Kel and Yen

Updates: The journey continues

2012-02-10T12:47:00.001+10:00

Looks like this leg of the journey is still ongoing. 4 PET scans, 7 Xrays, 6 CT scans, countless blood tests, 6 cycles of Chemo, 6 days of radiation and 3 months of oral drug treatment later, the journey hasn't ended. 8 months ago, I didn't know how long this journey would be and even wondered if that would be the final leg of my journey.

So at this point, I am still not sure how long it is going to take. Reports from the PET scan and blood test done 2 days ago shows a good and not so good results. The main tumor in the lung (radiated on earlier) has reduced further, and the affected bones and lymph nodes seem to be gone :) The guys who did my PET even thought that these areas were radiated on therefore got better, but we did not. In fact, that was our litmus test to see if the oral drug is actually working and it seems that the drug is working, miraculously. But there're new growths in the same lung and an ovarian cyst which we are still unsure of their "toxicity". Blood test also reflected better readings for one marker and a rise for the other. So after many months, the oncologist continues to conclude me as her most challenging case. I'm still feeling fine physically, so we joked perhaps the problem lies in the machine! Even my dad started to doubt if I was really sick.

I was a little disappointed though I am still convinced of God's hands upon my life. The God I know who's the almighty and omnipotent God remains true yesterday, today and tomorrow. After some tears last night, I am woke up this morning to be renewed by the promises of God. The 'pause' is not a total halt, I sense a time of preparation, sharpening of vision and building us towards it.

Psalm 112

¹ Praise the LORD.^[b] Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who finds great delight in his commands. ² His children will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. ³ Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures forever. ⁴ Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man. ⁵ Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely, who conducts his affairs with justice. ⁶ Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever. ⁷ He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. ⁸ His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes. ⁹ He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor, his righteousness endures forever;his horn will be lifted high in honor.

¹⁰ The wicked man will see and be vexed, he will gnash his teeth and waste away; The longings of the wicked will come to nothing.

Pause

2012-02-09T13:28:00.000+10:00

Whilst I was doing my devotions this morning, I suddenly had the picture of Janice tapping on the pause button when she was asked to do something in the midst of her watching video clips (she learnt that herself...kids nowadays). But I felt in my heart that God had somehow hit my pause button some 8 months ago.
In the midst of that 'pause' He has allowed me to filter and figure what matters most.
Many things took its 'pause' over the last 8 months. Career was one, I did way less housework, and many daily routines that sort of fell into place to work around the schedules. But in that midst, my worship grew, my devotions grew, my faith grew. My role as a mom, a wife grew (I tried to spend more time being there rather than busying myself round the house all the time). I have a lot more opportunities to spend time with my parents and friends. I am now putting efforts to work on my passions and plant myself to be an effective sister in Christ in the local church. I learnt to rest.
This 'pause' exposed my vulnerability and showed me to rely on MY mighty God everyday.

One Pot Goodness: Pumpkin Chicken Rice

2012-01-12T21:20:00.002+10:00

* sorry this pic was very badly taken because the lighting was bad in the kitchen and I was just too lazy

I love these one pot goodness because they are easy to make and very little washing up. Preparation and washing can be done under 30 mins - * I like :) This particular dish has been my comfort food since Brisbane days.

Ingredients:

Rice - (I used 1/2 short grain rice because I like it slightly sticky)

Chicken fillet (Breast or Thigh) - Sliced up into small pieces, marinate with soya sauce, dash of wine, pepper, sesame oil, and corn flour

Dried Shitake Mushrooms - Pre-soaked for 1-2 hrs

Dried Shrimps - A small handful

Garlic - chopped up

Pumpkin - Cubed

Soya Sauce light and dark

Method:

Put rice into rice cooker

While rice is being cooked, I prepared the ingredients

- sliced up chicken

- marinate chicken

- chopped up garlic
- cubed the pumpkin

- used scissors to cut up the dried mushrooms

Cooking portion:
- heat up frying pan with oil (I used grapeseed oil)
- add garlic and let it sizzle (not burnt)
- add dried shrimp
- add in pumpkin (if you prefer, you can pre-steam the pumpkin a little to soften and quicken the process)
- add in chicken
- add a dash of dark soya sauce
Lightly stir fry for a minute or so (Pumpkin should more or less be softened and chicken almost fully cooked)

By then the rice in the rice cooker should be almost done (Water dried up when you open the rice cooker)
Add all the ingredients onto the rice and mix well
Let the rice cooker finish its job

Meanwhile, wash up and by then everything should be done.
Serve and garnish with Fried Shallots and sesame seeds (optional)

Today, I have sharks fin melon soup and purple cabbage salad to go with the rice.

Dips

2012-01-04T19:18:00.002+10:00

Dips are yummy and you need them at any parties. They are so good for nibbling off carrot & celery sticks and water-thin crackers. A few friends have requested for some dips recipes. My take is that as long as there is garlic and lemon juice + herbs, it would taste good. But be sure to brush your teeth after eating, unless your partner doesn't mind your garlic breath. :)

Hommus
Ingredients:

2 cloves garlic
400g Chick peas
Fresh lemon juice
2 tbsp tahini (I blended my own sesame seeds)
Salt and pepper to taste

Blend everything together.

Garlic and Herb Dip

Ingredients:

Small bunch of parsley (Or chives)
1 clove garlic
2 Shallots/spring onions (actually 1 small onion also can)
250g cream cheese
2 tbsp plain yoghurt or milk

Blend everything together.

Blessed New Year! - 2012

2012-01-01T02:29:00.000+10:00

2011 has been an incredible year for us. Over the past 6months, we’ve really tasted and experience the goodness of God and we are trulygrateful for what He has done for us. Though it was a tremendously difficulttime and all still seem surreal to us, we have really been blessed so much:Generosity of friends, who’ve blessed us with friendship and finances, and theunconditional love from our family members. God has really shown us howfaithful He is through so many different events: The salvation of my parents, financial provision, supportive bosses and colleagues, spiritualsupport and love from all around us.

Though it has been a roller coaster ride with my condition fluctuating over the months, we thank God that we could celebratethis festive time and welcome the new year with the post radiation X-ray showing good signs ofrecovery. We are definitely entering the new year, a different person and we've never learnt to trust God this way. We continue to believe God for His healing hands as we learn toembrace the New Year with hopes and greater trust in the Lord’s good plans.

Thank you for journeying with us: For your unceasingprayers, messages, emails, visits, phone calls etc. We pray that you will tooexperience His great love, and His mighty power.

Have a wonderful 2012!

Salmon Chazuke

2011-12-13T01:36:00.000+10:00

Kitchen is probably one of the most important part of the house to me. I like it when I organize it my way. I like it when I can whip up some simple healthy meals to feed the family. I have lots of dreams for my perfect kitchen but this humble one I have, for now is more than good enough :)

My mom has been great over the past months, cooking for us (and slowly infusing her own kitchen items few pieces a time into the kitchen) One of the things I miss over the past few months, is cooking. I don't know if its more the control over the kitchen that I am missing or the actual cooking. (Haha I am that control freak when it comes to the kitchen, its my domain!) Regardless, I am glad that I have been able to be well enough of late to gain back some control (hiak!) and whip up some meals. (AND re-organise my pantry, fridge and kitchen table tops the way I like it) *Big Grins

Anyway, back to Salmon Chazuke, the reason of this post. I think a few of you are interested in the recipe and maybe, I should compile some recipes. (or Vic can do it) This recipe is entirely from my own imagination. So you can take the risk and give it a go. My version is very easy I think. I was happy to see everyone (The husband, parents and Janice) slurping up their dinner tonight, perhaps they were being polite and encouraging but yah, I enjoyed it thoroughly and I have been cooking this since Brisbane time, and this has always been our comfort food. Here goes:

Ingredients:

Fresh Salmon Fillet with or without skin (Belly) - Cut into large chunky strips, each enough for one person (as shown in pic)
Japanese Rice
Japanese green tea leaves (Sencha or Gyokuro)
Japanese Rice Seasoning (Can get from supermarkets or Daiso. Get those with seaweed and/or plum)
Toasted Sesame Seeds or Janice calls them Elmo seeds. I am sure you see the connection here (You can buy them straight or buy raw ones and toast a big batch in the oven or toaster oven and keep them in air tight jars)
Wasabi

Method:

Wash and pat dry the salmon Chunks and marinate them with few pinches of salt (I use organic sea salt/himalayan salt nowadays.) Cover and refridgerate for about 15-20 mins
Cook the Japanese Rice as normal (No special method here)
Heat up pan with just a teeny weeny bit of oil (I use grapeseed oil)
Once hot, gently put in the salmon chunks Pan fry them till half-3/4 cooked (turn the fillet once you see the sides getting cooked.You will still see the middle section of the salmon fillet still slightly raw) The salmon taste juicier and nicer this way. Once Salmon is fully cooked, it tends to get fishy and dry in my opinion. So buy fresh salmon to be safe, and eat them slightly rare. *unless you have to have cooked Salmon or you're pregnant. For Janice I cooked hers fully too, not overcooked. Salmon should be able to flake and detach pretty easily.
Meanwhile, make your tea in a tea pot. You can use the instructions of whatever tea you have. I used rough a heapful tea leaves and about a cup of water per pax. Entirely agaration. Let it steep for about 10 mins. Do not use boiling water if you are using Japanese green tea leaves. I don't use a strainer either and let some tea leaves out when I pour them. I like the tea leaves and they are nice to be eaten ;)
Scoop rice into bowl, place a chunk of salmon over the rice, sprinkle over with rice seasoning and sesame seeds, add a dollop of wasabi (optional) and pour the green tea over them

I served with cold organic silken tofu sprinkled with sesame seeds, seaweed, a couple drops of sesame oil and light sauce

For vege, I had a baby spinach, musculin mix leaves salad with grape tomatoes and purple onions drizzled with *home made dressing - forgot to take a picture of that

*I cut a couple slices of fresh lemon, added some toaster oven toasted olive oil garlic slices into an old glass jar. Poured extra virgin oil over them and cover and let it infuse for about an hour. Poured in a spoon full of balsamic vinegar, give it a good shake before drizzling over the salad.

Bon Apetit!

Ok, I hope I haven't been too detailed here. But trust me, its a really quick recipe. I should learn to take some pictures in the process to save my words a little. For the records, just in case I get dementia in future :)

The thorn

2011-11-12T01:56:00.001+10:00

I was prompted to go for the healing service yesterday evening. I haven't gone for it in a while and the husband was surprised and supportive at the same time, asked why the sudden decision. I wasn't sure, just felt to go and I went. I have been on radiation for the past 4 days and for the past 2 weeks, I have been coughing at night quite a fair bit. It's always this "cackling" noise when I take a deep breath and I have the urge to cough things out, phlegm or whatever that is causing those noises that makes me feel that I am drowning. So as I went for the healing service, I envisioned this super healing power of God, that perhaps God will heal me there and then and I might cough this humongous black rock out and voila, tumor gone. This was driven by the sheer frustration by that "thing" that has temporally been residing in my lung, it's not supposed to be there.
Interestingly I stepped into healing service to hear this message based on 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 preached by Pastor Stanley. 3 times Paul pleaded with the Lord, for the thorn to be removed from him, and the word given to Him is that the Grace of God is more than sufficient for him. Often I've focused on verse 8 about God's grace, but last evening I shared Paul's agony of the thorn, and I believe I have pleaded to God more than 3 times for Him to take it away. Paul of all people would have faith to believe, THE faith to trust in God's miraculous power. Surely God, isn't that enough? However the focus was not upon how easily God could have substituted pain, but how He transforms.
Therefore I am once again resolving my heart the 3 pointers through Paul's experience:

1. Let the thorn drive me to prayer
(I was reminded today that it's not just prayer of human words, but to learn to pray in the Spirit. After all, the spirit knows better, and the ultimate purpose of prayer is not answered prayer but sanctification to Christ likeness)

2. Let the thorn drive me to His grace
Over and over again, I have been reminded of the Father's heart. I think I am getting it a bit more each day. Slowly but surely

3. Let the thorn drive me to praise and not disillusionment
It's easy to feel bitter, and sometimes I do feel that I am loitering in the desert. Daily thanksgiving is not always natural and is often a repeated decision making. But thoughts are so powerful, and that decision to turn away from negativity means sowing into the pleasures of the Holy Spirit instead of putting out the Spirit of God like extinguishing a fire. That split second of obedience like that mentioned in Philippians 4:8 brings praise. There is power in praise.

Thank you holy spirit for moving me to the healing service and the teaching of "life in the spirit" at Church today. You are good, and my soul knows very well.

Learning to listen to His Voice

2011-10-31T20:04:00.004+10:00

Today was scheduled to be my 5th cycle of chemotherapy. We also reviewed the results of my PET scan and blood test results. In summary, there is little movement since previous scans. Though an improvement since the beginning but nothing major has happened. Bones side look very promising, but the main concern is still the main tumor in the right lung. Because of that tumor, my right broncho and artery are narrowed and that has been the main cause of my coughing symptoms and the infections, infarctions here and there.

Though these probably still don't sound terribly exciting still, I want to still testify in the workings of God. In fact, both Kel and I are excited in this juncture and we would like to ask for you to come alongside us in thanksgiving and prayer for what has happened and is to come.

The oncologist described my case as her "most challenging case" suggested an change of treatment, something that was out of the normal prescription of a stage IV lung cancer and that is to radiate the main tumor instead of carrying on with chemotherapy. The good thing about this is that I give chemotherapy a short break since it wasn't doing me massive benefits radiation should remove that tumor, which means I should not be coughing after that and should be able to breathe much better. The rationale is that the rest of the apparent "cancer hit" areas are small and stable and wasn't giving me any problems (i.e. I almost don't even realize their existence). The collateral damage shouldn't be much (hopefully) and though I may experience some side effects but they are all temporal ones. After radiation, we can then monitor and assess the situation again.

Why I said it was a testimony is that, a couple of weeks ago, I prayed and I felt that the tumor would somehow be removed (medically). I mentioned to Kel after that and asked, what if that tumor was removed and we start afresh? We left that thought on the shelf since I had no idea what that meant then. But when the oncologist suggested the "out of the ordinary" treatment, I knew it sat right. Over the past few days prior to today, Kel felt that I won't have to continue with chemotherapy today. And he was right. the encouragement that came from hearing His voice far outweighs encouragements that comes through reports alone (though I won't complain when that too happens, I told the Lord)

God is working in our lives and we are excited. The oncologist suggested we should pray and think through before giving her an answer tomorrow. Conventional doctors might fear that the break from chemotherapy might cause all other areas to re-emerge and worsen the condition. But I am also glad to say that My God is bigger than all the drugs could possibly do. Didn't the Holy Spirit remind me this morning that I can boast not of my strengths and I add, not boast of medical science, or anything human hands can make. But I can boast in His spirit for His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses. His Grace is sufficient.

Please pray with us, one of the biggest lesson we are learning is to hear the voice of God correctly. Thank you so much for all of you who have been praying and dropping us notes and verses of what God has spoken. I pray that as you join us in prayer, you too will enjoy the walk in the Spirit.

Happy 3rd Birthday

2011-10-31T02:47:00.001+10:00

My dearest sweetie,

I can't believe you're 3! Have I told you, that being a mummy to you is one of the best things that has happened to me. This year has been a rocky year for us as a family but I really thank God that He has blessed us with you. Though there were adjustments to be made, and at times, I could not care for you physically as much as I would love to, you have grown to be sensible and sensitive. Your chirpiness reflected so much of your cheerful personality, something we could have taken for granted with if our life was all normal and rosy. But through this season, you have (and you probably did not even realise) brought so much laughter and often lifted our spirits up. Looking at you, and what God has made you to, there is no reason to walk around like a grouch.

There are times when I still get impatient over your particular'ness over different things and how adamant you can get. But I secretly laugh over how similar you are to me, so who can I blame? Haha I should then laugh at daddy who probably have to put up with us. So in general, this trait of yours have also allow me to be indulged in the insistence of keeping the house neat and clean (big grin).

At this point, your favorite hobby is painting and drawing. You love hanging out with your cousins and loves going to school of any form. Childcare, Sunday School, Painting Class, Swimming. Its funny to see how you enjoy classroom settings with that ever willingness to go and participate accompanied by your infamous secret smile ("Arrm Chio" in hokkien). You've also grown so much more sociable because of that. (Thank God for Daddy's genes) Of recent, you're well known amongst the family as the "one last minute" girl. So we often get the timer ringing multiple times.

Happy Birthday my little darling. I am glad that this season has reminded me to slow myself down to cherish the time spent with you. Though this particular season we are in could be rocky and uncertain, and scary they are, I pray that the Holy Spirit will build strong faith in you. So know that whatever situation you are in, you can trust in this God who loves you more than anyone could. Not even daddy or mummy's love could ever replace that. Nevertheless, you are super blessed to be surrounded by the family (both blood related and spiritual family) who loves you (and us).

Today you had your party with everything of your favorite: Family, friends, painting fun, Char Siew Pau and Corn. You even got to help decorate your Bday Cake. I am so glad you had fun.

I love you sweetie, and thank you for showering us with your love and kisses always. May you grow each day to know God more so that you will also grow to know the world through His perspective. I noticed that your dress in the picture says :Wild Rose - I pray that you will always remember that you are beautiful inside out, on top of that strong and resilient.

Love, mummy.

God, this journey - it is all worth it

2011-10-30T02:18:00.000+10:00

I got to know today that my dad testified at the healing meeting of how God has given him peace this season. He said that he was devastated when he first received news of my illness. But ever since he came to know the Lord, he experienced peace. I once doubted the existence of God. Even through the past 10 years of my spiritual journey, I could never imagined how it would be like to share the gospel to my parents and how they could come to know the Lord, being self sufficient and successful in their own rights. My dad has been such a pillar of strength. Just the other day when I was really discouraged due to a bad chest pain, he wrapped his hands round me and said (in chinese), the Holy Spirit living is alive and is living in me, He has the power to heal. The transformation work of the Holy Spirit is so evident, how could I ever have doubted and underestimate the power of His spirit?

Coincidentally today, I watched snippets of P40 (SJSM 40th Anniversary) DVD that consist testimonies of different ones in church and how they walked through their fair share of struggles in life and the goodness God has brought through them. All these could have sounded like such a cliche, but look at what God has already done: The salvation of my parents, the things He is dealing in my walk with Him, reshaping our focus as a family, planting us in a cell and spiritual family. All these would not have happened if our life wasn't suddenly brought to this "critical" point.

So my prayer is still of that unspeakable joy that will govern my heart and give me strength. On top of that is to take joy in His purpose, that the focus is no longer on the circumstances, but on Him alone. There will be such a delight in Him (Psalm 37:4), just like how He takes delight in me (Zephaniah 3:17).

Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. - Psalm 86:11

I pray for a courage and strength to say "God, this journey - it is all worth it"

Preserving a sense of humor

2011-10-14T01:49:00.001+10:00

I am trying out blogging with a new app I downloaded for the iPad (I still can't believe my group of JC girlfriends got it for me for my bday this year, thank you and I love you girls!). I hope it works and hope that this can help me jot down ad hoc posts more conveniently.
"Joy" has been a prevailing message through this season from day 1. It's been a great source of strength just like what Nehemiah promised to be. After a grueling night of intensed back pain that developed after an episode of coughs (pain factor to me was 10/10 this time), surely warranted some down time. The husband was at lost and thank God I eventually fell asleep after some desperate prayers. We had a discussion with the oncologist and decided on some pain management strategies to tide through this, hopefully muscular problem. The oncologist asked about my supply of painkillers as we were walking out of the clinic, the husband replied, "running low I think, unless you (referring to me) got some hidden stash of drugs do not know of." I replied, "I think I've still got some hidden in the shoes and under the sheets". The oncologist laughed and gave us a shove and said "two of you...!"
A new pain relief drug was tried and chemotherapy for the day given, I was laughing in a conversation with one of the nurses. She smiled and said, am so glad you're laughing.
I thought back through the events of the day, these popped into my mind. There's always something to thank God for, and in this case, I thank God for the sense of humor around me, my dear husband still cracks me up, and I believe is such a special gift. Learn to laugh even in the most difficult situation, will ya?

Every breath that I take

2011-10-11T00:28:00.003+10:00

One of my deepest fear is not being able to breathe. That explains the reason why I will never scuba dive (separate story altogether) and as much as I love sea-sports (I used to sail), I keep them to be "above the water" ie. No need to use oxygen tanks, no need to be submerged fully in water. Breathing with my mouth makes me feel like I am gasping for air. I almost drowned once and that must be the horriblest feeling. I used to run, so breathless is not the biggest issue, I think the problem comes with the combination of water+lack of air.

So with my affected lungs now, I fear, of being breathless and being drowned by I don't know what. Of all the various needles, scans and checks that I've been through, I detest the bronchoscopes, I think I could have injured the doctor if I wasn't half sedated by reacting to the stuff they flushed into my lungs. I was kicking and gasping and coughing. terrible.

Recent dramas of bloody coughs and phlegm really made me very paranoid. The cough has been up and down, antibiotics were given, sometimes there's this strange discomfort in the lungs.

I am glad though. I could give all these fears and symptoms one by one to God. "Every breath that I take, every moment I'm awake, Lord have your way in me". God I give of my body aches, breathlessness, fears, anxious thoughts, hunger pangs, and every discomfort physical and emotional all to you. I will trust you, over and over again.

Random thoughts from a chemo-fried brain

2011-10-07T18:04:00.011+10:00

‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty.

This was a word of reminder for me today after a refreshing time of worship. It's been some time since I last updated. I was told that I need to occasional wave here so that those who have been praying will also know if I am alright.

Much has happened since I last updated. On the medical front, there has been one or two dramas here and there. Found new growth, changed chemotherapy combo (its a bit like mixing cocktails here), new growth shrunk, the rest remained pretty similar, thus I'm continuing with the new drugs. Coughed blood in my sputum for a couple days, thank God it subsided after that. Had my 2nd round of the new chemo yesterday, knocked out for the night, woke up with a growling rumbling tummy, took a bite and slept in till 12. Janice stayed over my parent's so I could sleep uninterrupted, but the funny thing is that I sort of tiptoed round the house last night, forgot she was at my parent's, and this morning even woke up thinking I heard her singing in her room. My brain might be a little chemofried here, but Gosh, I miss her!

We also took a short trip to Phuket last week, in between the chemo cycles. It was a nice break, though we really didn't do much. It was still good time spent with the little family, plus my parents. I think part of me thought that going for a trip might give me some form of normality, but I as I pondered and prayed on the flight back, I realized it's never going to be NORMAL again. Initially I felt a sense of lost, like trying in search of my "old life", like eat like a normal person (depends on how you define normal here), basically living like this "cancer thing" has never happened. I was a little frustrated, and began to find it hard when my parents fussed over me, my diet, how I am. Conversations, blog entries sometimes do not deviate from the topic of this season. I wished I could fast forward and leave this behind.

The Word then spoke to me "Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in His body is done with sin. As a result, he does live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God" [1 Pet 4:1-2]

My life is never going to be NORMAL again, because the definition of normality should not be confined to the normalities of the world, but it is live in accordance to the call and purpose He has intended me to have. This season is meant to shape me and redefine me in accordance to His will, and it will only be worthwhile if I were to rise up to that instead of clinging on to the past and think (and wish) that all these were but a dream.

I live by the spirit and the power of the Lord each day. In this season, ever more so, because I know that my might and strength will not be enough, in fact futile. But my prayer is that this builds me some good spiritual muscles, that when I enter a new season, I am armed with so much more.

On the lighter note, here's us at Phuket. I can't believe how much my little girl has grown, and how much God has blessed me with these sweetie pies (the husband included)

Because of my bloody sputum, I had to go through a series of tests, thus the trip got delayed for 1/2 a day. We had to forgo out original jetstar tickets (waiting for them to be compassionate and refund with some travel vouchers) but we got to go on silkair! :) haven't had food, entertainment and kiddo freebies on our flights for a while :) we were v. happy haha!

Look at how thrilled she was with the sand and rushing waves

Believe it or not, it was pretty much pitch dark when this shot was taken (almost 7 in the evening) but the shots turned out with awesome lighting!

One of those days ...

2011-08-24T04:06:00.004+10:00

It was one of those days when getting out of a negative thought cycle was such a struggle. I wanted to blog during one of those days, but I couldn't even get to my laptop. I suppose it was good, because I don't like to lament during those days, but prefer to write when I can see it, in some way of retrospect.

Those days were the days I felt weak, and nausea and vicious cycle of not seeing the light out of the tunnel, praying and struggling to focus beyond where I am and what my family could possibly be going through. It was real, those thoughts and struggles. As much as I am writing now, in some way retrospectively, I know I will still walk through such valleys, whether it is pertaining to the current situation or some other circumstances down the road. But I also know His love is unfailing, and with every bit of remaining sanity, I will cling on to that, and He catches me. And again, I felt it this afternoon, sitting in a huge lazy boy armchair doing my 3rd chemo. I felt nausea, restless, even resentful slightly when someone I did not know came by to want to pray and asked me if I had unforgiveness. I sat there and started speaking in tongues, and all I knew was, though what seemed like eternity (2.5-3hrs) sitting there, His grace somehow carried me through, as I listened to Chris Tomlin's I will rise. And now I am sitting here, a lot lighter hearted.

3 things I know I am struggling with during one of those days:

1. Beat myself up

You know I can beat myself up, spending some days really in tune and close to God. And there will be some days when complacence sets in. Then physically I will go through another hurdle and I can beat myself up again for not remaining close to God enough to walk through the hurdle with joy and gladness in my heart. But I really got to learn and I know that the holy spirit is reminding me time and again that really, nothing I can do can make Him love me less or more, but He has given me everything. Hey, I can have full confidence in His grace that is more than sufficient to carry me through everything. Including my horridest humanly sinful weaknesses. I just need to come to Him again and again. I am learning and breakthrough will come.

2. Legalism

On the another swing of the matter. I am not here to make ticks and checklists. Not how consistent I can do my quiet time. I can have full security to rest when I need to, and wake up with joy in my heart to enjoy and be captivated by Him. I am learning this. God, please remind me daily, my joy is in the salvation I am working on daily :) Legalism also coming in the form of fear of not doing what I think is good. Like eating a measured load of vegetables, organic produce or guilty to guts when stealing a bite of salty carrot cake, a mouth of cake etc. Will my condition improve or worsen? Oh no what have I just done? I've got to understand the choices I make that should come out of my intention of taking life responsibly as a good steward, not out of fear. My trust in healing is not upon how "obedient" I can be or how many right things I have done, who/what I have prayed for. But my trust in God and His sovereignty, goodness and faithfulness. My trust in Him, His character and nothing else.

3. Paranoia

Again very linked. What ifs? Will I need to go through life, paranoid at the food I am going to take, my daughter, my husband's, my loved ones health? My health? Pains, discomforts, coughs? All a sign of something? I think of how I am going to balance my thoughts. Worry worts seem to run in the family, and I want to break it, because I know it is one thing that steals me away from the my trust in God. A couple of weeks back, I had the privilege to write out a list of chinese verses for my mom all in the area of God's faithfulness and how we ought not to worry. I wrote in the note to my mom saying that each time she worries, she will be falling in the trap of the enemy, so each time she worries, she needs to meditate on these verses. I spoke that out of faith and proclamation also for myself. It will be a breakthrough of faith here. Far away from what has blinded us for years.

So now once again, I want to remain myself, and you, that the Spirit who raised Jesus from the dead is living in me (you), and He who raised Christ from the dead will also give live to my (your) mortal body (bodies) through His spirit who lives in me (you). Roman 8:11

Let me tell you the story behind this verse (Sunita, I promised I will start documenting some of these things down:)

Two days before the condition was "confirmed" I was sitting at the waiting room before the last and "determining" scan. I remembered this very word that rung in my mind continuously. I remembered the day after I was diagnosed by the doctors about my condition, I wanted so much to know how much His word was relevant to me. Not just a general principle, but for me. It was funny, because I was sitting in my parent's living room, thinking as I looked out of the window. This truck, from nowhere drove past, and the word on the truck was "RHEMA". In red. I was like, God, you have a sense of humor here. The truck drove by, in slow speed. And at the back of the truck, just before it sped off said "You are in good hands". Funny right. It made me laughed so hard. That very evening, Pastor Jo came for a visit and said, I was meditating in the morning and this verse kept coming up and I felt it was really for you. Read Romans 8:11.

I am Dreaming

2011-08-01T02:04:00.003+10:00

I am dreaming of crisp spring air, and lush green fields.

I am dreaming of the 3 of us on a road trip, no agenda.

I am dreaming of serving in a village, and smiles of little children as they sing songs of praise.

I am dreaming of running a 10km race, and having the lung capacity to wanna go on more.

I am dreaming of worshipping God in a praise and worship marathon, not needing to pause and cough.

I am dreaming of flying a kite with my 2 darlings, running wild.

I am dreaming of cooking a storm in a huge kitchen with an island top (did I also mention that i own that kitchen?)

I am dreaming of rolling and kneading cookie dough with my little woman and have flour all over our noses.

I am dreaming of making different concoctions of healthy meals, neatly frozen in little containers.

So today I asked of the Lord to breathe His Living spirit into me, dry bones made alive. Hope in abundance, never lacking in strength and zeal. To live a life in abundance, because He promised me so.

A note worthy post.

2011-07-29T21:46:00.002+10:00

My parents have taught me a lot. In fact more than I ever imagined them to have done. It was a typical chinese family, where dad doesn't speak too much but when he does it usually weighs a ton. They were not extreme like a tiger mom, but the no nonsense rule applies. And whatever you've set your foot out to do, you jolly well complete it with your utmost ability.

Ever since I was sick, mom and dad have been hanging around me. The amount of time we've spent under one roof must have been more than we ever did in the past 20 years. They were both committed in their own ways, mom was committed (full on) to feed me the best nutrition ever, and dad, a side that I've not really experienced, was committed to be around. To drive mom around, wherever she needed and to drive us (my daughter inclusive) around, and to just sit around, being there physically. Their presence have been a source of comfort to me, and it seems almost neutral, because for them to be part of my life in such a way brings them some sort of reassurance too.

There's never been qualms of how they are my role models when it comes to many aspects of life. But what I never expected was how today, they have modeled to me the commitment towards God and His ways. It was a big step for them to put their faith in God after all these years, and today I was told, that the idols are removed. Just like that. "There's no half heartedness here, we don't want to be neither here nor there", dad says.

I slept through the whole afternoon when are these were happening, I woke up, half awake to this piece of news.

God deserves all the glory, because of His faithfulness, because He never let go of us, He has allowed all these. I am awed. I am proud of my parents too.

The night lingers...

2011-07-29T02:33:00.002+10:00

The chemo drugs made me really dazed out for the entire day. I spent the day coming in and out of deep sleep. I couldn't spend as much time with Janice as I would have wanted to. She went to school in the morning and went off to spend some time with Gugu and the grandparents. She came home and I was at the healing service. Oh I so miss her and couldn't wait to get and give some cuddles. I was worried that she would be clingy and whiney when she sees me after a long day, but I came home to be greeted by this little girl who was grinning from ear to ear, ready to throw her arms round me.

"Mummy, you went to the healing service?"

"Mummy, can I pray for you?"

She went on to narrate details of her evening, telling me where she went, what she ate, what she did.

She wanted to follow us out of her room though it was way past her bedtime. I was more than happy for her to do so.

"Mummy, you can't carry me because you're still sick? Daddy, you're not sick, so you can carry me"

Off she went, piggy backing on daddy, while I followed behind.

Both sets of grandparents were there, Gugu was there, and she was in her own zone. Carrying out her conversations, some random, some incredibly thoughtful.

I allowed the night to linger on though it was way past the bedtime, and I could barely stand without feeling faintish.

There were lots of random requests that followed before the eventual "bedtime".

"I need to comb my hair, muumy. Its messy, I can't sleep if its messy"

" I need 5 songs, alphabets songs, froggy songs, ... "

She prayed again for me, and my cough, insistent I bow my head to the prayer, and repeated the prayer once she heard me cough just a little.

We bid each other goodnight, shouting sweet dreams and I love yous as we exit the room.

It was a nice night that lingered on just a little. It doesn't matter that teachers "complained" (very nicely) that Janice reaches school way too late" (She needs her 12 hr sleep, thus she wakes up at 10 and reaches school at 11, much to the "protest" of the teachers *grin)

When the lights are dimmed and the husband and I snuggled into bed eventually, we were still happily recounting every happy little thing that Janice said, and her funny and cute demeanor.

I sat in the dark, smiling a happy smile, thanking God for this lingering night. I can't believe how blessed I am.

Thoughts on a Sunday Night

2011-07-25T01:37:00.003+10:00

My life, or our lives (as a family) took a totally unexpected turn about 1.5 months back. What we thought was a common cough and backache I had for the past couple of months turned out to be a stage 4 lung cancer. The weeks leading up to the diagnosis on the 30th June 2011, was a whirlwind of tests, and scans. It was the scariest time of my life, almost like walking through dark tunnels that brought us deeper and further away.

As the scans and tests began to reveal almost my entire insides, in search for cancer cells, I know that God too was doing a major surgical work in me and many of those who were standing by me, especially my family and some close friends. We really struggled to figure what was going on, I would wake up in the middle of night with pangs of fear that made me feel too sick to move. But somehow, God just never failed to speak and gave us peace that we could not explain. I remembered when the tests were still going on and when we first got the hint from the specialists that it was cancer, we sat at the hospital bench. I closed my eyes and the first thing I remembered asking of God was joy. When that came out, my carnal nature questioned, joy? What was I thinking? But little did I know that that was the very note

that held us together since the journey started.

Fast track 1.5 months later, 1 cycle of chemo into the treatment, with 1 more on the way in less than 24hrs time; there's been so much to thank God for. The list is too long to recount here. To name a few: My parents accepted Christ and has been hungry to learn about Christ since then. I am blessed with tremendous support from family and friends. As I stood in worship this morning, I recounted the series of events, though felt like a deep valley, has only affirmed a truth of God's unconditional love for me. Not just for those around me, but for me. The truth that seemed to have found its place in my mind and my heart. It was clear and doubtless. It kept ringing over and over again in my heart today, you know just like how a toddler first learnt their steps, they would keep trying and walk over and over again as if it was a strange new feeling that they've found their legs.

Besides all these, its amazing to see how Janice has grown over the weeks. I can't believe how much she has grown in the vocabulary in prayers. Tonight before the reading of bedtime stories, she turned to the dad and said, "we must pray for mummy first, ok." Without any prompting she prayed a simple prayer, "Dear Jesus, please heal mummy and protect mummy, in Jesus name, Amen. Now mummy, you can start to read now!" Before I left the room, she wanted to pray for me again.

I had to release some of my thoughts here today, it's been an incredible journey, very scary, I've never felt that uncertain in life, I've never had so much time to read the bible, pray and worship, and experience Him so closely either. I've never had so much support and prayers garnered up for me.

Okay this post ended to be longer than planned. So good night, I should now get some rest for Chemo attack number 2 tomorrow.

Parenting Tools 101

2011-07-16T17:03:00.002+10:00

Parenting is fun, very rewarding but also very challenging. One aspect of parenting I think is very important is BOUNDARIES. There is nothing easy about boundaries, how much is too much, too much, too stifling? How to draw effective boundaries but yet giving room for the child to explore, learn and satisfy their bottomless curiosity?

In our world where time is often bounded with agendas and schedules, its difficult. Because for those who has kids would agree with me, that time frames is almost non-existent to a toddler. They can almost never understand the concept of "hurry" because you have a meeting to attend and need to get them out of the house in "x" minutes. Or when they choose to indulge themselves in an activity they enjoy, "enough" doesn't exist in their dictionary. I am sure God feels this way when He tries to make us understand His concept of eternity.

I must also say that ever since I've fallen sick (another entry needed for this), I've got many perspective shifts, of what's important and what's not. My lifestyle now has also come to a halt and has since slowed down. It's nice because I've not needed to rush Janice out of the house in morning because we are all late for work/class etc. And I've not needed to get her into bed earlier because she doesn't need to wake up early like before (though my dad thinks her childcare should now give us 20% discount since she will only reach her class close to noon). Such lifestyle suits a toddler perfect.

Back to boundaries (I digressed): Regardless, boundaries are still required. One tool that has worked really well for us is the use of timer. Now, I've also got a girl who's a stickler at rules and stuffs, so timer works perfect.

We introduce the timer sometime back and has helped us in many occasions: Timer for TV time, X minutes to go before bedtime, I phone/I pad usage, X minutes before a bath/loo is needed, length of time she's going to spend in the bath, paint, play, how long more to go before she keeps her toys. I think the secret for making it work is giving Janice the option of number of minutes, for example, 2 minutes or 5 minutes? etc. She decides and she sets the timer, when it rings, she turns off herself and move on to the next required activity. Because she was the one who decides on the time, she has less issues in following it. There will be times when she negotiates for more, and that's when we will then discuss. Of recent, the timer even works for melt downs. One of those tantrums that used to give us a big headache is when she starts to yell what she doesn't want but have no idea what she wants. She will continue by yelling she wants mummy when I am sitting right before her, and it can sometimes go for quite a long while. We started asking her recently how long she needs to cry and yell for, since we know that such outlets are essential for them to release some steam sometimes. She will usually say something like 1 or 2 minutes, she will funnily then set her own timer and when it rings, she will stop crying. Funny, and very cute.

I guess it also helps that they don't count till big numbers yet, so 10mins is often the max. the timer's been set for.

Try this timer method if you haven't, it's surprisingly effective!

Complete

2011-06-27T13:07:00.003+10:00

This song was buried at the back of my mind for a long time. This song is a very personal worship I have with God, and was also the song I walked down the aisle the day I married my dear hub. I think I haven't even listened to it for quite a while. But for the past 3 days, it is this song that resonates deeply. It gave me the perspective to keep looking up towards my Lord. To know that I am still a work incomplete but He is in the process of making me whole. He will bring me to completion. I know.

Here I am Oh God

I bring this sacrifice

My open heart

I offer up my life

I look to you Lord

Your love that never ends

Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you Lord

In your strength will I breakthrough Lord

Touch me now

let your love fall down on me

I know your Love dispels all my fears

Through the storm I will hold on Lord

And by faith I will walk on Lord

Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day

And I will be COMPLETE in you.

