (She needs her 12 hr sleep, thus she wakes up at 10 and reaches school at 11, much to the "protest" of the teachers *grin)

When the lights are dimmed and the husband and I snuggled into bed eventually, we were still happily recounting every happy little thing that Janice said, and her funny and cute demeanor.

I sat in the dark, smiling a happy smile, thanking God for this lingering night. I can't believe how blessed I am.

Thoughts on a Sunday Night

My life, or our lives (as a family) took a totally unexpected turn about 1.5 months back. What we thought was a common cough and backache I had for the past couple of months turned out to be a stage 4 lung cancer. The weeks leading up to the diagnosis on the 30th June 2011, was a whirlwind of tests, and scans. It was the scariest time of my life, almost like walking through dark tunnels that brought us deeper and further away.

As the scans and tests began to reveal almost my entire insides, in search for cancer cells, I know that God too was doing a major surgical work in me and many of those who were standing by me, especially my family and some close friends. We really struggled to figure what was going on, I would wake up in the middle of night with pangs of fear that made me feel too sick to move. But somehow, God just never failed to speak and gave us peace that we could not explain. I remembered when the tests were still going on and when we first got the hint from the specialists that it was cancer, we sat at the hospital bench. I closed my eyes and the first thing I remembered asking of God was joy. When that came out, my carnal nature questioned, joy? What was I thinking? But little did I know that that was the very note

that held us together since the journey started.

Fast track 1.5 months later, 1 cycle of chemo into the treatment, with 1 more on the way in less than 24hrs time; there's been so much to thank God for. The list is too long to recount here. To name a few: My parents accepted Christ and has been hungry to learn about Christ since then. I am blessed with tremendous support from family and friends. As I stood in worship this morning, I recounted the series of events, though felt like a deep valley, has only affirmed a truth of God's unconditional love for me. Not just for those around me, but for me. The truth that seemed to have found its place in my mind and my heart. It was clear and doubtless. It kept ringing over and over again in my heart today, you know just like how a toddler first learnt their steps, they would keep trying and walk over and over again as if it was a strange new feeling that they've found their legs.

Besides all these, its amazing to see how Janice has grown over the weeks. I can't believe how much she has grown in the vocabulary in prayers. Tonight before the reading of bedtime stories, she turned to the dad and said, "we must pray for mummy first, ok." Without any prompting she prayed a simple prayer, "Dear Jesus, please heal mummy and protect mummy, in Jesus name, Amen. Now mummy, you can start to read now!" Before I left the room, she wanted to pray for me again.

I had to release some of my thoughts here today, it's been an incredible journey, very scary, I've never felt that uncertain in life, I've never had so much time to read the bible, pray and worship, and experience Him so closely either. I've never had so much support and prayers garnered up for me.

Okay this post ended to be longer than planned. So good night, I should now get some rest for Chemo attack number 2 tomorrow.

Parenting Tools 101

Parenting is fun, very rewarding but also very challenging. One aspect of parenting I think is very important is BOUNDARIES. There is nothing easy about boundaries, how much is too much, too much, too stifling? How to draw effective boundaries but yet giving room for the child to explore, learn and satisfy their bottomless curiosity?

In our world where time is often bounded with agendas and schedules, its difficult. Because for those who has kids would agree with me, that time frames is almost non-existent to a toddler. They can almost never understand the concept of "hurry" because you have a meeting to attend and need to get them out of the house in "x" minutes. Or when they choose to indulge themselves in an activity they enjoy, "enough" doesn't exist in their dictionary. I am sure God feels this way when He tries to make us understand His concept of eternity.

I must also say that ever since I've fallen sick (another entry needed for this), I've got many perspective shifts, of what's important and what's not. My lifestyle now has also come to a halt and has since slowed down. It's nice because I've not needed to rush Janice out of the house in morning because we are all late for work/class etc. And I've not needed to get her into bed earlier because she doesn't need to wake up early like before (though my dad thinks her childcare should now give us 20% discount since she will only reach her class close to noon). Such lifestyle suits a toddler perfect.

Back to boundaries (I digressed): Regardless, boundaries are still required. One tool that has worked really well for us is the use of timer. Now, I've also got a girl who's a stickler at rules and stuffs, so timer works perfect.

We introduce the timer sometime back and has helped us in many occasions: Timer for TV time, X minutes to go before bedtime, I phone/I pad usage, X minutes before a bath/loo is needed, length of time she's going to spend in the bath, paint, play, how long more to go before she keeps her toys. I think the secret for making it work is giving Janice the option of number of minutes, for example, 2 minutes or 5 minutes? etc. She decides and she sets the timer, when it rings, she turns off herself and move on to the next required activity. Because she was the one who decides on the time, she has less issues in following it. There will be times when she negotiates for more, and that's when we will then discuss. Of recent, the timer even works for melt downs. One of those tantrums that used to give us a big headache is when she starts to yell what she doesn't want but have no idea what she wants. She will continue by yelling she wants mummy when I am sitting right before her, and it can sometimes go for quite a long while. We started asking her recently how long she needs to cry and yell for, since we know that such outlets are essential for them to release some steam sometimes. She will usually say something like 1 or 2 minutes, she will funnily then set her own timer and when it rings, she will stop crying. Funny, and very cute.

I guess it also helps that they don't count till big numbers yet, so 10mins is often the max. the timer's been set for.

Try this timer method if you haven't, it's surprisingly effective!