Updates: The journey continues

Looks like this leg of the journey is still ongoing. 4 PET scans, 7 Xrays, 6 CT scans, countless blood tests, 6 cycles of Chemo, 6 days of radiation and 3 months of oral drug treatment later, the journey hasn't ended. 8 months ago, I didn't know how long this journey would be and even wondered if that would be the final leg of my journey. 

So at this point, I am still not sure how long it is going to take. Reports from the PET scan and blood test done 2 days ago shows a good and not so good results. The main tumor in the lung (radiated on earlier) has reduced further, and the affected bones and lymph nodes seem to be gone :) The guys who did my PET even thought that these areas were radiated on therefore got better, but we did not. In fact, that was our litmus test to see if the oral drug is actually working and it seems that the drug is working, miraculously. But there're new growths in the same lung and an ovarian cyst which we are still unsure of their "toxicity". Blood test also reflected better readings for one marker and a rise for the other. So after many months, the oncologist continues to conclude me as her most challenging case. I'm still feeling fine physically, so we joked perhaps the problem lies in the machine! Even my dad started to doubt if I was really sick. 

I was a little disappointed though I am still convinced of God's hands upon my life. The God I know who's the almighty and omnipotent God remains true yesterday, today and tomorrow. After some tears last night, I am woke up this morning to be renewed by the promises of God. The 'pause' is not a total halt, I sense a time of preparation, sharpening of vision and building us towards it. 

Psalm 112

 ¹ Praise the LORD.^[b]   Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who finds great delight in his commands. ² His children will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. ³ Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures forever. ⁴ Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man. ⁵ Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely, who conducts his affairs with justice. ⁶ Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever. ⁷ He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. ⁸ His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes. ⁹ He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor, his righteousness endures forever;his horn will be lifted high in honor.

 ¹⁰ The wicked man will see and be vexed, he will gnash his teeth and waste away; The longings of the wicked will come to nothing. 

Pause

Whilst I was doing my devotions this morning, I suddenly had the picture of Janice tapping on the pause button when she was asked to do something in the midst of her watching video clips (she learnt that herself...kids nowadays). But I felt in my heart that God had somehow hit my pause button some 8 months ago.
In the midst of that 'pause' He has allowed me to filter and figure what matters most.
Many things took its 'pause' over the last 8 months. Career was one, I did way less housework, and many daily routines that sort of fell into place to work around the schedules. But in that midst, my worship grew, my devotions grew, my faith grew. My role as a mom, a wife grew (I tried to spend more time being there rather than busying myself round the house all the time). I have a lot more opportunities to spend time with my parents and friends. I am now putting efforts to work on my passions and plant myself to be an effective sister in Christ in the local church. I learnt to rest.
This 'pause' exposed my vulnerability and showed me to rely on MY mighty God everyday.