Under the weather

2011-05-29T19:00:00.002+10:00

The little girl and I have been a little under the weather lately. She started having runny nose and last night conjunctivitis. Thank God we managed to find a PD available on Sunday and she's doing well, taking her long afternoon nap now. Considering that we felt like we were going to have a "bleak" sunday ahead when she refused to sleep because of her eye and all 3 of us were watching Hi-5 at 1.30am in the morning. She is back to this cheerful little lark and we are both very thankful about.

I have been having this chronic cough and a bad back. Terrible because it felt like it didn't warrant anymore sick days home but I cannot make proper conversations with anyone without coughing fits. And the bad back is just a pain. I've been on TCM after 3 courses of western meds, and none seems to be helping. Perhaps it's the rest I need.

The point of my entry is to remember this moment, of peace and quietness. Kel is off to Church, while the little girl is taking a nap. I've mopped the floor and cooked the dinner. I have a thousand one things I want to do, catch up on my work, perhaps do some painting, or sewing .... but instead I chose to slump on the amazing couch, with the air con on. I savor this quiet moment in prayer and I know, I can do with such moments more often.

4 years and stronger

2011-05-13T00:52:00.000+10:00

Being married has brought out the ugliest and best side of us. 4 years, we have gone through a fair share of highs and lows. Its amazing because from the time we got married, our lives have been in constant transition. There has been a major change going on every single year. Employment, baby, moving back Singapore, Kel going into full time ministry, and now studies. Flashback of the past 4 years, I remember fun times, endearing moments, forgiving, and reconciliation. I wouldn't say it was a bed of roses always when grindings of the daily routines take over. Considering how different we both are, we clash big time. When I am stressed up, I see every single hair on the floor, the unwashed cups, the magnified dust and mess. When he is stressed up, he takes a back seat, and disengages a little (sometimes more :)); And funnily, we normally get stressed at the same time, so you can imagine the tolerance that has to come on both ends.

4 years has been rewarding and I am so glad that God gave me a man whose love for me is unwavering. I saw how he has grown to give in and give up, how he humbled himself. I thank God for humbling me and moulding me, for teaching me to give thanks, hope and trust when things do not go my way. I thank God that we can look into each other's eyes and still be passionate for each other. For giving us a beautiful daughter to remind us that we ought to remain faithful to love each other for her sake too. We told each other when we had our date yesterday, that we will constantly remember to keep our excitement for each other strong and not forget how we love spending time together, and that nothing should rob that away. Not age, not the weighs in life, not anything.

I enter the 5th year of marriage with a prayer that I will walk stronger with the Lord, because it is only through Him that I can gain strength to love and wisdom. I enter in this new phase excited because God is doing so much more in Kel's life that I know I trust this man to lead the family to deeper love with our Lord.

Happy Anniversary my dear ... I love you ...

Tri-Color Rule

2011-05-01T17:27:00.004+10:00

One of the fun things of motherhood is to try out new and interesting recipes. I love scouring blogs and Annabel Karmel's recipes for ideas. Most times, I derive my own, so I'll let my imagination run a little, imagine combination of taste and what could be whipped out from it.

I have a couple of simple rules I abide by.

1. Quick meals

2. Easy to obtain ingredients (mostly revolved around what I already have in the fridge)

3. Tri-color rule

Tri-color rule is important. Firstly, it has aesthetic value. Who can resist a colorful meal? Secondly, it offers higher nutritional value. A PD's advice to me was, you need to have minimum 3 colored vegetables. Sounds troublesome, but actually it's simple. Green, Orange, Yellow are my rule. So its always a combination between the greens, a root vegetable/Fruit like sweet potatoes, pumpkin, or corn. Then there's also cauliflower, onions, Zuchinni, squash etc. to play around with.

So after a tri-color rule, the meal will require 1 source of carbo, usually brown rice or pasta/noodles, and then your protein. Chicken/Fish are my main ones, sometimes I'll have beef and pork, but I haven't tried lamb personally because I hardly ever cook that, so I don't really know how to handle lamb.

So if you've any suggestions of good toddler meal ideas, please feel free to drop them in my comments!

At Two and a Half

2011-05-01T12:50:00.004+10:00

Dear purple,

You've turned 2.5 yesterday. I am calling you purple because 3 weeks ago, you declared that your new name is Purple Mok because you like purple. You've later named me Pinky and daddy Blue. That's you, at 2.5, you are clear of your likes and dislikes. No matter how people try to confuse you, you will stick on to your decisions. It's good, because when we manage to come eye level with you to get you to listen, you will, and will also stick on to your decision. However, there will also be times when you are so adamant about something that nothing can change your mind. Your sense of humor is hilarious and has on many occasions sent us rolling with laughter.

The way you named us also reflected your ability to cluster similar things together and piece things together. You're also full of interesting imagination and that has been super entertaining.

It has been heaps of fun lately because of you are almost like a little grown up. We can negotiate, get you to make choices and get you to 'problem solve' and figure things out. That has greatly reduced tantrums because we are now able to negotiate within the boundaries. Most times you're predictable, and we are just so glad that we've stuck on to routines since you were born. It's helped us to also know what you need and want.

You're extremely expressive with your 1001 funny antics. You love showing your affection and your random moments of "I Love you daddy, or I like you buddy, or you're handsome/beautiful" often melt us to bits.

I think creativity is probably one of your strengths. You're quite natural when it comes to drawing and painting. You also turn nothing into something fun and funny. Like yesterday, you took a few pieces of serviettes at the cafe, and turned them into eggs and magic show. You can be emo at times (mostly in the evenings, so its most likely due to tiredness) but mostly, you're happy. You seemed to be energized after being in the midst of people, be it Sunday School, or adult company. And such social activities will lead to you singing songs to yourself, humming a melody and very chatty. It's fun to talk to you because you can now hold a decent conversation.

Of late, you've really become quite sociable, and that surprised us a little. You used to take a while to warm up to strangers. The other day, you went up to daddy's classmate and told her that you wanted watermelons! That was quite funny actually!

You've made us look good as parents, and we know we have little to boast about ourselves and we're just thankful that God has been the one leading us. We're thankful for good company we have, like your Cow Fu, Kum Mows, Gu Gu ... They've all taught us a lot about Parenting, and your cousins are also very good influences.

I hope you'll continue to grow up with that big and inquisitive heart of yours. This morning, you made a remark saying that you've not changed into your pretty dress thus not pretty yet. We assured you that no matter what you wear externally, you're beautiful. God reminded me on my 5th week of pregnancy, when I was in doubt of whether I have lost you, that you are beautifully and wonderfully made. Today, I know its true and it will forever be.

I love you precious, and I pray I will never be afraid to lead you in Godly ways, and love you in His ways.

Love, Pinky

How can I keep from Singing

2011-04-28T23:42:00.002+10:00

I've been struck by a series of events and crossroads over the past weeks. As decisions were made and things began to unfold, my heart began to be more at peace. Not that things got easier, I was in fact being confronted with truths about my life that requires change. Change in my attitudes and adjustments in my life. I need lots of help from the Holy Spirit and I was reminded of this song today. Through the day, different parts of the lyrics seem to echo and speak right into heart. So after work today, I swung by Trumpet Praise and made my (very rare) CD purchase. I came back and told the husband about the song, and funny thing was that he has been singing the same song too. God has been working this way quite often with us, affirming us with same lyrics, something very comforting to me and reminding me just how real he is. So the song is right, how can I keep from Singing when I know I stand on this rock?

How can I keep from Singing

There is this endless song

Echoes in my soul

I hear the music ring

And though the storms may come

I am holding on

To the rock I cling

Chorus:

How can I keep from singing Your praise

How can I ever say enough

How amazing is Your love

How can I keep from shouting Your name

I know I am loved by the King

And it makes my heart want to sing

I will lift my eyes

In the darkest night

For I know my Savior lives

And I will walk with You

Knowing you'll see me through

And sing the songs You give

I can sing in the troubled times

Sing when I win

I can sing when I lose my step

And fall down again

I can sing 'cause You pick me up

Sing 'cause You're there

I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord

When I call to you in prayer

I can sing with my last breath

Sing for I know

That I'll sing with the angels

And the saints around the throne

Finally some updates ...

2011-04-11T16:33:00.002+10:00

I haven’t updated our blog for ages, I’ve been very busy and most days, I’m left with little or no energy to blog. And when things accumulate, you sort of don’t know where to start. This morning, I thought I better do something about it, before I forget what happened in the past months.

March

We started church at COGS after much prayer and thoughts. They needed a youth worker and asked if Kel could go over. We decided with the move and after some transitions, moved over to COGS. We’re still adjusting and figuring out our new “home”. Kel also started his very intensive 9 month Inductive Bible Study class under School of Biblical Studies (SBS), YWAM. It is super intensive and ever since he started, he has been staying up till 3 am to do his work. It’s crazy, but God is really doing something new in his heart. So we (especially Kel) are excited of what is to come. He is soaked in the Word every day, and it’s scary sometimes because I feel that I am not catching up. But I guess it reflects how much I need to be in His presence and digging the Word more, and it’s a wake up call for me to pull my socks up. But I can tell, despite the lack of sleep and the stress, he is really enjoying this season.

We went for our first ever family holiday (my side) since I was 5. This time round, it was with all our other halves, and kids. So it was a troupe of 11 and we finally put our act together and booked ourselves tickets to Perth (since the budget air tickets were cheap). It was such a GOOOOD time. It was a combination of fun, and very relaxing. We stayed the bulk at Margaret River. The 3 kids played, ate and slept together. The house was gorgeous and we had kangaroos on our backyard! Not just 1 or 2, but a whole big group (what’s the collective term for kangaroos? Herd?) Every single day. We had BBQ, seafood, lots of steak, lamb, salads. So good. Did I say that I miss Australia? After a year back in Singapore, we think we can still call Australia Home! The space and the nice grass, the yummy olive dips, pasta … ok, I think I’ll need a separate post for that. I will try to upload some pictures.

3 days after we came back, on the 22^nd March, we received a call that my grandmother in Malaysia passed away. We packed our bags and travelled 7 hours to dad’s hometown for the funeral and the wake. Though it was a sudden lost, we knew she’s lived to a ripe old age of 90. It was also one of the rare times when we actually met up with cousins and distant relatives that we haven’t seen for ages, some for more than 20 years. It was a massive reunion, and I know Ah Ma had left quite a legacy. It was funny, because I said that we haven’t spent time together for a long time and we ended up spending 2 whole weeks together.

So in summary, March was a month I discovered more about my family, and I didn’t know that spending time with siblings could be so much fun.

April

Kel is still very busy with SBS. He is trying hard to still spend quality time with us, and has been doing well. Though I think he can do with more sleep. As for my work front, it’s been very stressful and tiring. March was in and out for me due to the traveling and unforeseen circumstances. I was heading up the fundraising dinner team and after the major event last week; I am still experiencing much after shocks and sleep depravity. I think a lot is going on in my head, home front, work, personal … and I need the space to process. The weeks leading up to the event (since March), I have also been staying up very late every night. I don’t do well with lack of sleep, so I’ve been grinding and clenching jaws, and easily irritable. All these are not very good signs.

Janice

She deserves a section! Janice has been a great traveler. With the recent 7 hrs trip up to Perak, Malaysia, we actually survived without turning on the DVD player! It’s a real feat J She has also been a lot stronger physically. But it takes quite a bit of efforts to make sure she eats healthily (at least 3 kinds of vegetables + protein for her dinners), supplementing with Chinese herbal soup. We’ve adjusted our schedules slightly, to head off to work earlier in the morning, and finishing earlier to come home (5 plus) so that it’s not so rush to cook, and we can spend more time with her, and putting her to bed before 9pm. Sometimes I wake up in the morning at 6ish to prepare parts of the dinner. This arrangement has worked out very well, and we are likely to stick to this. After the Australia trip, she’s grown so much in maturity and understanding. It’s amazing. We’re really enjoying this season. I hope I can update more about Janice soon. She’s turning 2.5 years end of this month. She sings, chat, and make up conversations and stories for hours. She’s full of energy, expressive and affectionate.

About the Dad ...

2011-02-14T17:17:00.003+10:00

One of the highlights working for Focus on the Family was to witness very touching moments. We had a Date with Dad over the weekend and it was so heart warming to see fathers and daughters catching up, tearing over conversations, writing letters to affirm each other and ending with a pledge from the father to the daughter before presenting the daughter with the “Worth the Wait” ring. I believe it was a very defining moment. Fathers are often not fantastic with words while on the other hand, daugthers will like to hold the perception that their fathers do not understand them.

I guess I come from a point of view of someone who stands between the X and Y generation. I see many old ways that need to be changed for the better yet still living in the nagging norms of a slightly more traditional upbringing. I grew up with the understanding that dads provide the bread. There is no need to really spend time with the wife or kids. Home on the other hand is for the moms to run. I knew my dad as a responsible man, and have vague memories of a couple of occasions of his soft hands of affirmation. It was sometime of recent that I began to understand the impact of my lack of father daughter relationship and some negative consequences from that. By the way, I do not hold any grudges against my dad, but one thing I recognised is that the daughters yearning heart for the dad’s approval is real even till this day. I am learning to translate my own experience to hopefully parent my daugther (and hopefully children to come) better, whilst reallly seeking God for His infinite wisdom. To qualify, I do not think that I grew up under “bad” parenting, and there are so much wisdom I could get from the way my parents brought me up, and that deserves other entries on.

I am super blessed to have a husband who believes and is willing to sow into the daughter’s life. In the times I struggle to release him to the marketplace(or rather his place of work) and make his mark (while yearning for him to spend more time to see the actual growth of our little one) he assures me that he chose his path today because he wanted to be part of the everyday life of the family. I bear the genes of a sinful carnal man, and I struggle every now and then when my mom would nag at me for us (the husband and I) to find better paying jobs etc. and often I found it hard not to entertain the enticing thought of being part of the bigger rat race of striving for MORE. To date, I am still in the process of being moulded by God, to stand secure at His call and provision. And to shout out that I will not be in lack, not physically, not in wisdom (especially in parenting), not emotionally (He can fill me with joy and great satisfaction in life)

Since love is also in the air today, being Valentine’s Day, I ought to do something that I seldom do. To affirm my dear husband as a father and a lover. I think I have wasted countless golden opportunities to critisize instead of affirm. The kitchen not cleaned, clothes not washed, what? You forgot to wash the vegetables before you cooked for janice?? Etc etc. On many occasions, it may have seemed that I still trust my earthly dad more than my very own husband’s judgment calls, I know I have come a long way to learn to acknowledge and trust the man of my household.

Someone told me, that its hard to be fathers of this generation. They have so many different hats to wear and honestly multi-tasking is not their flair. But I salute to you my dear husband, for the times you've sacrificed yourself for us. For how you hung on and lead me in the way that you think God is calling us to. To affirm me when I am lost and confused. For waking up for the little one. For being very generous with your hugs to her (and me). For bring us out (individually) on dates. For teaching me to see beyond material things. For never insisting which should be a “mothers’ role” and not the dad’s role, besides breast feeding, you attempt everything. For the many things you think you have done a lousy job, but I would like to tell you that you’ve got yourself in the right foot, so hang in there. I can’t wait for you to bring the little princess out for a real real date, but meanwhile, you’re doing great. And watching (hearing) you guys depart on your bicycle for a ride warms me up and never fail to make me smile.

Happy Valentines’ Day my dear.

p.s. Janice, I hope you'll read this when you grow up and that you'll always know of your father's love, both your earthly and spiritual dads.

Looking at these happy pumpkins makes me happy too!!

2011-02-07T15:14:00.004+10:00

Janice @ 27 Months

2011-02-01T13:58:00.005+10:00

{long post ahead *BEWARE}

I was amazed this morning that I have to document this conversation down:

I was doing the dishes in the kitchen when I realised that there was a cup that was still in my handbag that needed to be washed. I called out to you (Janice) a couple of times. You were watching TV then, and I could only see a little part of your head seated somewhere in front of the sofa.

Me: Janice, Janice, I need a favor from you.

Janice: Huh?

Me: Can you go to mummy's bag and find me the purple cup please.

Janice: [stood up and started looking around]

Me: My bag's near the sofa, darling.

Janice: [found my bag and started rummaging through it] Where mummy?

Me: Bring my bag here, I will tell you where to find it.

Janice: [dragged my bag into the kitchen]

Me: It's in the bag, can you see it?

Janice: Oh yes!! Here mummy ... [took out the cup and handed to my soapy hands]

Me: Thanks Darling, you're so helpful. Can you put the bag to where it was just now?

Janice: Yes! [Picked the bag up from the floor and went back to where it was. Left the bag there and sat back to her original position in front of the TV]

Me: Thanks baby! [I shouted from the kitchen]

Janice: [Mutters]

I can't believe that my baby's really not a baby anymore!

It was then I realized I really haven't been documenting for a long time. It has been an incredible journey with you, little pumpkin. I am loving having small conversations with you, and there are just so much to talk about, that I don't know where to start. So I will try to be systematic here:

Physical:

Weight: 12.5kg

Height: 86cm

I know the details so well because you've been going to the doctors so often. Over this whole year, you've fallen quite sick a number of times with scary high temperatures. It's really making me re-think about your childcare arrangements and how best daddy and I can adjust our lives. We are still in the praying and considering process. There are people we need to talk to and discuss, so hold on little pumpkin :)

Motor skills:

You are not as "chiong" as I thought you would be. Though you were really active in my womb, you turned out to be a pretty cautious person, calculative at taking risk. So besides jumping on the sofa, you are pretty mild, and hardly run around when we are out. [Thank God!]

Social:

Rather shy initially, but you have really warmed up with some of the people that mummy and daddy often hang out with. You favorite people in the world (besides us!) are your grandparents, your GUGU, cousins, and CowFus Cum Mow, Godma and Uncle Jasper, and the auntie, uncles in our Wednesday cell. You've also been naming all your friends in school and our nightly routine of praying for people has to include your friends. We pray that you will be a blessing, and tell people about the goodness of God.

Language:

You understand both mandarin and english pretty well, though you answer mostly in english. We can now hold small conversations, which is great. You have been able to express quite to us and have been singing songs unaided, including Chinese songs (I'm impressed).

Sleeping:

Yay, we are happy to have you fully sleep trained on 1st Jan. We used to need to stay in the room till you fall asleep, but nowadays, we just have to spend about 10-15 mins with you in the room, pray, turn off the lights and kiss you good night. We discovered, you actually like to sleep in (Can you tell how secretly happy I am? *Grinz - it means I get to sleep in on Saturdays too) Woo Hoo! You've been excellent, and we aren't the only ones who can get you to bed this way, whoever's looking after does the same, take you to the room, talk to you and kiss you good night and leave. Thank God!

Favorite Activities:

Drawing, doodling, painting, drawing dots and circles (arrgh sometimes very frustrating because the ink goes so fast!) and playing with your doll house.

Discipline:

You're quite stuck to a routine, which is really good and predictable. When you do act up, going to a corner usually works. Our last warning will be a smack on your hand with the wooden spoon. We're glad that we hardly have to resort to that. You do push your boundaries, but I guess its a good sign that you are growing in your independence, and we pray daily for wisdom to know how to release you and pull you back accordingly.

Others:

Elephant memory is what you've got sometimes :)

Nuff said. You've been a great kiddo. Spending time with you has been the most rewarding thing ever. Its my daily prayer that I can channel my concerns and anxiety in parenting to God, and learn to trust Him for your well being. I thank God everyday for you, little pumpkin.

