A couple of months back, 3 prophets prayed and prophesied over us during a presbytery. One of the words spoken of us was the element of joy. That we will be ones who will bring joy and claim upon the joy of the Lord as our strength. These words etched deep but boy, it was such an ache upon my heart, because I knew that was exactly what I needed in life, joy.
I've struggled with purpose, strived to find joy, meaning and answers to my life. I knew I was discontented, unsatisfied. It's like trying to find a connection between my external and my internal. I cannot describe what was going on, except for frustration.
Last night, I laid on bed and found myself praying to surrender jealousy and lust over the things of the world. I've spent many points of my life wishing I had what others had, wishing I could be more like someone else. I fell into the world of expectations upon myself, and my perceived mind of what others expect of me, especially my love ones. Worse of all, I found myself expecting more and more from my husband. As I was doing so, Kel popped a question, asking if I was dissatisfied and discontented. It was a such a divine question, there I was praying to overcome the exact same issues.
I realised why I ached at the word, joy. I knew the stealers of joy and what has been replaced were worldly discontentment and disappointments.
After all these years, today I stepped into a new beginning, a place where I knew I have experienced abundance before. I place which will take my hopes to new flights. I want to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. (2 Cor 10:5)
You know, it's such a release.
