Out of Order

Me. I think I am really out of order, meaning lacking some real order in my life. I have been feeling tired and rather ineffective lately. Janice's sleep has been a little all over and she has been sticky and whiny. It's not really anything new, there has been good and not so good days throughout the past 9 months. I think the problem lies with me. When she wakes up in the early morning, I feed her and make her try to sleep in more with me. Most days, it's been really hard trying to get her back to sleep resulting in us both feeling grouchy. I will reluctantly drag myself and her out of bed and start changing her and I pop into the shower while she sits in the bumbo seat in the bathroom, playing and waiting for me to done. I think she has also reached the stage of separation anxiety, so I cannot be out of her sight. So after the shower, I'll have to put her in her play area while I get our breakfasts, lunches and the stuffs for the day ready; in the meantime she will be really upset that I am not with her and starts to fuss. There's a routine and not really a routine set if you know what I mean. Mon, Wed and Fri, she'll be going childcare while I head off for work. Tues' our day together, Thurs I bring her into office with me for half a day; Sat's our family day and Sun is full day of Church almost. Every other day is different, so I play by ear, knowing she will show me signs of tiredness and nap every 4 hourly thereabouts. I gave up tracking her schedules for a while. Everyday, I tried to make her sleep in (in hope that both of us will get more rest) some days it works, some days it doesn't; so there's not really that much set time for her naps. But because Janice can wake up anytime between 5-7am, I have struggling really hard to get some proper routines in place. All in all, I need to set my foot down to set up some regular patterns for Janice and myself. Babies thrive in routines and I think I do too! I just need some discipline, and hopefully, I will be more energized and be able to give her the proper attention she needs especially through this phase where she has become so attached to me.

I also need to be more constructive in the nights. Ministry stuffs often flies over me, I think about my incomplete work I left in the office, I groan over the never ending laundry and the preparation of food; cleaning of house. Household admin also piles up. I slump into bed every night feeling unaccomplished and just hope and pray that I get to sleep through the night. This Fast and Pray week, I hope to really have a breakthrough in my spirit, for God to increase that purpose in His plans. I pray for a clear mind and to grow beyond a mummy fried brain J I am still getting used to having almost all personal space invaded and most times having so room to space out and think. But despite all these, God will grant me the strength and capacity.