Love Mummy.

60 more days

2011-01-11T14:51:00.003+10:00

60 more days, and I will be here:

I can't wait. I have in mind the 3 kids playing and running around. Slow walks along the beach. BBQ fresh prawns and steak. Lots of steak. Curled up with a good book and NOTEBOOK and REAL LIVING magazines. It's going to be a big family holiday with 7 adults and 3 kids traveling, and though I am a little apprehensive because I haven't had such a family holiday before (the I had the entire family from my side going on a holiday together was when I was 5 or 6) I hope that life will slow down for that week. It gotta be, with 6 nights at such a place. Dream, oh how I wish I could turn the clock faster. Anyone been to the Margaret River region before? Suggestions on places to eat/visit?

Sunset Ocean Views To Yallingup

Enjoy the harmonious blends of ocean & valley vistas mixed with all the mod cons from this 4 bedroom, 2 bathroom spacious home with home theatre set on rural acreage in Yallingup. Spend languorous days captivated by the astounding panorama of the rolling green hills of Mt Duckworth all the way to the inviting blue waters of Yallingup, & in the evenings there's an abundance of room for the family to spread out.

Superb ocean views will allow you to gaze out into the endless ocean all day long & you will see some of the most magnificent sunsets imagined in this amazing elevated position.

The spacious open living / dining / kitchen area really takes advantage of the fantastic view through large glass windows and doors that lead out to the large entertaining alfresco with bar.

A comfortable lounge suite, large dining table, flat screen TV, slow combustion wood fire, down lights & beautiful timber floors feature in the open living area.

The kitchen boasts a huge island bench & quality stainless steel appliances including gas stove, oven & dishwasher that will enable the chef to prepare the next meal with ease.

The home theatre is ideal to watch a family movie together or just the place for the kids to play.

The main bedroom is double sized with walk-in robe & luxurious ensuite with spa bath & his & hers vanity; the minor bedrooms have built in robes, one with queen bed, two with three single beds in each.

An outdoor shower, garage & plenty of parking add to the features of this superb home.

Minimal traffic around this exclusive rural address attracts wildlife to your doorstep, and spectacular bush and oceans views make you feel right at home with the tranquil setting.

Located nearby to Petra Olive Café, Yallingup Wood Fired Bread House & Art Galleries and only a short drive to Yallingup beaches & to central Dunsborough, this location is sure to please

Date with Dad 2011

2011-01-06T13:15:00.000+10:00

Meal times

2010-12-31T07:54:00.004+10:00

Quite a number of people have been asking me how our meals are settled, and what I cook for the toddler. As we transited into our new place, one of the things I had to pick up once again was cooking for the family. Though it isn't something entirely new to me since I've done it for so many years in Australia, working full time in Singapore did become tad bit challenging since I no longer end work at 5pm (and as compared to 1 year+ ago in Australia, Janice no longer eats pre prepared puree that was frozen and reheated.

Since I realised that cooking meals for the family that includes a toddler, without helper at home and working full time is not too common, I thought I could blog down some simple routines and recipes. Recipes has to be pretty simple and fast since there is a toddler, hence meals have to be done before 7pm so that she doesn't "faint" of starvation, and also because we want some time to wind down and have her in bed before 9pm.

I would also need to give credit to a very supportive husband who firstly do not mind simple, healthy meals; and helps out to clean after meals, without fail. Then there is also my mom who is always ready to appear at my place with a spread of food every now and then which gives me tremendous respite, because her version of 1 meal can often last us 3-4 meals!

So here goes, I hope to be as coherent as I can be:

When cooking for the family:

Defrost meat in the fridge the night before

Morning:

Put the meat (e.g. Chicken) with some chopped veges/potatoes/black fungus/chinese mushrooms into the pot for stew. I use a thermos shuttle chef, so I will only need to quick boil is for 15mins (which during the time I can take my morning shower) and put it into the warmer. This way is super efficient for me because you come home to a pot of (still nice and hot) stew. My shuttle chef can contain 2 pots, so I can also cook a pot of soup (be it some old cucumber pork soup, radish, lotus root, variety of herbal soup) at the same time. So we come home to 2 pots of yummy stuffs.

This method has worked for me for its efficiency and you can have a huge variety of different stews depending on what you have in the fridge.

Sometimes I just marinate the meat and come back and steam/stir fry.

I set my rice cooker to cook rice the rice by 6pm. I usually throw in either pumpkin or sweet potato into the rice for added taste (Janice loves that, esp pumpkin(. And oh, have I mentioned that we have also switched to eating the healthier and yummier (in my opinion) unpolished rice.

I make it a point to finish work at 6pm and zip home by 6.30pm(I drive while Kelvin will pick Janice up from Childcare riding a bicylce, or they take a stroll with J in the stroller)

Once I get home, I will take out the portion of fish fillet (Usually Cod, threadfin, Salmon) and either steam it or throw it in the toaster oven with either soya sauce and ginger, or teriyaki sauce, or salt and pepper. Its very fast. The portion is usually a single portion enough for Janice, so it takes about 6-7 mins of steaming, or 10 mins in the toaster.

Meanwhile, I will also chop up a variety of vegetables and either stir fry or steam. I think I steam more often than anything because its cleaner and healthier. Vegetables range from Broccoli, cauliflower, baby corn, , Chinese/English Spinach or any green leafy vegetables, french beans... I will try as far as possible to have at least 2 kinds of vegies and the all time fave combi is Broccoli and Cauliflower. Janice normally has them just steamed and mixed into her rice (that already has the pumpkin or sweet potatoes) and we will have ours tossed in pre-made fried onions and some seasoning.

Dinner should be ready by 7pm. Janice will eat first while daddy washes up the pots, and we will have our dinner at around 7.30pm while Janice plays around the us.

The stews normally last Kel and I for 2 days, so with the other alternate days, I don't have to prepare anything in the morning, just set the rice cooker to cook the rice, and come home for the fish and vegetables. Sometimes I steam minced pork with stuffs like Zucchini.

When I visit the market (usually alternate weeks - I can buy the vege along the way in NTUC), the rule is simple: Vegetables with a variety of colors and I like veges that keeps longer); Meat wise I go for fool proof Kampung Chicken Thighs, Pork ribs that can be used for steaming, tender lean pork and Chicken rib cage that comes with either breast meat or meat on the back (for soup). Fish I will ask the fishmonger to go for larger fish so that bones are minimal and portion them into small portions enough for Janice (around 6x3cm) fillets. Occasionally I will buy a whole fish for the entire family. Meat and fish, I buy enough for at least 2 weeks. Everything will be packed into portions before I freeze them.

As you can see, everything runs pretty much clockwork because I don't usually have time for frills. 6-7pm every evening is my critical time. Therefore, as you can see, there aren't any photos of the food I cook, which I will try to take some to document it, so that the recipes make more sense. Ok, I must also admit that my recipes are not much of a recipe because there are no instructions. So before I find time to document recipe by recipe, if you have any questions, just drop me an email (or comment).

Though it is tiring at times, but it has been awesome to have family bonding time through meals at home, and knowing that it is tasty with healthy goodness is an added bonus :)

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

2010-12-26T14:17:00.002+10:00

We have been very blessed with the goodness and faithfulness of God. We look back at 2010 with gratitude for all He has provided us with. Transition back to Singapore has been challenging at times but we are amazed at the distance God has brought us through this year. Without the family support, friendship, Church and prayers, we wouldn't have been where we are today. So thank you, for all who are reading this. You have been awesome.

We pray that your Christmas this year will also be filled with the gratitude and thanksgiving; and His deep love for us. Most importantly, you will be filled with the hope for what is ahead, because we have received the best gift of His son Jesus Christ, and through Him we may have hope and an abundant life.

Merry Christmas, from the 3 of us. 2011 here we come :)

A Mental Note to Self on TODAY

2010-12-14T19:08:00.000+10:00

TODAY, I peered over my shoulders

And saw how envy eats my security away

TODAY,, I found the liberation

When I claim the unique plan God has coming my way

TODAY,, I realized the power of praise

Allows the Holy Spirit to have much of His Say

TODAY,, I chose to look ahead

By focusing my moment in Him everyday

More than Enough

2010-11-30T10:53:00.002+10:00

We had the joy of witnessing the marriage of one of my colleagues over the weekend. Throughout the service, I tear as I was reminded of God’s faithfulness, at the knowledge of His pleasure towards Godly marriages. I cried at the sweetness of the couple and enjoyed that moment of joy and love that lingered through the ceremony.

I couldn’t help but started to reflect upon my own marriage as I drove to work this morning.

I relived the moments we shared as husband and wife. I replayed the times of heartaches and conflicts; and also the moments of forgiveness. Great memories of our journey so far, our significant milestones all came to my mind.

The emotions evoked were pleasurable, but emotions will not stand through the test because we all know that marriage is never always on a bed of roses. After the honey sweet proposal and wedding songs will come the revelation of each others’ weaknesses. But God spoke in clarity that what He provides is more than enough.

I know that I have a tendency to fall into dissatisfaction and being critical at my own situations/my husband/myself. But I realized I could live with more conviction upon the provision of God in every area of my life. Convictions that can translate to a lasting joy that helps me look beyond the imperfections (marriage in this instance). I can rely on His love to provide the due encouragement and support I can give to the husband in good times and bad (I get frustrated at myself a lot when I wallow into this “critic” mode). I can look through His lenses and subject myself to God’s standards when I measure my husband in accordance to my selfish expectations. I can trust in God’s transformational power to change us to be more compatible each day as we grow in Christ likeness.

I paused at my carefully sliced piece of Sara lee cake packed in a little bag, knowing that though it was not a plate of right textured poached egg drizzled with hollandaise sauce, it was a piece of his love for me, that he bothered and remembered that breakfast mattered to me (though he is not always a very breakfast person). And this, is more than enough for me.

Seasons of Life

2010-11-12T18:10:00.003+10:00

I stumbled upon this article today. A question I have been prompted to pray through is: What season am I in?

I do not know the answer yet, because the truth is I have been too busy lately and have been more like a Mary than Martha. I know that and I am slowing down for the next 2 months. I am excited to seek the Lord and hopefully 2011 will be propelled by the knowledge of His plans for the season, at least glimpse! Pray with me if you could.

For the Young Mother: Ministry, Guilt, and Seasons of Life

By Jani Ortlund

Guilt is a young mother’s habitual shadow. It has a nasty way of soaking through many of her efforts at nurturing, serving and loving others. “Am I doing enough for my children? For others? What do they think of me? What does God think of me?”

As a young mother everyone wants something from you—your family, your church, your boss, your neighbor. And most likely, you give way more than you ever thought you could. But along the way guilt nibbles at your soul, eating away your inner peace and joy. And it often lingers through the years, even after your children are grown and gone.

Dear young mother, don’t waste your guilt!

DON’T WASTE YOUR GUILT

Don’t waste your guilt, but instead listen to it and evaluate it. Take it out of the shadows and examine it in the light of Scripture. Lay out your feelings before Christ. Is this guilt legitimate conviction of sin? Then confess your sin, receive his forgiveness and ask him where and how he wants you to change.

But maybe your guilt is a nagging, self-focused fear that if you were just a bit better or worked just a little harder, then you would be noticed and admired enough to feel okay about yourself. That is false guilt, rooted in pride. It will hurt your family and hinder your relationship with your grace-giving Father. If this describes your guilt, then remind yourself that through Christ’s death and resurrection, you’re accepted by God. The solution to false guilt, as to true guilt, is the gospel.

Paul speaks of these two kinds of guilt in 2 Corinthians 7:10. There is a godly grief that produces repentance, and a worldly grief that produces death. Ask yourself this question: is what I give my time and energies to driven by life-giving repentance or life-depleting pride?

A YOUNG MOTHER’S PRIMARY MISSION FIELD

One reason a young mother can feel wrongly guilty is that she forgets that her first and primary mission field must be her children.

God values children. He places great importance on our teaching our children to love and serve him (Deut. 6:7-9). Jesus became indignant when the disciples didn’t value the worth of children in God’s expanding kingdom (Mark 10:13-16). And God tells us that children are his blessing to us (Psalm 127:3).

Mothering calls for the best in us as women. As mothers, we shape the souls of our children and ultimately influence the world. Children are our gift to the future. So accept your calling from God to serve your family. It is not godly guilt that would call you away from a wholehearted investment in your little ones for his sake. Don’t feel guilty over making your children your primary ministry investment when they are young. You are teaching the younger generation to form intimate emotional bonds with others. Your sensitivity, availability, devotion, affection, and unhurried attention are irreplaceable.

MOTHERING: PLAIN HARD WORK

On the other hand, Paul’s word to me as an older woman is to “train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled” (Tit. 2:4-5).

Why does the apostle have to tell us older women to teach these things to the younger women? Because it can be hard to love your husband and children. In fact, it can be easier to minister outside the home. Why is it more rewarding for us to plan a ladies’ retreat for two hundred women than it is to plan an indoor picnic with our preschoolers on a rainy afternoon? I think it’s because the rewards are more immediate and the demands are not so steady.

Being a young mother is plain hard work. At times it feels like slave labor! Young moms can identify with the cartoon of a toddler looking at a wedding album with his daddy and saying, “So that’s the day Mommy came to work for us!”

But God has called you to this ministry. He knows there are no neutral moments in a young child’s life, whose experience is one of continuous need and development. Your children will bear the imprint of your mothering throughout their lives because much of human behavior springs from imitation.

You are the only mother your children have. Your ministry to them is the deepest expression of your love for them. Raising your children has to be done right the first time around. It is one of the few places in life where you can not say, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”

You have received this commission from God. As a mother your privilege is to teach them how to respect their daddy and be kind to their siblings, how to choose good nutrition and wholesome entertainment, why they should value courtesy and orderliness, and which causes are worthy of their efforts, their reputations, and even their very blood.

Are you discouraged as you spend day after day immersed in the mundane tasks of mothering? Then think of the honor of guiding the spiritual and intellectual and social development of young minds and hearts. Think of the thrill of teaching them eternal truths from God’s Word. Think of the importance of teaching your young children how to live under authority, and of preparing them for future relationships by teaching them about love and trust. Think of the delight of sending one more godly, vibrant, strong, secure, loving young person into this needy world with the courage to live well for Christ’s sake. What a worthy investment!

WHAT YOUNG MOTHERS NEED: A HEART FOR THE HOME

Another challenge for a young mother is cultivating a love for the home.

God has called us to love our children from home base (Tit. 2:4-5). We can’t improve upon God’s design! This means more than staying at home. It means fixing your heart on your home. Women can leave their homes through more avenues than work or outside ministry. Cell phones, emails, and chat rooms can take a mother away from her primary ministry, too.

Ministry means being “all there.” It means rejoicing that you get to show your children how to peddle a tricycle, make their bed, build good memories, and share their toys with others. You serve your family, and ultimately your heavenly Father, by helping your child do that puzzle for the seventeenth time, by washing those sticky fingers, by planting a little garden, by acting out Bible stories and praying together, and by preparing for their daddy’s return as the highlight of your day!

What is the alternative? “A child left to himself disgraces his mother” (Prov. 29:15).

Remember this: you have the privilege of passing on to young hearts a sense of God! Should you feel guilty for that? As you let your children experience intimacy, nearness, and availability in their earliest years with you, you can point them to find those soul-necessities in Christ, their Savior, as they mature. And then you have the delight of sending them out with a light in their souls to bless this darkened world.

Someone is going to be influencing your children, inculcating values and imprinting standards on their impressionable young minds. Let it be you!

THIS SEASON IS JUST A SEASON

Does this mean you will never invest in others outside your family? Goodness, no. But if you are a young mother, use your primary ministry of mothering to guide your choices about where to serve Christ now. Don’t let anything woo you away from your unique role as a wife and mother.

This season in your life is just that—a season. And each season is a divine calling from our Creator and King. Organizing a new church event is important. Teaching your little boy to be kind to his sister is also important. But which one can best be done by you during this season? Serve God well by ministering to your children first. Very soon they will be grown and gone and all those uniquely teachable moments will be gone. And you will have ample opportunity to serve Christ outside your home in the seasons ahead.

“But you, take courage! Do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded” (2 Chronicles 15:7).

Jani Ortlund is a former schoolteacher and holds a master’s degree in education. She is the author two books, Fearlessly Feminineand His Loving Law, Our Lasting Legacy. Jani is the wife of Dr. Raymond Ortlund, Jr.

July/August 2010
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Milestone thoughts

2010-11-09T18:28:00.001+10:00

I remembered on the 12^th September 1999, my life took a turn. I accepted Jesus into my heart and life was never the same again. It was like I found a compass, is that what it is called? It’s the one that has a needle on one arm and the other arm attached to a pencil and you can draw perfect circles with that? Well it kind of felt that way. I found a centre point and as much as I could, I drew my life around it.

Fast forward 7.5 years later, on the 12^th of May 2007, I made a vow to a man, till death do us part. About 1.5 years after that, God gave us one of the most amazing gift ever, packaged with no instructions manual or whatsoever. A product of God’s blessings and our love, we held our first born in our hands. It was such a surreal experience. Pregnancy, 48 hrs of labor, emergency C-section, I actually can’t quite recall anymore. And our dear daughter turned TWO one week ago, the Terrific/Terrible Twos! I listed a couple of milestones in my life just to show the major turning points, with each turn for the better, but not exactly “easier”. I mark milestones, because it reminds me how thankful I am, that I found Jesus first and with Him as my focal, I can thread on unknown grounds with hope and confidence.

Janice turning 2 marked another milestone of my journey as a parent. Though I still feel like such a novice, these 2 years have made me a slightly wiser and “sturdy”. But there’s always this “can I make it” question nagging at the back of my mind. I said to the husband yesterday, parenting will only get harder. Our day to day decisions, speech and actions are going to be more impactful on her from now on, at least until she’s about 21. For the minutes following, I could feel literally the weight and the burden that was hard to shake off, but as I prayed a word came loud and clear. To “INSTRUCT with HIS WORD”. I may fall short with my weaknesses and flaws. I can never be a perfect parent and we 100% right. But I have a manual that may not be specific to any particular product, but yet it is useful for teaching, rebuking and training in righteousness, and that we can thoroughly be equipped by it. Continue to instruct with His word because it will never go wrong.

Parenting 201, here I come.

Determined

2010-10-19T18:14:00.000+10:00

I guess I knew all along that my daughter is a fighter. Since a week old, she endured catheter insertion and many needles pricking. Her cries, you know mean business. Either “mom you better strip off and start feeding me NOW”, or “I need my diapers changed!”

So over the weekend, I had an opportunity to witness Janice’s fighting spirit, in an environment unfamiliar to her. We brought her to the Marina Sq indoor playground. She went to the top to get her turn on the slide to find an over aged boy sitting there blocking the slide, bossing people around. She stood there and said “ehhhcu Meee (excuse me)” a couple of times to this boy more than 5 times her size. In a matter of seconds came flooded with many more children in all shapes and sizes, all bigger than she is. They crowded IN FRONT of her trying to make their way to the entrance of the slide. The little girl was so frustrated at these kids oblivious of what queuing up means. She start scratching her head vigorously, and let out this shout “arrrgggghhhhh”. Not whinging, no tears but a loud roar like shout. Even I was taken a back, so being the softie I tried to coax her to jump off the structure and come with me, she turned and looked at me “NO, the slide!” she found daddy’s hand reaching out to her in a distance, grabbed his hand and yanked herself forward past at least 4-5 kids, plonked herself on the slide and came down, satisfied.

She has decided she wanted to go on the slide. Determined she was, no one could stop her. Daddy was so proud of her.

Just a funny little post

2010-09-22T18:31:00.001+10:00

Very focused in applying her moisturizer sparingly

Thrilled! I've got moisturizer!

I have a little girl who goes through very peculiar phases.

It’s the moisturizer phase now. She will request for moisturizer, and we would have to squirt some on to both her palms.

In which, she will hold it up in highest honor and NO ONE must touch or take that away from her. You can suggest gently for her to apply it on her face, she will sometimes take heed and dot some on, but very very sparingly. She will say “I want a bit more please” and beg you to squirt some more. She will continue on with life for the next 45 mins with her hands held up like a worshipful way. Very ginger in taking her steps, afraid her precious moisturizer would be smeared some where. Even to nap, she would ask for help so that you can place her nicely on the pillow, while her hands still held up high. My mom even took pity on her and placed 2 bolsters under her arms so that they are supported. Just like Aaron and Hur. She asks for her moisturizer 1^st thing when she wakes up, and gave a pleased smile when explained that the moisturizer hasn’t disappeared but absorbed into her, now very moisturized skin (except that it’s only very moisturized on her palms)

This little girl, is my dear daughter, Janice. And Janice, mom’s writing this so that 20 years later, you can laugh with us, your peculiarity and not be appalled by your kids in future because of their strange behaviors. I am sure I was only half as strange as you, but you know such things always evolve quite a bit J

Nevertheless, you were still duper cute.

Being domestic

2010-09-20T18:14:00.000+10:00

9 months back in Singapore, I miss being domestic most!

I was used to a life where I did most meals home cooked. Past few months have been nomadic, though I have enjoyed home cooked meals at mom’s place, but to me, meal time is one of my important avenues to build a family culture. Without having meals at home, I feel some what displaced and cannot orientate my life properly. I feel the lack of space and opportunity for that magical connection that can take place, with my hubby, my kid (hopefully will turn plural in time to come).

I actually look forward to rush home from work so that I can whip a meal so that our little family can unwind over the dinner table. Nothing spectacular, just a nice simple warm meal. Thereafter, I think we can be re-energised, be it spending some quality family time or catch up some work or head off for ministering/meetings.

This, I hope will be in near future. I can’t wait to move into our new place. To gratify myself a little, I decided to pen down what I usually need in my little pantry.

What should be in my pantry:

Oil

- normal cooking oil (canola)

- olive oil

- grape seed oil

- sesame oil

Chinese sauces

- light soya

- dark soya

- vinegar

- Chinese cooking wine

- Steam fish soya sauce

Others:

- balsamic vinegar

- tomato paste

- white/red wine when needed

- seasoning herbs – Rosemary, thyme, basil and parsley

- stand-by udon/egg noodles; dried pasta

- onions

- garlic

In the fridge:

- olive butter

- Goma salad dressing

- Fresh herbs will be nice

- Sambal chili

- Eggs

- Pre chopped up garlic (do up in batches)

Freezer:

All pre packed into portions

- bones for soup

- lean pork

- chicken thighs with and without bones

- mince beef

- fish (portioned) – either cross section cut up, big fish tail

Vegetables and fruits on the go

Unashamed-Starfield Lyrics

2010-09-13T20:02:00.000+10:00

Marriage thoughts 1.1

2010-09-09T17:07:00.003+10:00

Got a mail from a friend sharing us with this link. Very timely and appropriate.

One of the toughest thing being parents is to keep the marriage, fresh, passionate, and purposeful. I saw how some some families could put their entire energy to revolve life around children, But I also believe that the greatest gift any parent could give to their children is their love for one another. But any couples would agree with me that as much as it require great efforts to make marriage thrive, it takes doubly hard work when kids come along. In the past, if the schedule ever gets to choking for us to handle, we can always just take a day off from work and spend some time with each other, sleep in, breakfast by the beach, dip our feet in the cool waters and catch a late show. Spend the day just talking and catching up. Most times, taking a breather together helps put things back i place. These days, I take an organised "off day" very seriously, careful planning, but at the same time taking things with a pinch of salt, because unplanned things can always happen. Take last week for example, Janice fell sick on 1st Sept, a day I planned to spend some unhurried time with both the husband and daughter. Instead, we spent half a day in the clinic, and the other half a day, fighting a war. Oh and the last time we took a Fri Night/Saturday morning off, to sleep in and sneak off like dating couples for a breakfast whilst Janice spends the night with my mom, only to receive a dozen calls saying she's got fever. So nowadays, either one of us will be sick, just taking turns and to what extent.

Rough patches are inevitable to keep us sharpening each other, and each day, we strive better to be for each other. All in all, marriage (and parenting) teaches us to be less of ourselves and more for others on a daily basis. How we relate and love each other on a day to day basis becomes so important! Walk the talk daily, and I mean literally talk. Communicate, share and be truthful about our feelings. I hope I can give an 18 pointers one day, but my 3 pointers for my personal reminders are:

Do not assume the motivation of the husband's based on the outward action/speech - Give benefit of the doubt first
Always Respect
Learn to forgive and be generous to love

Grace’s 18 Lessons

Make time with Jesus your first priority, husband second priority.
Be intimate often.
Be willing to have hard and honest conversations, and pray for Jesus to make them fruitful.
Pray for wisdom often.
The enemy is always ready to divide you during trials. Don’t let him; cling to Jesus and each other.
Forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive …
Don’t enable his sin, but pray for wisdom in timing and words, and be respectful when addressing it.
Be a woman of inner and outer beauty.
Make your home a place of retreat and rest.
Study your husband, appreciate, value and respect him, especially when you don’t “feel” like it.
HAVE FUN.
Pray against lies. Memorize the truth of scripture.
Spend regular, meaningful time together. Invest in the relationship.
Don’t let bitterness set in if you are hurt or frustrated; dig up the root and pray it through.
Be an attentive and available listener.
Be teachable and willing to submit.
Set your heart and body toward your husband and don’t let either wander.
Repent often and allow trustworthy people to speak into your lives.

.

Pastor Mark’s 18 lessons after the jump:

Pastor Mark’s 18 Lessons

Spiritual

1. Stay in church community and under godly authority.
2. Stay in your Bible and always have at least a few good Christian books you are reading.
3. Be the spiritual leader by praying with your family, modeling followership of Jesus, repenting of sin, teaching your family, etc.
4. Serve your family and serve others as a family.

Family

5. Pick a good potential mom and grandma for a wife.
6. If she respects you, the kids will too. If she does not, your family will be a grief to you.
7. Work with her to make the home, holidays, vacations, and other times filled with fun, laughter, and memories.
8. Just get through the rough seasons (sickness, demanding newborns, tough work seasons, extended family troubles, e.g.) by God’s grace.

Financial

9. Find an honest way to make enough money to give to God, be generous with others, and take care of your family.
10. Spend some money to make her life easier (dependable car, babysitting help, decent home, e.g.)

Practical

11. Try to make her laugh a lot and touch her heart and soul before you touch her body.
12. She’s not a guy, does not want to be treated like a guy, spoken to like a guy, or do what guys do.
13. She will sanctify you. It’s not her fault that your sin is obvious in relationship with her as she’s not changing you, but rather exposing you.
14. Syncing schedules is key: meet every week to organize your life together and plan out your life as one so you don’t live parallel lives.
15. Date night is important so make it happen, ideally every week.
16. Her needs change, especially when she becomes a mother, so look for new ways to humbly serve her.
17. Encouragement is to a wife as water is to a plant.
18. Every year gets better by the grace of God. Keep pressing forward together using the gospel to repent, forgive, and become more like Jesus.

Source: http://blog.marshillchurch.org/2010/08/15/18-lessons-from-18-years-of-marriage/

Staying Home

2010-09-04T17:47:00.002+10:00

With Janice still recovering from Influenza, I've been home a lot. Working off my laptop, spending some really good time with the little princess. It's actually very nice, and I am starting to get the hang of the ad hoc hours that I can grab while she's napping. Sometimes, squeezing some flow charts out whilst she gets herself entertained by the I-Phone.

The funny thing I realized, ideas are coming, some work actually gets done. I am really enjoying it, except that it is baking hot in my mom's place. With the split multiple levels, it's hard to be at the kitchen, watching her play, catch some emails all at one time. I can't wait to move into our new place. I so love smaller apartments (flats) where multiple activities can take place at one glance. Please God, let October come soon please!

I thank God for some flexibility at my work place, who puts priority in family, and strongly propagate a trust culture. So I do get some glimpse of working from home and I certainly look forward to a new job arrangement when I do move into our own little nest, so stay tune!

Conversations with Janice

2010-08-30T14:40:00.001+10:00

Daddy: Who’s daddy’s favorite?

Janice: Momma and Janice!

*Awwwww

Janice: (Pointing to my bag) Momma’s bag!

Me: yah, it’s my bag

Janice: Open! Please ….

Me: Why? No need to open la …

Janice: Open! Please …. I want momma’s phone (flashed a very sweet and angelic smile)

*power of I-phone

Janice: I want milk ….

Me: Sorry darling, I didn’t bring it out

Janice: (pouts) its milk milk time ….

Me: (checks the watch, it’s 9pm, it’s really her milk time) Uh oh ….

2 years less 2 months

2010-08-30T14:29:00.002+10:00

Writing about you darling is one of the things that is keeping this blog alive at the moment. Our recent weeks have been completely filled with visits from friends, getting ready for our new place, church ministry and basically living like a nomad shuttling between 2 residences. But I am really looking forward to move to our own place pretty soon and provide you with a little more stability. I must say you have been extremely good these days, very happy to be home, happy to be staying over at “popo’s” place, happy to be out. There will be instances when you spent the entire day out and would request that you want to go back to popo’s place. Very cute J Well at least I know that perhaps you won’t be the “cheong cheong” sort la and would know when to come home, to know that home will always be your refuge, a place where you can unload your burdens and know that you will always be accepted. We love you so much baby.

Your recent developments:

You take great ownership in your possessions and would make sure we guard all our items. Dad’s bag needs to be held by dad, mom’s drink only drank by mom, in a particular cup etc. I think it’s a passing phase, sometimes its funny but sometimes I pull my hair J one interesting to note is that you observe the tiniest details, yah, down to that extra rim around the cup

You express yourself quite well. Though you don’t speak a thousand words, but you somehow manage the one or two couple with some sentences, pointing and nodding

You still love to say “I don’t want”

You love the time before bedtime as long as you get both mom and dad (You also make sure that there’re no other “intruders”)

You eat very well after a nap, all by yourself. So well that even food court aunties gather around to ask how old you are. Very strange, because it looked a little like “feeding time” minus the photo-taking.

Janice, you’ve become one very affection little girl that many look forward to spend time with you. The way you beam to your “cow fool: (uncle) and your eagerness to be with your little friends and cousins is endearing. My prayer to God is for His wisdom to guide you through your strengths and weaknesses, so that you can have the full freedom to be who you are and the person God has called you to be.

It’s always refreshing to see you daily, in this age where there’s no pretence. Your child-likeness that allows you to trust those whom you know love you dearly. You wide eyed wonder in your expression that tells me things in life intrigues you daily.

I love you my little pumpkin. Happy 22 months!

Love Momma

21 Months

2010-08-06T19:09:00.000+10:00

My dearest Chuppachupps,

I am terribly late at this post since you turned 21 months a week ago. 3 more months you will turn 2! Another milestone for you and another reason for us to celebrate God’s gift to us – You!

You celebrated the day you turned 21 months with your very very good friend, Alicia. It was so much fun for us to watch both of you shopping and communicating in your own ways. You definitely had heaps more fun playing with her this time round as compared to 8 months ago and it just shows how much you have grown!

This month, you’ve started stringing words into clearer sentences. Mostly to express what you want or not want. Like “I want noodles, I want mama and daddy” and “I don’t want” It’s been funny hearing you count too, because instead of 1,2, 3 … or sometimes accidentally skipping some numbers in the past, you’ve started counting like this: pointing up to the starts you started “twooo, fourrr, shix, eight, TEN”

You shocked both daddy and me one day when you actually remembered a shop when you’ve beePublish Postn in it once. You remembered that the shop is 2 levels (though you can’t see the stairs at the doorway) because the moment you entered in, you said “upstairs” and “chey chey” because you remembered going to the shop with Alicia and you two had great fun shopping and trying on bags in the shop.

You are also very assertive in expressing your desires, something that both daddy and me are trying to discipline ourselves to be consistent in teaching you good attitudes and control. Sometimes we get lazy and give in to you.

You’ve been a real fun companion especially when we go out together over the weekends. Your cheekiness and funny personality cracks us up all the time. You’ve been a lot more independent by eating your meals yourself when you’re out (we still have to supervise you since you’d often end up playing with your food) but you generally very good.

You fell quite sick this month, worst case of fever you ever had but we pray that all these will only make you stronger. Your ability to stay cheerful and happy through the time you were having fever really made us

Thank God for making you such a tough little one. We were definitely less stressed because of your cheerful deposition.

You’ve also grown to like prayer. Each time we pray, you will put down everything (or make us hold whatever items that were originally in your hands) so that you have clasp them together and bow your head. We pray that you will be a prayer warrior, and to find rest, purpose and satisfaction in His presence through prayer.

I love you little pumpkin,

Mummy

Aftershock - A movie review

2010-08-06T16:35:00.005+10:00

We were offered free tickets to the sneak preview of “Aftershock” (thus I had to write a review) because it was mentioned as a film that portrayed strong family values. The impact of the film went beyond expectations. 2^nd day after the show, the scenes are still replayed and emotions still lingers.

The movie, a tear-jerker about a family torn apart by the 1976 Tangshan earthquake and reunited years later in the aftermath of the 2008 Sichuan earthquake. A story of choices, regrets and trauma, the story gripped the audience with the reality of natural disasters and touched the hearts with anguish, love and sacrifices.

Yuan Ni lost her husband and lover when he dashed into the building to save their twins. In the chaotic scene, the twins were found under the same debris and Yuan Ni was left with a choice to save only one. Her words to save the younger brother crushed both her heart and her daughter, Deng’s for the next 32 years.

Unknown to Yuan Ni, Deng survived the ordeal and was later adopted. Though separated, both mother and daughter were plagued not by the horrors of the disaster but by lost, regrets and unforgiveness. 32 years down, 2008 Sichuan earthquake reunited Deng and her brother, both due to their own experience put down everything to volunteer as rescuers. It took this major disaster that eventually reunited the family again.

“Aftershock” is a powerful movie that captured scenes that can strike deep in the viewers’ hearts. Family and love were reflected not through the usual sacrifices for one another but amplified itself through the crevices of hearts that were shattered - A mother’s love that would carry the burdens of her children, dead or alive; the fragility of lives at the mercy of disasters; the loyalty between husbands and wives despite the harshest conditions; the power of letting go and forgiveness. Not many words were used but the director painted each scene that speaks a thousand words.

Though the disaster scenes may not be the most realistic, the tightness of the storyline did not leave much space to dwell on that. The movie was not exaggerated into a soapy drama, but there were countless scenes that tears and sniffles were not spared. It was a heartfelt movie, powerful and emotional. The stories of love, family and relationships, you will grieve with them, and be encouraged and uplifted with them too.

The "NUGGET" of truth

2010-07-20T12:03:00.002+10:00

The truth is this: I think Janice has more of Kel's genes than mine. The nugget on Sunday spoke it all. See right, I was pretty flat out over the weekend, so I presented Janice with a plate of Ikea nuggets and chips for dinner. She "wowed" and went on to give the biggest grin after a bite on the nugget. What a contrast to her scrunched up face when she tasted my carrot and celery juice!

The 20 months old chuppachupps

2010-07-01T11:33:00.003+10:00

Yes you are the little chuppachupps because you're such a sweetie my darling. You turned 20 months yesterday and the past few months, you've really learnt to shower both daddy and I with your sweetness.
You're full of kisses and cuddles; Each day when I return back from work, your sparkles makes me feel like the luckiest mom around. One endearing thing this month is that you've learnt to shout for daddy at night instead of just crying out for me. You still do, but most times, you call out with such want for daddy that made him ever ready to go to you when you do cry at night. I get my sleep this way and daddy really got his love tank filled up! :)
One quality I've noticed is your keen ability to observe. Be it observe the emotional climate of people around or observe before you make you move to befriend others. Also you're able to observe before you pick up a toy or puzzle so you get a hang of it pretty quickly.
Lately the naugthy corner has been introduced in a more consistent way. Though you've tried to pushed you boundaries, naughty corner has been an effective way to help you learn to listen to instructions.
Each day is passing by too quickly and I miss you when I am at work too. I wonder many times if I am doing enough for you, but watching you grow in independence both emotionally and physically brings joy to me.
I love you darling, and I pray for God to be more real to you each and everyday.

What Motherhood does to you

2010-06-24T01:34:00.005+10:00

We were at a marriage workshop last night and the speaker highlighted that breast-feeding causes the nursing mothers to be flooded with oxytocin. You know that kind of feeling that nothing matters in the world except the bond between the baby and the mother. Through the course of nursing Janice in the earlier months, I had too many cases of mastitis and the sleep depravity then, I couldn't remember much of those moments. But what motherhood does to mothers is that you just don't remember the pain. Pains of labour, pains in breast feeding, sleep depravity .... few years down the track, you look at the photos, you look into her eyes, and those pinchable cheeks, those "bring it on again" feeling actually comes back.

You at the photos, I think, man ... what have I done to deserve this???

Oh, but I do want to take back the sleep depravity part. That one, I still pray and wish that I could skip that phase. God, please make babies sleep like babies should be.

On the point Obedience

2010-06-23T13:52:00.002+10:00

There are many items on our list that we are deliberating with God. We know that moving back to Singapore was only the start of many things to come. Kel and I are made very differently. He will be the one to suggest a move, a change, something new, something to explore. I will be the "what about this, what about that? Have we considered this etc" With my minute vision and brain space, I take a while to comprehend what God can do or is doing. I often see from my perspective, weigh the opportunity cost, I do mental calculations, I relent and classified some decisions under the "tough choices" category.

Today God spoke to me through this passage of 1 Sam 15:22

"Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as obeying the voice of the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams" 1 Sam 15:22

So a note to self: It is not about how much I can give or let go. It is about the careful listening of His voice and obey with my entire being.
This makes perfect sense to me and I look forward to see how HIS plans intertwines in a perfect way. I don't have to get the picture all the time.

God of this City - Chris Tomlin

2010-06-22T17:29:00.000+10:00

The Man of our lives

2010-06-21T15:31:00.007+10:00

This year's Fathers' Day happens to coincide with the husband's Big 3-0 birthday too. So my dearest husband, this post is especially for you.

So, you're officially a year older than me :) but I thank God, many a times you're wiser, more stable and great leader to me (although there are many instances that I deny that heh!)

Once upon a time, while I was dreaming of my perfect prince charming, I had in mind a man who will love God, love me and my family. A man whom I'd desire having kids with because I know he will love and sacrifice for the family. It was a dream, and I will not break the bubble here, because the dream is a reality!

Darling, you may be "weak" in many ways. You may not have the patience you (or I) desire to have daily. You may not have the skills all the time to love and to discipline. You may not be armed with a 100% aware system that captures every pee and poo, every cry and expectations from your women. But I love you for who you are, because you've chosen God, and chosen us every single time. No matter how tired, disappointed or how badly you wanted to be at the soccer field.

Thank you for listening to us and to our cries (literally, especially Janice's in the middle of the night. Actually mine often happens late in the night to!). Thank you for your wholehearted commitment to us. Thank you for always agreeing when people say you're blessed with 2 women in your life, in actual fact, we're more than blessed. Thank you for cuddling us tight no matter how many times we've pushed you away. Thank you for being the man of our lives, now and forever.

Happy Birthday and Happy Fathers' Day. We love you too .....

P.s. We're committed to bless you with our company in every world cup season, okay la... more than that .... :)

19 months

2010-06-09T12:06:00.004+10:00

Hey Baby,

You've turned 19 months more than a week ago. You've got to slow down because I am barely catching up!

I was back late last night and you waited for. As I was putting you to bed, you wanted to be cradled like a baby, just the way I used to cradle you when you were a little baby, only with your legs dangling out, and you weigh a tonne more! As I as cradling you, you were so happy that you kept giggling infectiously. I couldn't help it but to join in (though I was trying to keep a straight face so that you'd go to bed), and both of us giggled to our hearts' content, till you slowly drifted off to dreamland - almost, till you shuffled yourself back to your own bed and dozed off. It was such a priceless moment, to cradle you ... I remembered those experienced mummie telling me when you were young and I was only a "novice", to cherish your baby moments. In my sleep depravity, tired arms, unfinished housework, I could only manage a slight smile thinking they must have forgotten how it felt like to be caring for a young baby. But they are right, i needed to cherish more because you're growing up way too quickly now (such a cliche, I know) but I was right too, they have forgotten how hard, because I can't quite remember it now too.

I ought to cherish now, that you still enjoy me smothering over you, cradling you. Now you still look to me like I am a perfect angel (right, except the times when I was disciplining you). I Pray that I will not miss this window, to build this bond with you, that years down the road even when you're married with kids, you can still come back to my embrace where we can still giggle to our hearts' content.

Love,

Mummy

My hopes for You.

2010-06-07T16:47:00.002+10:00

To all who comes to this space, here are my hopes for you and your family ...

I pray that your intimacy with God will be even closer and that your motivation for doing what you do will be influenced by your conversation with Him rather than the latest fads and programs.
You would find a really close friend - someone you can trust to hold you accountable and one who allows you the privilege of genuine honesty.
I ask God to remove those roadblocks in your ministry that would prohibit you from finding the fulfillment you desire, and to bring about healing in any relationships around you that cause you to be anxious and fearful.
I challenge you to "speak your word with boldness," and I long for you to experience within your labors"miraculous signs and wonders through the name of your holy servant, Jesus" (Acts 4:29,30)
I envision you falling in love with your call all over again, and find great satisfaction in a servant/shepherd relationship with the people you minister to. Love them!
I beg you to let your own family know how valued they are by you ... and, from time to time, to ask them how they are doing.

"not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant - not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life." 2 Corinthians 3:5-6

In Jesus name, Amen
Adapted from H.B. London

A season completed and many more new ones to come

2010-06-07T14:33:00.004+10:00

I was reminded of the song that was played as I walked down the aisle, many months back. It was a worship song that has spoken so much to me in the months leading up to the wedding. I remembered the time when I was hit with so much uncertainties that really paralysed me. I wasn't confident to be a wife, I wasn't confident of the decision to get married, I felt like a child, faced with a life stage that seemed way to big for me to handle. God reminded me that the marriage covenant is next in after the covenant I have with Jesus Christ. I felt excited but overwhelmed. Could I trust the then husband to be? Could I trust myself in this commitment? Could I allow him to take the lead and support and submit like a Proverbs 31 wife?

It was a season where God really worked a very critical area in my relationship with Him ~ Trust. To trust Him in every season, every step. That I can trust to keep the marriage vows, and trust in the man of my life, because of Him. It was such a breakthrough and the strength I received from His word is still empowering me daily to this date, in good and trying days alike.

Here I am oh God, I bring this sacrifice - My Open Heart

I Offer up my life, I look to you Lord, Your Love that never ends, Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you Lord, In your strength will I breakthrough Lord

Touch me now, let your Love fall down on me,

And I will be Complete in You.

Here I am oh God, I bring this sacrifice - My Open Heart

I Offer up my life, I look to you Lord, Your Love that never ends, Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you Lord, And by faith I will walk on Lord

Then I'll see, beyond my calvary one day,

And I will be be Complete in ...

So I lift my eyes to you Lord, In your strength will I breakthrough Lord,

Touch me now, let your Love fall down on me,

I know your Love dispels all my fears

Through the storm I will hold on Lord,

And I pray, I will hold on Lord.

Then I'll see, beyond my calvary one day

And I will be Complete in You.

"Complete" - Parachute Band

As I reflect upon the lyrics, I was reminded of my position and who I am in Christ. I am terribly thankful for the seasons He has brought me through since then. To be thankful and confident of where I am this moment, to know that I am where I am meant to be and to have married the man He has for me. Thank you, Jesus.

In this quiet space

2010-06-03T16:37:00.003+10:00

This space has been very quiet lately (we're still alive!) for a couple of reasons:

I am quite a boring person and I have nothing much to write about
I am too lazy plus I have not much inspiration to write
I haven't had much time to think
last month has been quite a crazy, eventful month: HK trip, a work conference in KL and a family retreat at Bintan, Janice started childcare

BUT I still must say, GOD'S been very good. We're all well, and I hope to get inspired by the Holy spirit more through the daily nits and grits. AND Janice is a super cutie pie and she's turned 19months.

I Love this!

2010-05-13T19:27:00.003+10:00

Oh I love this! The burst of colors, the prints on the fabric. Imagine Janice dressed in this, the best part of having daugthers :) There is something about the oriental look of this that makes it so cute! Check out all the little outfits here and enjoy the happy little outfits. And I am so hoping to win this raffle!

3 years and on

2010-05-13T11:23:00.004+10:00

It's been 3 years since we made our vows to each other. Many things have changed over the years, one thing for sure, our sizes! and of course an addition of Janice to our lives, and because of that, each day continues to evolve as we learn to adapt and grow. Growing as parents and as the best cheerleader, friend and lover towards each other.

Marriage is exciting. Like an adventure ride. I no longer need anything else to feed into my adrenalin, being a wife and a mother is more than adequate. In fact some sedatives occasionally could be helpful :) 3 years, we have figured each others' strengths and weakness, sometimes applauding our differences and of course there will be times when we had many hair pulling frustrating occasions. Through it all, I am glad to say love has been deepened and bond strengthened. I'd never want this journey to be with another because despite our imperfections, we are perfect for each other.

3 years. Very insignificant as I chatted with my colleague who celebrated her 30th anniversary. I wonder how we'd be like then. We both share the sentiments of how we hope to be like, and I feel terribly loved to know that we're walking there hand in hand.

A good laugh, a good cry, a friendly hug, a passionate time. Words of kindness, words of love. a tight squeeze of the hand, a hug.These are some of my favorite things in the marriage. Most of all, I love the husband because without him, all these would be some random ingredients, but he made it come to reality for me, and to that I am super blessed.

Thank you dear, for you have been so loving and so giving. Thank you for trying in the most impossible time, thank you for standing by. Thank you for bringing me that bottle of water each night no matter how sleepy you are. Thank you for staying up so that I can fall asleep before the symphony starts, and for showering earlier in the morning so that I could sleep in that teeny bit more.Thank you for accepting me and because of that, it's given me so much strength to face what's ahead.

One of the biggest thing I've learnt is to love with God's love and to give with God's strength. May I continue to honour God and this marriage (and family) through LOVING in His way:

Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Oh, we celebrated the day in such a relaxing way. Dropped Janice off at Childcare, we headed for a leisurely breakfast. Shopped around, had a massage (for the 1st time in my life), dinner and back. Nice, such days are rare when you have a kid! :)

18 Months old Janice

2010-05-09T01:28:00.004+10:00

Dear Janice,

This is you, taken in Hong Kong a couple of days after you've turned 18 months. Each time I find clothes that you've outgrown, I just can't help feeling nostalgic. It seems like yesterday, but yet memories of your little'ness seem some what vague too. There has been just so much to absorb since the day you came into our life, and everyday and the talking point at the end of each day has always been what you've learnt/grown that very day.

Though there has been so much changes and so many phases in just this short 18 months, there are many things that hasn't changed.

Stuffs like how much I love the smell of you hair, how I love to smother you with kisses and hugs, how you melt my heart each time you break into lovely smiles, how I love to fiddle and hold you little fingers.

I wonder when I will live beyond the Parenting 101. I thank God each day that you're still thriving and often wonder why God would entrust someone so precious into our hands. How to discipline, how to love, how to nurture, what to do, what to feed, what to say? such questions are almost perpetual. 18 months, I've loved, smothered, encouraged, praised, scolded, threathened, yelled at you. I've felt guilty, overwhelmed, frustrated and angry. But above all, I've felt blessed, sometimes so overwhelmed (in a good way) that I can almost melt into a blob of jelly, and very privilege to have this opportunity to be called a mom.

Thank you love, the way you've grown each day reminds me daily that God is faithful and always at work. When dusk fall and when all is silent and peaceful, I would hear a small still voice saying "I'm in control".

This 18 months have been an amazing journey.Look at you! How much you've grown!

I love you precious, May you continue to have this larger than life attitude and pursue God to the fullest.

Love, Mummy

Check out the cheeky little munchkin

2010-04-20T15:55:00.000+10:00

The sleep regression.

2010-04-15T13:58:00.002+10:00

I am just needing a place to rant about this. Maybe after a couple of minutes of ranting I will feel much better and my sleep depravity will be compensated a little. I hope.

There's a real regression taking place now. I remember very vaguely (our wonderful memory is pretty much selective) the early days when Janice was born. The sleepless nights, the insecurity of not knowing if tonight is the "night" when there will be endless feeding (and worshipping God in desperation). God was good, that period of time came and passed pretty quickly on hind sight. It always feels this way, when you're at it, it's eternity. But really, I think we would consider ourselves pretty fortunate parents because Janice learnt to fall asleep on her own at 7pm and will sleep through about 6 hours straight since she was 2 months old. God knew how much we could take, so there was even minimal sleep training involved, it just happened.

Sleep is a precious commodity which we still try as much as we can to guard it, and make sure it happens for both the baby and us. So we have simple routines, that as she grew older, which increasing understanding and mobility, been more flexible than when she was a wailing baby. Janice is good, as long as she is occupied, even if she was tired, she doesn't get too cranky in the evening and eventually when she was tired she would just sleep, no fuss or much of the so called over stimulation.

For the past few months since we came back, she has been happy going to bed when she's tired, only thing is that bedtime has been "post-poned" every night to about 10pm (+/-). That's also because of work and traveling, so by the time we get back home every night, it's about 9pm. Things have still worked out well because Janice would still be able to sleep well at night, only thing is that we have allowed her the freedom to sleep on the mattress, not the cot.

So what's the problem with that? It's dusty and hard to clean the room. And I have also become the bolster at night if she were to wake up in the middle of the night. I've sort of let it pass for that, since, she has been really easy if she wakes up at night, all I have to do is to sleep on the mattress next to hers, and she has some parts of her body touching mine, we both get our beauty sleep for the rest of the night. But with both issues combined up, I decided finally to put my feet down and set up the cleaned up dusty cot, painstakingly shipped back from Brisbane. This time round, instead of putting up all four sides of the cot, we removed 2 sides, so it's more like a bed and put up a bed guard to prevent the rolling girl from falling off the bed.

Sounds like not a big deal, but to a little girl, changing sleeping arrangements is a big deal. So she has been asking me to climb into cot with her in the middle of the night and crying out every few minutes, or stirring and sitting up every few minutes through the rest of the night, after sleeping well for about 4 hours. That's not good news for me, because I don't sleep at the same time as her, and when she starts her crying, I will be about 30mins into my deep sleep, and I will be an owl for the next 5 hours. Super taxing, and I am now officially sleep deprived again after 3 nights of struggle.

So if you're reading this, maybe you're thinking, I should have stuck on to the cot thing since a long time ago, and never have allowed the habit of going in to sleep with her to set in. haha, you may have the permission to laugh at me for a few seconds, but after that, my appeal is, pray for Janice that she will settle in.

Thank you :) I feel better now.

God is healing Janice from her milk allergies

2010-04-09T01:18:00.003+10:00

God is awesome and worthy to be praised! After praying for a long time for Janice's allergies to be gone, God has finally answered our prayers!

On 23rd Nov 2009, Janice took her skin prick test to check for allergic reactions from certain substances. The test results were as such:

Substance Diameter

Control Histamine = 5mm

Milk = 5mm

Egg = 15mm

Peanut = 7mm

These results showed that Janice had significant reactions to milk, peanuts and eggs. The larger the diameter, the more serious the allergy.

Since we have relocated back to Singapore we were still praying hard that God would heal her of her allergies. Her condition had certain implications such as being selective when preparing meals for her, being careful of what we feel her and what others 'unknowingly' feed her, what she can consume at Child Care and also her specially prescribed milk 'Neocate' which would cost us $70 per can here in Singapore.

As we prayed, we wanted to also believe that God's healing hand is at work. Thus Yen made an appointment with the allergist at NUH whom was a doctor referred to us from our allergist in Gold Coast. When we were at NUH, the doctor saw the report of Janice's last skin prick test said that there is no point in taking another test as such conditions don't 'change overnight'. After hearing that, we were quite insistent on having the test, cause we know full well that God is able to heal.

When the test results came out, Janice's skin reaction towards milk was almost non existent!!! The diameter for milk was smaller than the control histamine! This must be GOD! So the Doctor advised us to slowly expose Janice to normal baby milk and see if there is any allergic reaction. We took the Doc's advice and start by putting some milk on her lips. To date, Janice has been feeling great. she even drank 60ml of normal baby milk!! PRAISE THE LORD!!

The little 17 Months' babe

2010-03-31T12:08:00.007+10:00

Dear Janice,

You're 17 months today and you're so girly that you're more like a little girl than a toddler. I remembered secretly being very happy to have a little girl as my first born, I thought about how I will dress you up and do girly things with you. Look at you, your love for shoes, accessories and anything that's pretty. I hope that you will think of me next time as your cool shopping partner (daddy will say partners in crime) just like how I love shopping with Popo.

I remembered 17 months ago, I was really struggling through motherhood. Each day was just for surviving, how to get us through the day and flash daddy a big smile when he comes back. Many times, he will receive a scowl from mummy and he will then take you down for a walk so that I can get myself together again. But as you grow, I realised that each day has gotten less intense and more enjoyable.

This month, you've transited into taking one long 2 over hr nap a day. You generally sleep quite well at night although there are times when you still want to cuddle mummy's arm to sleep. You're funny, you just need to hold my fingers and you'll be contented. You've also learnt to recognise actions and characters in books, so reading is so fun nowadays because you'll know what's coming up and start the actions or say what it is. You also have your favourites that you'd want us to read over and over again.

There are still times when you're quite reserved when you're out. When placed you at home or at Popo's place, you'll be filling us with your cheeky things and make us laugh. Giggles and laughters from you are also not uncommon. I used to lug you out a lot when you were younger, but now staying around home with you is so fun and I have to sometimes kick my laziness away and do more fun activities with you like drawing and painting, which we haven't done for a while. Usually you're quite independent when you play and can engage in puzzles, cooking and moving items from one location to the other and back. You do these a lot.

I think Mummy and daddy must have passed you some good genes. Haha that's our love for food genes. You have great appetite and on most days your bowl of rice is as much as almost 1 full rice bowl. Not counting the big bowl of green veggies that we have to hide from you. I remembered eating a lot of spinach when I was pregnant with you and now you eat it as if it was snack. Very good, keep it up ok. Veggies are good for you. and on top of that you still drink a bowl of soup after that. You're putting on weight quite slowly so I am wondering if all the nutrients have gone to your hair. But on the other hand, at 10.8kg, my arms are aching already, I can't imagine you any bigger. Now mummy just looks like I do weights training because the thickness of my arms and the Biceps are getting a little too obvious.

You're growing up so fast, and there's almost too little time to spend with you. I can sit back at the end of the day reminiscing on a lot, but most times I am flat out and doze off too quickly. But if I could, I would want to capture more of you, this journey and our family in my reflections and deep thanksgiving. God is just so good.

Happy 17 months! You're turning 1/1/2 in a month's time. Look in the mirror and may you always find joy and the reflection of Jesus!

Love, Mummy

The little grown up girl

2010-03-15T18:34:00.003+10:00

Oh, I also need to write this down before I start to forget.

Janice has been such a cutie lately. It feels like overnight that she has transformed from a little baby to a total little girl. Where has all the time gone to? She is so into her make belief. She's been cooking, scooping, feeding herself, us ... she pretends to eat, make us to that and even says "more" as she pretends to eat out of an empty bowl. She reaches for the plastic knife and pretends to cut her cookie before eating and make us drink her imaginary soup, in which she will pretend to "ssssh" as if it was really hot. I wonder where her foodie genes come from?

She is growing up, and I can't believe that I spent an hour playing "masak masak" with her. She was even happy doing it herself when Kel and I were hustling around doing our own stuffs for the afternoon.

She's even been fixing up puzzles by herself and recognising shapes. Felt like yesterday that she was a little baby.

Home Sweet Home

2010-03-15T18:23:00.003+10:00

Janice was extremely pleased with the kitchen that daddy fixed up :)

Staying in the furthest western point of Singapore means that we are hardly home. Coming home is usually the very last destination we have and once back, we would hardly head out unless a need calls. As a result, we're never home much of recent. Since we both started work, week-days have been burnt comuting to and fro home, work, my mom's place. With the weekends, we're usually out or at Church. and most times, we're only home on Sunday evening. Yesterday was an exception and I felt so good about it that it deserves a blog entry.

After Church and cell, Kel and I headed to Jelita where Janice slept for 1.5 hours on the pram. It was such a God given time where Kel and I had a nice quiet sandwich at the cafe, watching the outside pour in rain. We hung out at the bookshop for a while till Janice awoke. We then headed towards a friend's place only to be informed that the gathering was cancelled. So we ended up home by mid afternoon, armed with a very happy and contented toddler. We were supposed sit down and catch something on DVD. But you see, I am always filled with bright ideas on the house, and before I knew it, I cleverly lured Kel to start fixing up the cardboard kitchen he have been wanting to build for Janice, set up the little table and chair and revamped the hall a little. I sorted out Janice's toys, books and packed them neatly in categories ready for toy rotation to take place (I like to keep some toys and rotate so that toys will look fresh and not all over the place). I cooked for Janice and the house was thoroughly cleaned thereafter. It was such a good feeling that after all that hard work, I was beaming. It was home sweet home, because I feel so so recharged being home for that half a day than I ever been for eons. Result of that? I am so looking forward to go home and see a nicely organised place :) * pictures of the cardboard kitchen can be found on FB. Well done too my dear husband, and thank you for giving in to your ever itchy backside wife who can never sit still :)

Janice is 16 months (+)

2010-03-09T23:35:00.003+10:00

My little munchkin, You're really less of a baby and more like a little girl now. You're expressive, full of cheeky things, and very playful. You often tickle us with your chuckles, your little dances, and playful acts. You warm us with your smiles, cuddles and kisses. My life have been tipped upside down since you came into my life 25 months (including pregnancy) ago. I remembered how elated i was on 17th Feb 08, the day I found out that we were expecting you. Since then it has been a big roller coaster ride for daddy and myself. We had our highs, how lows and excitments, but all in all, we're glad that you're in the picture. Though we're not money rich, we know we're rich because of the experiences we have with you and in God too.
You're a really expressive little girl. Very authoritative I must say :) Though you're limited in your speech, you somehow managed to direct people to sit where they should, what you want to eat/drink and what you want others to do for you. You're into this mode of making sure daddy drinks enough water and choosing who gets to sit next to you. You communicate mostly to us with single words or part of a word (e.g. Ter for water) and many many sign lanuguages which were mostly derived by you. Lately you would point to something you want to eat and put your finger into your mouth, sort of dangling out to tell us how badly you want to it that. Where did you learn that, I don't know.
I love it because there's always that sparkle in your eyes. You're curious and always seeking to try out something new. You've to put on earrings, clip your hair, put on make up, basically everything you observe me doing. Oh God, please give me wisdom so that I'd have a life worthy to be modelled by you.
Your sweetness melts our hearts everyday. You'd freely cuddle and kiss anyone who has been playing with you. Many of the relatives and mummy's friends have been blessed this CNY with your cuddles and kisses. Thank you for loving us everyday, and for making parenting so rewarding.
You're strong willed and many times very independent. It's been a learning curve for me teaching you and being firm with you when you demand something, especially things that is "way off". Many times, I need to be disciplined myself not to be a jelly fish parent but one who knows when to give and when to refrain. It's not easy sometimes to have a firm stance, and being able to separate anger and frustration from it.
God reminded me today to learn to really pray for you, something that I often forget to do. I used to but of recent, I've found myself just trying to keep up with things. I thank God for this timely reminder because besides praying with you daily, I need to commit your life to God because ultimately He is your creator and the best Father ever. He gives you wisdom and brings maturity. He protects and love, more than daddy or mummy ever can.
I hope to be able to teach you more constructively this month and I am looking forward to you starting Childcare too because of its structured programs offered. I pray that you'll enjoy yourself because I know you thrive being engaged in activities and playing with others.
I put up this picture to remind you how blessed you are to be surrounded by so many people who loves us. Coming back to Singapore has been one of the best decision and we are really thanking God for this season He has brought us. This picture speaks of how much you love your cousins especially, Grace. You've been so loved because Grace would often stand up for you, she will offer you her toys, she just adores you.
May you continue to grow and thrive. May you continue to experience God's love through us, and people around you. May you learn to love God and people around you too.
We love you precious, I am biased I know, but you're the sweetest thing ever :) - (oh daddy's very sweet too... hee...)
Love, Mummy

Interupted

2010-02-17T18:11:00.003+10:00

My work got "interupted" by a very happy email. The husband sent me an email (with this picture attached) from the park (wonders of i-phone). He brought Janice there since it was his off day. They're having their father-daughter dates almost weekly, it was awww so sweet that I am half melted in the freezing air con :)

What I took back from today's Staff Devotion

2010-02-12T00:59:00.002+10:00

Today at staff devotion, we had a guest speaker come and share with us as our Division leaders went away for a retreat. Just wanted to note it down so that I won't forget. He was sharing about his difficulties in ministry with the youths and how it is so challenging, not so much the youths but many times, their parents can really be a pain as well.

Amongst his sharing, he mentioned how a parent got upset with him cause he had to tell their child to step down from ministry cause his relationship with God wasn't going well and it was starting to reflect outwardly in his ministry. And he went to still apologize to the parent. He told us "I apologized not because I did something wrong to her son, but I apologized because I hurt them."

When I heard that, it really touched my heart to know that we don't apologize because of the action that we did, but instead for the reaction that was caused by the initial action (which might not be wrong in the first place). This was something that I want to hold onto in every area of my life; my relationship with God, my family, my friends and my ministry.

Compliments from Aunty Jos

2010-02-09T15:15:00.003+10:00

I think I've got a secret admirer who used my photos and made it into something pretty :)

Took a long break from blogging, took up Facebooking instead

2010-02-05T00:09:00.003+10:00

Been missing in action because I realized that FaceBook is much easier to use since there is the Iphone which makes uploading of photos a breeze. But I guess unless you are added as friends on Facebook, otherwise viewing of content would not be possible. So I thought I better try to blog once in a while, so here goes.

I had the privilege yesterday to spend the entire day with Janice. Woke up with her, had meals with her, had a really long nap (2hrs) with her and bathe her as well. it was such a memorable day for me. On the normal days I love to play with Janice and all, but looking into the details of her life like naps and meals and bathing really isn't my forte. Only my close to perfect wife would be able to remember every single detail that needs to be done for Janice. But now, since both of us are working and my day off is on wednesday, I was able to have this opportunity to look after Janice by myself.

To have this time with Janice would be the start of our 'dates with daddy' times. I must really make it a point to do this regularly even when she grows up. I realized that a father's role in a child's life is so important. Not belittling the roles that mums play (which is very important as well), the dads would sometimes help be a good role model of the sort of man that our daughters would be looking for in future. Helping my daughter see that she deserves a man that truly loves her for who she is. And more importantly that Janice would come to me and tell me about the guys that would be asking her out and stuff. I want to be her listening ear and support whenever she needs me.

These are my ideals, I know that ministry sometimes would make all that sound impossible. But today it has been made known to me that in full time ministry, we are juggling my balls, but there are some balls that we must never drop and that is God and our Family. Ps Benny Ho mentioned about spending 1 hr a day, 2 to 3 hrs a week, 1 day a month and 2 to 3 days a quarter to spend with God. Time allocated with family is also very crucial, my family must know that they are more important to me than the ministries I am in. This is something that I am constantly learning and adjusting so that there would be a balance; but boy is that balance hard to find. I don't know if I will ever find that balance, but I know for sure that I will keep trying.

Janice is 15 months

2010-02-01T16:27:00.003+10:00

here's a picture of you posing to take a photo with Elmo. You actually posed when we asked you to take a picture ith your current best friend. You were soo happy and too cute to resist. Ok I am be biased here, but which mom doesnt think that their daughter's the cutest right?

My dear girl,

You’ve turned 15 months 3 days ago and it has just been at the back of my mind to blog about it. So here I am!

You’re walking! Over the past few weeks, you’ve finally calculated and figured that the risk of falling over is now low. You see, you’ve been taking about 5-10 steps for a long time and have been wanting us to hold your hands to walk. I’m so proud of you that you’ve finally taken you little steps further but let me continue to enjoy this moment of you still wanting to be held on and protected. I know very soon, you’d want to be on your own, knowing this feisty independent personality you have.

You’ve been a lot happier this month. Maybe it’s because you’re finally walking and this mobility has given you new found freedom when we’re out and about. There have also been more routines in place for you and you’re one who really thrives on that. Above all, your communication skills have also taken a notch higher with some words repetitions and your famous pointing cum nodding skills.

Many people have been calling you a “little adult”. Because, despite not being able to speak (like an adult), you sometimes communicate like one. We have also been amazed at how you have been piecing things together and even learnt how to place jig saws in the right positions. Like the other day, we were spending some time in a friend’s office and you took a set of keys from her cupboard and walked to the door and tried to open it, though of course you didn’t succeed with cupboard keys. You did that again at home by taking drawer keys all the way to the main door. In your little mind you’ve probably figured out a lot of things and now, the ability to walk about has given you the freedom to explore.

I have recently gone back to work and for the time being you’ll be left in the care of Popo (my mom). I was initially very worried at how you’d take it. I was about to let anxiety take over before I started writing like a little manual that consist of your schedules and suggested activities. But you’ve been such a good girl! Every day I could see how you beamed at the mention of Popo’s house and I am so so glad to see you happy and all well at the end of the day. So far, we’ve been adjusting well, and this new change has really taught Daddy and I the value of spending time together with you and being able to give you our all when we do spend that time with you.

You've got a real feisty personality. When you've tantrumish, it's really quite "hard-core" (haha pardon the singlish expression). I still sometimes sound like a fool trying out techniques I've learnt from the bo0k "The happiest toddler on the block". But thank God that I've stumbled upon that book because some of the tips are really practical and has helped us a lot. We pray however that we will be able to harnass you strong personality well and you may be able to use it as a strength in your days ahead, especially in walking with God and serving Him.

There’ll be times where I am learning not to take guilt trips of not being able to give you the best. Am I teaching you right, am I being a good mother, what's crucial and what's important? But to be able to be by your side, loving you, teaching you and understanding you are what I am learning to do, to my best ability and relying on His grace. We’ll take it each step at a time with the help and strength of God.

I miss you, baby. You’ve bless me everyday with your sweetie smiles, cheeky demeanor and your funny sense of humor. I love you.

Love, Mummy.

Joy

2010-01-14T13:13:00.002+10:00

A couple of months back, 3 prophets prayed and prophesied over us during a presbytery. One of the words spoken of us was the element of joy. That we will be ones who will bring joy and claim upon the joy of the Lord as our strength. These words etched deep but boy, it was such an ache upon my heart, because I knew that was exactly what I needed in life, joy.

I've struggled with purpose, strived to find joy, meaning and answers to my life. I knew I was discontented, unsatisfied. It's like trying to find a connection between my external and my internal. I cannot describe what was going on, except for frustration.

Last night, I laid on bed and found myself praying to surrender jealousy and lust over the things of the world. I've spent many points of my life wishing I had what others had, wishing I could be more like someone else. I fell into the world of expectations upon myself, and my perceived mind of what others expect of me, especially my love ones. Worse of all, I found myself expecting more and more from my husband. As I was doing so, Kel popped a question, asking if I was dissatisfied and discontented. It was a such a divine question, there I was praying to overcome the exact same issues.

I realised why I ached at the word, joy. I knew the stealers of joy and what has been replaced were worldly discontentment and disappointments.

After all these years, today I stepped into a new beginning, a place where I knew I have experienced abundance before. I place which will take my hopes to new flights. I want to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. (2 Cor 10:5)

You know, it's such a release.

The 14 months old baby

2009-12-30T15:00:00.003+10:00

Yes darling, you've turned 14 months today. I haven't blogged about anything since we came back to Singapore and frankly I was getting a little lazy but I figured that I don't want to break this monthly update about you, lest I forget.

We've been back in Singapore for exactly a month now. It felt longer than that and you've shown us your adaptability and demonstrated your joy to be embraced in the midst of loving grandparents and cousins. You trot (crawl or make us hold your hands as you walk) around your cousins all the time, you just love to be in their company, and both Grace and Mark love you to bits too.

Your comprehension towards conversations and things around you amazes me. You respond to most things I say without hand gestures nowadays. But that made you really strong willed, ordering us around, choosing the exact things you want to eat/play/hold. Initially, it was hard for us and we (daddy and I) seem to be always on "logger heads" with you. We've since then exerted more discipline and boundaries and that has helped tremendously.

Your favorite activities revolve around shoes, trying them on, taking them out, trying to walk around in them. Since you can't walk independently yet you made everyone around you walk around with you. You also love animals.

Thank you my little one for filling my life with your funny things. Here's a pic of you trying to imitate and clean your ears with a cotton bud. I am currently split between you and daddy at night. I have been sleeping with you on the 2nd part of the night if you were to wake up. I am secretly enjoying those moments where all you wanted of me was to lie next to you and you will periodically wake up and crawl to me for kiss before falling asleep again. So cute la.

It's going to be New Year's eve tomorrow and we'll be into 2010 in no time. I wonder what God has installed for us? But one thing we know of is that Daddy and I will continue to seek for His wisdom to bring you up the way we should in His eyes and that we can be an example for you. Know that we will fail every now and then, but know too that His grace will be for us and we will walk relying on that very grace.

Love you lots baby, you're growing up real fast.

Love Mummy

Janice is 13 months

2009-11-30T00:32:00.002+10:00

My little baby, you've just turned 13 months and we're going to spend this day leaving on a jet plane to Singapore. You're going home, where the rest of the family will be. We pray we will continue to really pursue God's business even more and that you will play a big part in it. One thing we'd like you to know this day is that there has been a big bunch of people here in Brisbane who have poured a lot into our lives. They loved us, you especially so never forget that. As you continue to grow up, we'll definitely walk you through photos and people whom you have been asked to call Uncles, aunties and also many che ches who have been your play mates.

We love you very much dearie, you've been one of the greatest treasure God has unfolded in our lives.

Love Mummy and Daddy

Baby you're 1.

2009-11-08T10:15:00.003+10:00

My little darling,

One year ago, I remembered carrying you, feeding you and kissing you for the first time. I couldn't believe I became a mom. I was apprehensive that I could never live up to the name of a mom and I can't believe now that it's been a year, we've actually walked through a year together, as a family! We're still here, alive and kicking.

You're a strong little character and recently we've seen you really demonstrating your own personality. You're fiercely independent, no one can help you when you're determined to do what you want to do. You want to feed yourself and do things your own way. You nod your head when you agree with you or when we understood what you wanted and shake your head vigorously when we're trying to counter what you want to do. Therefore meal times have been pretty challenging. Though I must say you're getting pretty good feeding yourself and you can pretty much get most food into your mouth using a spoon or a fork, but just the way you crank up when we're trying to help you with something sometimes send spoons, plates, bowls and of course food flying across room is pretty trying. Especially when you throw tantrum and end up screaming too.

You're a joy to play with. You're generous with your kisses and cuddles and understands our instructions. You pick the right books when asked and points enthusiastically when we ask about things you understand. You're really into imitating us and is quite observant too. You love little children too, watching and playing with children older than you keeps you occupied.

I don't think you're one who's afraid of new things because new rides, new items and even some new environments intrigues you. Something we really thank God for because one thing we've asked God for was that you'd be one who's adaptable.

We'll be moving back to Singapore as a family end of this month and daddy and I are really excited to see what God has in store for us. We're also very excited to see how we can serve Him more as a family and as you grow up, we pray that your open heart and genuine smiles will minister to many, including little kids too. You'll also be closer to your extended family and we're sure you're going to enjoy the closeness you can have with your grandparents and cousins too.

I can end up with many pages just writing about you, because you surprise us everyday. But I'll try to keep some to be used as stories to tell you as you grow up. This year as been an adventure for all of us, well done little girl, you've adapted to the world well, shining with your unique personality. May you continue to be in the world but not of the world and shine your light as a strong individual that can bless the people around you. God's made you that way. You've been a great gift from God and God has blessed us tremendously in every way. Just want to let you know that.

I love you, and I am looking forward to the many years ahead.

Love Mummy

p.s. Thank you Popo and all the uncles, aunties, che ches and gor gors who came to celebrate Janice's birthday. She's extremely blessed.

Janice turns 1 - Happy Birthday darling!

2009-10-30T22:57:00.002+10:00

My little birthday card to you (Janice Mok Yu En)

I love you Janice, I still remember the day that I held you in my hands at 920am on the 30th of Oct 2008. Mummy might have won by staying closest to you since you were conceived, but I won by being the first to hold on to you! :)

But still all thanks to mummy and her endurance as it was really tough trying to get you to come into this world. Daddy was told that time would past faster if he records the intervals between mummy's each contractions, but after awhile, daddy's little note book was full! Mummy was going through such consistent contractions and for such a long time. Mummy went through so much for you. All daddy could do was say Oh...Ouch each time mummy squeezes daddy's hand.

All was great on that Thursday morning when we finally got to see you, and I believe I speak for mummy as well, it was all worth it, YOU are all worth it!

I can't finish saying how much you mean to me and that you have really brought so much joy and meaning to my life. I would be going to sleep every night knowing that the next day would be filled with so much joy and laughter and also the energy required to play and entertain you. :)

It has been a great year trying to know you more. Communication at the point in time still seems a little unclear and based upon a lot of assumptions. But the times when you say 'Daddy' 'Daddy' is all the communication I need to wake me up every morning to cuddle you.

I hope you have enjoyed your 1st year as much as I did, well if you didn't you most probably won't remember it anyway :)

I love you darling!!! HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY!!!

Not Alone

2009-10-29T21:23:00.003+10:00

I felt really odd driving out to meet a bunch of girlfriends for dinner to celebrate Lil's birthday. I felt even more odd as I got back into the car to drive home. It's been a year (or more?) since I drove out myself at night, without Janice, without Kelvin. I read a lot lately about "me" time and since Janice was born, it's practically non-existent. Tonight was one rare night. Though I felt the sudden "liberty" to be out, meeting up with people, no agenda. Bed-time, meal, etc all taken care of by the loving daddy, yet the weird feeling of wanting to be home at the same time, missing the baby smell on her head.

On the eve of Janice's first, I had the time and space to think and reflect. Just a short 20 mins, but the amount of space was amazing. I wondered about my identity and how the role of motherhood has taken over my life, like some massive invasion. Physically, I am never alone, because Janice is with me, almost 24/7. I felt strangely lost without her presence but at that point I was just anchored by simply the presence of God that is with me, reminding me of my true identity.

Lots of other thoughts came in, that reminded me how grounded I am with Jesus in me and a husband who loves me. And of course this little girl who cracks me up (both in tears and laughters) all the time. I am starting to understand a wee bit of what it is to learn to live in the present. I am glad, I am not alone.

Happy Birthday you chimmy chummy baby, I love you to bits (1st year entry for you will come soon). And to the best hubby, you've made a great mark as a daddy. And I am just so glad she's calling out for you all the time, her "daddddeeeee" melts my heart too.

Jotting them down before I forget

2009-10-19T07:32:00.003+10:00

I thought I better jot these down before I forget and will be hoping for some peace when Janice's blabbering too much?

Speech Vocabulary

Daddy (daddy's very happy), Mama, more (as in more food) , Ta (aussie way of saying thank you), Tharnk Yu, duck

Act upon instructions

Head, toes, Flying kiss, kiss, cuddle, Stomp your feet, clap, wash your hands, open the window (of the little playhouse), Hi, bye (waving of hands), yes (by nodding your head and flapping the arms at the same time), no (shaking the head) uh oh/oh no (by covering her mouth) twinkle twinkle, head and shoulders song, eetsy bitsy spider....

Can also nod her head when simple questions are asked (mostly pertaining food) and ignore when it's a "no" or "not very interested". Understands what most common objects like ball, milk, duck, cups ...

I think that's all I can remember for now, anyone wants to employ her as an interpreter?

On a plain jane day

2009-10-09T15:45:00.002+10:00

Most times, the blog is filled with pictures of our little adventures here and there. Here, I reveal the how a plain jane day goes. When I say that it's a plain jane day, it's a plain day, no big hoo ha, no big disasters (yet). In fact, I love such days, no frills, relaxing, fun (yes it is). On such days, my life is filled with pockets of slots. Nap time, play time, meal time. And in between will be slotted with cooking, laundry, cleaning up, shower, and on a good day, email, surfing the net and blog stalking. Every pocket of time needs to be very intentional, like once she's down for a nap, I zoom in and out of the bathroom, get some laundry/cooking done etc. Very boring cycle but when it's boring means it's routined and we both thrive on that.

So here's a little snippet, of a good day where I can still put in an entry, and with her smiling at the background taking her afternoon tea.

She's really into nodding her head and communicating with us now. Nodding when we ask her questions, pointing to what she wants. She's also grown overnight. She has been spatting out her mushy food and it's been so trying to feed her properly without having food everywhere but her mouth. Then all of the sudden bingo, she wanted normal textured food, like rice with soup and bits of food that she can feed herself with.

To break some myth here, SAHM is not boring, though there are heaps of time when the desperate need for some "me" time overtakes and you feel like walking out.

Janice @ 11months

2009-10-02T09:41:00.003+10:00

My little girl,

You'll be turning 1 in 28 days time. I don't think you know that! but mommy and daddy are so excited about it, this 1 year of parenting has taught us so much, nothing within the boundaries of classrooms could ever have done. Thank you for this journey.

You've kept mummy really busy this month. I've resigned so that I could look after you more and I haven't regretted my decision. You've grown so much and I am just so glad I could be doing it with you. Your funny antics like choosing your biscuits, pointing to random things and replying me random stuffs throughout the day crack me up all the time.

You're also a very independent player and could be engaged by some of your stacking toys long periods of time. You've also amazed daddy and I by how much you understand some of our instructions. Just the other day, I told you to pack your toys back into the toy box and you actually did it. So I suspect you understand more than what I know you do, just that you have selective response sometimes, well we all do, you know, selective hearing? Make sure that we all learn not to be selective when we respond to God's word.

One thing too, not that it's something new to me, is that you have a really strong character. Thus on some days, I am totally restraining myself from shouting at you. Sorry that I did sometimes. In those situations, God really reminded me of His grace, at the same time the need to learn to teach and discipline you in gentle ways. We bought the Dr James Dobson DVD on parenting, so pray that God will reallly speak into daddy and my life and teach us ways that we can teach you well. We're really more than amateurs here, so bear with us, for the rest of your life :) We'll get there.

Thank you for being a little affectionate kid. You've showered me with more cuddles and kisses everyday than I deserve, your unconditional desire to have me by your side reminds me to be the same towards our heavenly father. Nothing could distract you from knowing my presence and desiring me to pick you up for a cuddle, not even your favorite toys. You could be totally engrossed in your little games with daddy, or your toys, but once I walk past, you've never failed to flash me your smiles and raising up your arms, awaiting a cuddle from me.

I love you to bits, you've brought so much more joy and depths to our lives and to our marriage and to our relationship with God too.

Love,

Mummy.

p.s. I've uploaded photos of Janice into facebook. drop me an email if you're not our FB and would like to be our "friend" :)

Growing in Child likeness in God - Week 1 of experiencing God

2009-09-25T08:45:00.003+10:00

As mentioned of previous entry, I am trying to grow in this area of child likeness in God. Coming to God without complexity and profoundness. Just simply faith like a child coming to a father. Things hasn't been that great, cause my God wants to offer greater things in His plans for me. Janice fell sick and I really believed in God's power of healing and she is getting better in Jesus' name!

I have been really challenged to really have that simple faith to believe when God speaks. The times when I usually have to battle about is this thought from God or myself. Then very quickly, does this thought go against the principles of the bible, if not, I'll try to put it into action. When I spend too much time debating, doubt will creep in. And prayers lately have been so charged up with faith that when I ask God for something, the space for doubt within is not entertained as much as I used to. Not fully there yet, but will get there soon.

The simply illustration that I keep reminding myself is about a little girl who asked her father for a doll-house and her dad promised her that he'll build one for her. So in the simplicity and expectant heart she goes off to prepare the things required to fill the doll house. She packed her dolls, little print stickers to decorate her future doll house and the little accessories for the doll house. So after seeing the faith of his daughter, her dad quickly sprung into action to build that doll house he promised her.

How many times have I prayed for something and just 'waited' without faith; too many times have I not acted with faith, faith without actions is DEAD! Now I tell myself, if we pray for 8 converts, go and buy 8 bibles in faith to know that you'll need to give it away soon. When we pray for lame, prepare space to take home a wheelchair cause the person is heal and not needing the wheelchair anymore. When I pray, I must have actions to back up the prayer with faith.

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. 1 John 5:14-15

So as the following week approaches, I'll be learning and practising more of my obedience towards God. As I have already started, I must be quicker to obey the call and commands of God. For obedience is better than sacrifice, I'll obey for there is no other way!

What we've been up to

2009-09-18T08:27:00.002+10:00

I realised (a while ago) that I haven't quite updated the blog for a while. Facebook has been too easy. So I have been pretty much stuck there whenever I have time on the lappy. For many who don't know yet, I have also resigned from work and will be looking after Janice full time for a season. A SAHM. wow.

I am still finishing up at work, so I still work once a week and here and there from home. That also explains for the lack of entries because on days when I can sit in front of the lappy for longer stretches, I will be trying to get something done.

Janice has quite a couple of allergies, so her diet is more restricted than many other babies her age, so I decided to look after her full time so that I can monitor a bit more to prevent eczema flare ups etc. I realise too that she's been growing so much and soaking up everything like a little sponge, so to be able to be with her and teach her is a big bonus. As with finances and future plans, deserves another entry in itself. God's been so good, His provision, affirmation really helped me to feel at peace in making these steps.

It's been rewarding so far, Janice seems to be really enjoying being at home more. I think we're doing much better because all the rushing to childcare and to work have been minimised. I have more brain capacity to be able to think, plan and also meet up with people. She's been growing so much, imitating me and building her motor skills.

But being a SAHM is physically tiring! I think I am more tired at the end of the day and each day just whizz by because of the intensity sometimes. As I am typing now, Janice is sucking and chewing on my knee cap... ??!!

I am enjoying this phase very much though. Watching her grow and do new stuffs. The satisfaction of being able to complete a piece of work while being able to play with her and talk to her. The serenity on some days when I could be watching her play and I would be praying and reading the bible at the same time.

Thank you Lord for this opportunity.

Receiving God's Revelation

2009-09-15T08:36:00.003+10:00

Great stuff from Bill Johnson! Got infected by Mr Li and I have been reading quite a bit from Bill Johnson. So rather than just keeping it at mere knowledge, I am going to try to apply them in my life. So I will have to work on these 8 insights starting at having that Childlike faith in approaching God and His word. Will set aside 8 weeks to try my best to work on all 8 of them in becoming more of God's friend. Hope you all will be encouraged as well.

The following is a list of practical suggestions for those wanting to grow in revelation from God.

1. Become childlike. Simplicity and humility of heart helps qualify a person to hear from God, while the desire to be profound is a wasted desire. What many discover after years of teaching is that the word that is simple is often the most profound. “At that time Jesus answered and said, “I thank You, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that You have hidden these things from the wise and prudent and have revealed them to babes.” (Matthew 11:25)

2. Obey what you know. Jesus taught His followers, “If anyone wills to do His will, he shall know concerning the doctrine, whether it is from God or whether I speak on My own authority.” (John 7:17) “If anyone wills . . . he shall know” – Clarity comes to the one willing to do the will of God. The willingness to obey attracts revelation, because God is the ultimate steward, investing His treasures into fertile ground – the surrendered heart.

3. Learn the biblical art of ‘meditation’. “I call to remembrance my song in the night; I will meditate within my heart, and my spirit makes diligent search.” (Psalms 77:6) Biblical meditation is a diligent search. Whereas religious cults teach people to empty their minds as the means of meditation, the Bible teaches us to fill our minds with God’s Word. Meditation has a quiet heart and a ‘directed’ mind. Mulling a word over in our heart, with a pursuit that springs from the inquisitive child’s heart, is meditation.

4. Live in faith. “Whose minds the god of this age has blinded, who do not believe, lest the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine on them.” (2 Corinthians 4:4) Revelation comes to the one expressing faith! Live with the understanding that God has already willed to give you His mysteries (Matthew 13:11), and ask accordingly. Then thank Him in advance.

5. Acquire an understanding heart. This sort of heart has the foundations in place for something to be constructed upon it. These are the basic concepts of the King and His kingdom. Proper foundations attract the builder (revelator) to come and add to those foundations. “But knowledge is easy to one who has understanding.” (Proverbs 14:6) God wisely stewards fresh insight to those who have the basic principles in place. When fresh insights come, the understanding heart has a “slot to put it in”. It is not lost as seed spilled on the ground.

6. Give God your nights. I try to end each day with my heart’s affection stirred up and directed to the Holy Spirit. What an amazing way to go to sleep. The Song of Solomon reveals this poetically, “I sleep, but my heart is awake.” (Song of Solomon 5:2) God loves to visit us in the night and give us instruction that we would have a hard time receiving during the day.

7. Give away what you have already received. He draws out of the deep places in our hearts things that are not yet a part of our conscious thought processes. (Proverbs 20:5)

8. Become a friend of God. God shares His secrets with His friends. “No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:15)

My baby is 10 months

2009-08-30T16:05:00.001+10:00

My baby darling, you're 10 months today, almost gonna be a toddler soon. No matter how old you are you're still gonna be my precious baby. So pardon me that 20 years on, i'll still fret over over the littlest things because a mother's heart will never change. Love you heaps, mommy

In the season of change

2009-08-24T08:20:00.003+10:00

Isaiah 43

1 But now, this is what the LORD says—

he who created you, O Jacob,

he who formed you, O Israel:

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;

I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.

Decisions, events, or words can ignite wildfires that completely change our own life's landscape. That is not necessarily a bad thing. Fire is nature's way of clearing brush and enriching soil for future growth. Sweeping change can do the same to our lives. However that doesn't negate loss, discomfort and fear we feel during fire's refining process. During those times, God, Himself becomes our refuge and strength. In those flash fires of life, the Saviour immerses us in cool, life-giving waters of His love and protection. God allows raging wildfires to refine us, yet not set us ablaze.

The snorings of my life

2009-08-23T08:42:00.001+10:00

The snorings that breaks the tranquility of early mornings brings serenity to my soul.i so love them.

Serving with Great People - Judah 4

2009-08-17T08:17:00.002+10:00

I am simply amazed at how God's people would rise up to the occasion to give and serve beyond their physical limitations. Last Friday we had our huge event which catered for 46 people! There were so many new visitors that night too! Praise God for that!
When it came to the night before the event, the people were working so hard trying to get everything together and ready for the big night. I am so blessed to have people with such heart to serve God. We even have new visitors that came to help out. It is just so obvious that the heart of servant hood has been passed on through the people.
I want to do my best to lead this unit into greater heights in God. May God's hand be so evident in my service towards Him as well.

Till I see you ...

2009-08-10T11:21:00.004+10:00

The greatest love that anyone could ever know

That overcame the cross and grave to find my soul

And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home

I'll trust in You

With all I am I'll live to see Your kingdom come

And in my heart I pray You'd let Your will be done

And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home

I'll trust in You

****
I will live to love You

I will live to bring You praise

I will live a child in awe of You

****
You are the voice that calls the universe to be

You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me

And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home

I'll trust in you

You alone are God of all

You alone are worthy Lord

And with all I am my soul will bless Your name

© 2005 Cbs/Epic/Wtg Records

Beginning of Mobility

2009-08-05T23:45:00.003+10:00

The start of Janice's freedom, meant the end of Mommy's (aka me) freedom. I can no longer leave her playing without supervision. I started this morning trying real hard to "zone in". I was out of place, brain unactivated, sitting in the hall playing with Janice when she suddenly started moving forward in a pro manner. Though not the usual crawl, kind of a arms push and body slide along kind, it was fast. She could finally get to places she desired, and was she pleased! She started in the hall, and finally ended up outside the bathroom and back. That really helped startle me and brought be back to earth from my la la land. It was an overnight thing, nothing close led up to this. It almost seemed like she was practicing all night, but must be in her dreams and she kind of figured that out.

Left her at Child care, the teachers said she didnt perform her new stints, but once she got back home in the evening, it was freedom once again. This time she managed a half crawl that looked like she limping because she only used one leg to drag herself forward. Kind of bum shuffling.

I still haven't quite child proof the house. Hubby, you there?

Full Time

2009-08-05T16:21:00.005+10:00

Since the birth of Janice, I have gotten many people asking if I was a full time mom. Regardless the number of days Janice goes to Childcare, or for that matter 10,20 years down the road when she starts getting her own life, I will always consider myself as a full time mom. The day I knew she's conceived, follow on the day she was born, God has placed upon my life one of the greatest responsiblity a person can have. A responsibility over a life, a person, a precious one. The intensity of what you could be doing as a mom could vary over years or season, the role remains. I am a mother, 24/7 round the clock. No one can ever imagine the magnitude of it till you step into it. I could never have emphatised with another parent no matter how often I baby sit another child. I've learnt to assume this role and accept that my life will no longer be the same. I start to realise why till this day my mom still ask what I ate for dinner and ask me to see a doctor when I clear my throat. It's a full time job and I've only just begun. Sometimes I think I've done a bad job, but I'll have a life time to learn and I will. (but will never be perfection). Being a mother reveals that I am weak and how HE is strong. It's really humbling, but I am really loving it.

Happy 9th month B'day Janice!!

2009-07-30T20:14:00.002+10:00

Just the little note to my little darling,

It has been as long as you have been in mummy's tummy! And now you are all grown up (compared to 9 months ago) and learning to crawl, stand and yell. And not to mention how much you love to play with catch with your little rubber balls.
I just love the times when you fall asleep on my shoulder since last week. Just your cutest face with pouting lips when you're rested on my shoulders.
Continue to enjoy your learning process, I am still waiting for the day that you are kicking the soccer ball while I be the goal keeper.

I love you best, I love you most, I love you high, I love you low, I love you deep, I love you wide, I love you, I love you, I love you T.....H.....I.....S M.....U.......C.......H!!!

Daddy

9 months

2009-07-30T10:08:00.002+10:00

Hey sweetie,

It's been 9 months since you were born and sometimes I still can't believe that God has entrusted me with this huge role of motherhood. There are many moments where I still feel the sense of adequacy, someone so precious like you is placed in my arms. Managing your allergies, teaching you the right ways, giving you the best, what to do, what nots, all these can still sometimes be daunting. But yet this amazing journey of watching you grow, along with the availability of God's grace makes this enormous responsibility such a privilege.

You've grown so much this month. Spending that 10 days with your cousin Sophie have made you a little chatterbox J there was a few days when you said "duck" all the time. When you see your rubber ducks in the bath, when you see the little ducky ball, you just go "uck uck uck Duck". It's funny. This was alongside with your "pa pa pa" phase. This couple of days you've started your "hrop hrop drop" sounding words whenever you chuck something to the floor. You sometimes blabber non-stop in the car and you've filled the house with your happy chuckles and long-winded stories J And oh, it's so fun, you're even responding to clap your hands" whenever you hear that phrase on TV (baby can read) and when we ask you to, and while singing the song "if you're happy and you know it." We used to clap each time you manage to turn on your musical toys, and now you clap for yourself. You've also learnt to throw a ball too, and that thrilled daddy heaps.

You still can't really crawl yet. You sort of have a leopard crawl, but mostly you go backwards. You love pulling yourself up to a kneeling position using your toys, the sofa or our arms/shoulders as support. You'll look highly pleased when we help you up to a standing position as you hang on to us/toys etc. Your bum will even start shaking at the sound of music. Not being able to move around frustrates you, but don't worry little girl, keep exploring you'll be able to do it someday.

Your all time favorite is peek-a-boo, and our asian version of "coooooo……cha". You'll do it yourself and amuse others with it. You can never get enough of it, and neither can I. Once you laughed so hard with daddy that you threw up your dinner all over. That giggling spell continued the moment you saw daddy again.

There were many trying days this month too. There were many days in a row where you can't sleep properly at night and would want to play (in your tired state) at 4am in the morning. There were also days in a row where you will create such a big mess during your meals and get really whingy. There will also be the days in a row where your nose is extra stuffy and there will be rashes due to your allergies. Sometimes it's painful to watch but most times you take it at your own stride. Let's hang in there, God is doing something wonderful, bringing us to the right help, and most of all given us His strength.

There are just so many funny things to share about you, but blogging has become more like a luxury as you grow more and require so much more attention and play-time together. I am counting on God to help me remember your milestones and development and maybe one day I can share to your kids how you were like. Time flies, you are out of me almost the same length of time as you spent in my tummy. Hope you're enjoying it as much as I do.

I love you munchie!

Mummy

my 4 AMs

2009-07-27T09:00:00.002+10:00

Most people would be in deep sleep at 4am. Cold, dark, almost silence all around. But what have I been doing at 4am for the past many nights?

Janice's been having a 3.30-4am wake recently. The problem with this is that she wakes up almost wide awake and wants to play! It's not very fun to play at that time of the morning and I was (am) completely zombified. She would relentlessly cry if I left her in my cot, 5 mins, 10 mins. I will soothe her, leave the room, sit outside and pray, read the bible, and sulk, wondering when my "last straw" will come. She will eventually only sleep after about 1.5 hrs, in which I would think she will wake up later. But no, she will still wake up at 6am. So from 3.30 till 6am, i would have slept for about ... go figure.

Sigh, how to break this cycle? Anyone any ideas?

Allergies allergies go away..and don't come back!

2009-07-23T09:02:00.002+10:00

Yesterday was just a shocker to Yen and myself. We brought Janice to visit a specialist in allergies at the Gold Coast to find out exactly what sort of allergies she has. And to our horror, that was egg, milk, soy, wheat, dust, grass and shell fish all on the list! And all this time, I thought that my dear daughter was doing just fine.

Another sad thing was that last week at my first aid lesson was the first time I heard about this product called the 'EPIPEN'. Epipen is meant to be carried around by people which allergies just in case they came into contact with the substance that they are allergic to and there is a reaction, the Epipen filled with adrenaline could be used to jab into the thigh to reduce the impact of the reaction. And now we have been prescribed to own an Epipen as well.

It really sadden me when I knew that Janice was allergic to so many things. And the many times where I just allowed her come into contact with all the dust and grass. That was why her skin and running nose never got any better. But of course, it is better to know now that not have any knowledge of it at all.

Praying now that God will intervene in this situation to take away all these allergies in JESUS NAME!

FireProofing Your Marriage - Commitment of a Life Time

2009-07-21T09:10:00.005+10:00

Watched the movie 'Fireproof' last night with Yen and it was such a great reminder of how much we need each other and that no matter how tough times and situations can get; out is NEVER an option!

The movie really brought in so much truths about what a marriage is meant to be. Marriage in this time and age has reduced it's significance and standing in our society. People get married in the heat of passion and in the name of love and feelings. But there wasn't time to put the relationship to a test of heat and trials of commitment. And when tough times come, suddenly there isn't anymore passion, love and feelings for each other. Only the things that iritate you stands out so clearly about your spouse. Worst of all, a broken marriage not only affects the couple involved, but if they have kids, their upbringing would be somewhat incomplete and inbalanced.

Marriage is not just built upon the foundations of love and feelings. Marriage being such a tall and important structure in God's house, surely it requires God to be in the centre of it all, and also built upon the foundations of a covenant of being there for each other whether richer or poorer, health or sickness, good or bad time and till death do us part.

Just recently, there has been some marriages of my friends that I have heard about that were already broken and couples decided to throw in the towel; many are my age or slightly older. How painful that must be for them, leaving such a scar in each others' lives. And the word 'commitment' would never have the same definition in their lives again.

Media these days is not really helping people gain that definition either. Thus I realise that I must really be able to conduct myself with my family to be able to live out a life of commitment to God, my wife and family. May my life set the example for my youths to desire to imitate as I try with all my might to imitate the life of Christ.